My bf has a porn addiction

[angelfire_19]

Hi. This is my first post and I'm nervous but I need help and I don't know where else to turn. My bf has an porn addiction and i don't know what to do. Im here for him always but its like he choose that over me. He once told me it would be easier if i was around cause he would have me and wouldn't need porn but that was a lie since he still goes on it even though were in the same room sometimes. We live together and its hard. I know my body isn't like theres and I know he prefers theres, maybe that's why he choose that over me. How do i support him even more then i already do. How do i get over the fact that he wants them and not me. Help please. I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing and mean nothing cause of the way i look.

[anonymouswhale]

Hi there,

It sounds like you're having a pretty hard time :-/

You said that you know he prefers their bodies over yours. That is not necessarily true. See, men work differently than women. It is most likely that he is watching porn just to get a release due to his high sex drive/hormone levels. You two are still intimate right? Perhaps you could ask him what he likes about it that maybe you could try with him. I know that it can be hard to get over the fact that most of those women have perfect bodies, but remember that they do sex for a living and their body is so much a part of their job. I don't think that your boyfriend is trying to offend you- I know for me it made me feel better to give my boyfriend pictures of me to look at (if you're in a trusting relationship, of course).

[angelfire_19]

He told me once he wished mine were better, that they were perky and different and since then its really hurt my self confidence. Yes we are intimate but its just different now. He acts things out like porn and wants me to do things like porn and i don't like it. It really hurts me when he goes on porn. He doesn't think about my pictures or anything, he thinks about theirs and their videos.

First of all, it's important to recognize that your boyfriend's behavior has nothing to do with you. The fact that he prefers the porn star "look" doesn't mean you are unattractive or worthless; it just means that that's his preference. Don't let his preferences dictate how you feel about yourself.

It sounds like your boyfriend's behavior is hurting you and that your sex life is suffering because of it. Your boyfriend is probably unable to see that his words and actions are causing your distress. I would have a frank talk with your boyfriend about this issue. Try to avoid accusing him of anything; if you tell him he has an addiction it will likely make him defensive and he may not be receptive to the rest of your feedback. Let him know that you understand he likes porn, but when he makes comparisons between your body and that of porn stars or pushes you to act out porn fantasies it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. Make clear that you care about him and value your relationship, but that the way things are now is more hurtful than healthy. Ask him if in the future he could refrain from comparing your body to that of other girls and if your sex life can include things you feel comfortable with.

It's important to approach this from a standpoint of telling him what he can do to make your relationship healthy and happy rather than trying to limit his access to porn. If he can't implement that changes you talk about, however, it may be time to take a different approach. A healthy relationship should build your self-confidence, not tear it down. If he proves himself unable to stop comparing you to porn then you may need to decide if you can stay in the relationship.