Is it bad that I wish I could?

[Soda_Voxel]

TW: Substance abuse mention (well obviously), brief self harm mention, brief suicide mention


I don't currently struggle with substance abuse but often I imagine myself doing so, as a coping mechanism (albeit a very unhealthy one). Sometimes I wish I could do drugs or alcohol, just as a way to escape from how I feel. Of course I know this is an awful idea. I guess I just get so desperate that I'll find any way to stop feeling how I do. I'll imagine myself taking drugs (though not really any particular ones, I don't really know much about them) or drinking lots of alcohol (I've never drunk in my life aside from a few sips and I'm below my country's legal age to drink without parental guidance) - I know it's bad. There are people who would give anything to stop that kind of behaviour, and yet here I am, desperately wishing it upon myself because I don't have any healthy ways to cope that work for me. Other coping mechanisms I imagine are imagining myself self harming, or even attempting suicide (sometimes I imagine myself being rescued from suicide, too). I hope this isn't insensitive to anyone who does really struggle with any of this, I promise that isn't my intent - I've just been imagining this kind of thing and it's bothering me.

[Everglow.]

Hi Soda,

Like you, I've never touched drugs and don't really drink either, but I think when you're struggling to cope with things the mind turns to all sorts of ideas to try and get through things. Substance use is a form of self harm, and self harm is a massively popular way of trying to cope with problems in an unhealthy way, so it totally makes sense and I don't think it's insensitive at all. Ultimately, something has to be going wrong in order for you to think about this or consider it in the first place. So please don't feel bad for asking about it. It's a perfectly valid thing to say.

Obviously I don't know what mechanisms for coping you have tried, but I would recommend you continue to try new things out. There's a coping method out there for everyone, and often more than one. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to find what works for you, and that's ok. Try and vary it up a bit. Maybe get some fresh air or do a bit of exercise if you feel able to. If not, you could try journalling or writing. I know I've seen a couple of really amazing posts in the self expression forum here by you, so if creativity is something you enjoy, try and use that as a way to cope if you're not feeling so great. You could also try drawing, sketching or doodling.

Alternatively, have a look here:http://www.teenhelp.org/alternatives/

This link has a huge array of ideas for how you can deal with triggers in a healthy way and hopefully avoid some of the more harmful methods you've considered or imagined.

As I say, I don't think that what you've described here is insensitive at all. I think it's important to acknowledge that these are thoughts you are having so that they don't gnaw away at you. They're also only thoughts. Thoughts are not actions. So far, even though you're struggling and considering or imagining them, you haven't touched any substances, and you're still fighting the urges for self harming, suicide etc. That's amazing. You have control over your actions. Your thoughts might roam and they might be scary, but you are in control and you're doing well to keep going right now. Keep trying with the distractions and healthier coping methods. You can totally get through this.

Finally, don't be afraid to consider reaching out for real life help. I know it's scary and worrying, but if you're not doing okay, it's important to know when you could use the support. You could consider talking to a trusted friend or relative, or reach out to your doctor. Try not to do it on your own though.

I hope this helped a bit. Look after yourself.