I got too drunk..

[Jennaholt]

I'm not sure if this post belongs here. But anyway..

Recently, I met a friend of mine who I've liked for a really long time. We did hookup a few times long ago but that was before he started dating this girl, who I have also come to be friends with now. My feelings for him aside, I respect their relationship and I would never want to fuck things up between them or my individual relationships with each of them.

Anyway, we met for drinks at my his place a while back and I got super drunk I blacked out. I have been going through some family things and I haven't had a break in so long. So I wanted to just sit back and be irresponsible for once. But I didn't expect it to end the way it did. But still not an excuse for what I did. I tried to kiss him and I tried to get physical with him, none of which I remember. He made sure nothing happened between us, and he dropped me back home.

We did talk about it the next day when I was sober and he told me what I did. I apologised a lot. He said it was okay and that he understands but that his girl trusts us a lot (she knows we used to hookup) and that he doesn't want to be in a position where he has to hide things from her but that he obviously couldn't tell her about this. But that it was okay because I was too drunk to think straight.

But I can't seem to forgive myself for what I did. I don't want to keep apologizing to him because I don't want it to come off as me forcing him to forgive me. But I am unable to keep it to myself and everytime we talk, I want to say how sorry I am. And even if he forgives me (I don't think it even bothers him as much as it bothers me), I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for it.


I'm thinking about asking him to tell her the truth and tell him we can't talk anymore. I know I'm just punishing myself but it also sounds selfish because he still wants us to be friends and I'm making this decision all on my own without even talking to him about it. I just know my friends wouldn't forgive me if I tried to kiss their boyfriends and I don't see how this is any different.

[Everglow.]

Hey there

Thanks for reaching out about this. I can understand why you're feeling how you do, especially as you're very close to these people and feel as if you have crossed a line. The thing with drinking is it does take away some parts of our usual self control sometimes. It reduces your ability to think logically and therefore we sometimes do things we know we would never do if we were not under the influence of drink. I think you did the right thing by apologising to him. That shows you know that your actions were wrong and that you acknowledge that. This is a really good thing, and as hard as it is I think it's important for you to remind yourself that you're only human and because of that you will sometimes make mistakes, and that it's okay to forgive yourself for that.

I understand why you want him to tell his girlfriend though. It can't be a comfortable feeling to know that she is unaware of what happened, and I think if you feel like she deserves to know you can bring this up with him if you want to. Ultimately, I don't think there's a right or wrong way to deal with this because part of me agrees that she deserves to know, but part of me sees his point, in that he knows you would never do this ordinarily. I would consider why you want her to know. If it's a means to punish yourself, you don't deserve that I don't think. If it's about trust, then I can see why you'd want to. But I don't think you deserve to consistently make yourself feel bad for a mistake he has already forgiven you for.

I hope you're doing okay.

[Rivière]

From what you've written, it sounds like you're in a phase that's guilt mixed with embarrassment. You came to visit your friend to just unwind and have a good time with him, but your inner most deepest feelings emerged.

Alcohol creates an environment where people can become their true self. We lose our inhibitions. Our fears, anything that makes us self-conscious, the feelings we've held back. Intoxication can strip those things from us.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. If anything, allow it to demonstrate to you some of your inner most thoughts and feelings. Let this be a chance for you to now be truthful with yourself, now that you're more aware, and be honest with everything that you feel, including whatever surrounds feelings regarding our friend.

He obviously likes this girl a lot and wants to respect the fact she placed a lot of trust in him. It also shows what kind of amazing guy he is for saying no. He could have taken advantage of you but he didn't. He said no and took you home.

It's entirely up to you if you don't want to be friends with him, but I do think your reaction is based upon the fact you feel guilty and embarrassed. Allow things time to cool down and allow yourself to think on the situation for a while.

[Jennaholt]

The reason I want him to tell his girlfriend is because I've been there with my ex. He used to hide a lot from me and it made me uncomfortable. But my friend is not my ex and I don't want him doing the same thing, starting off a relationship with a lie. She obviously means more to him than me so I don't think he should sabotage that by hiding this. Again, what he does with his relationship is not my business. But she does trust me and I feel like I don't deserve it. So I feel she deserves to know. But I can't force him to tell her. I don't know how to face her.

I'm scared to bring it up with him now because I feel like I'm being dramatic/over reacting but it's been bothering so much. I hate myself for it. I'm not the kind of person who would betray someone's trust and everyone holds me very high up on my morals. They come to me to ask me what's right and what's not. And now I'm on the other side and I don't understand how I could've done it.

I keep thinking I'd want to know if I were her. And when he said she trusts me, I felt like a horrible person for doing what I did.
I spoke to my friend about it, and she said I'm overthinking it. And that I don't have to care so much since I'm not so close to her. But that's not where this is coming from. Whether I know her or not, I don't want to do this to another person.
I think I'm just looking for someone to be brutally honest with me and call me out on it. And make me feel bad for what I did. I don't want anyone to say what I did is okay. I don't know what to feel.

[Jennaholt]

Update: We talked about it

I told him that he needs to tell her and he said he will, just at his own pace. And he told me that it's going to break her and what they have. I said that we should probably not hang out anymore and that I'm sorry it had to come to this.

I hate myself so much. Not only did I ruin our friendship, I probably ruined his relationship with her as well. I can't believe I did this. There's nothing I can do to redeem myself or our friendship. But I was at least hoping they would be okay. I really fucked up this time and I'm so ashamed of myself.

I may digress from what other people have said, but I honestly feel like there is way too much drama here for what actually occurred. It was a drunken kiss. Not even a kiss, because he didn't kiss you back, and made sure nothing happened. So I legitimately don't understand what all the fuss is about. If their relationship is going to fall apart because of an almost-drunken kiss, one he didn't even reciprocate, they don't have a very strong relationship, and it's not your problem. I assume y'all are adults, if you're drinking. Talk about it like adults, openly and honestly. This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship.

[Jennaholt]

Thank you all for the response.

We talked it out. Seems like I was just blowing things out of proportion in my head, because of my own issues. I obviously have things to work through. But everything turned out to be okay.

[Everglow.]

I'm glad that after talking, things have worked out. Sometimes, we inflate situations and imagine the very worst possible outcome, and then it actually turns out okay. Hopefully you can forgive yourself for what happened now, as I do think people are entitled to make mistakes and then forgive themselves for them later.

[Dawn.]

Hi there,

I'm glad things worked out in the end. It can difficult but you did the right thing in the end.

[JohnPotter]

No drink. it's outrageous