Alcohol problems

[Ella.x]

Basically, I've been drinking a lot recently. I worked itout and I'm drinking around 70 units per week which is way more than the reccommended amount. I know that this is a dangerous amount to be drinking and have been told by several healthcare proffessionals that I should be thinking about cutting down. I'm not currently physically dependent on alcohol, but I find it really difficult to deal with my depression and anxiety without drinking. I'm in therapy and will be seeing a psychiatrist soon to review my meds. I'm hoping getting my meds sorted out will improve my mood enough to make it easier for me to help myself.
My question is: how on earth do I cut back? I honestly don't know what to do with myself without alcohol. Getting drunk is probably the least destructive coping mechanism that I have right now. I know it works temporarily, but I also know that it's not good for me.

[ForeverAnna]

Hey there,

You've done well to recognise and ask for help before the problem is out of hand, so you should be proud I'm sorry, I don't want to sound preachy but if you're on meds won't the alcohol be messing with the meds as well? I know you realise it's dangerous but I just need to stress how dangerous right now; meds and alcohol do not mix, together they're killers, you should be really careful, look after yourself

I know you said that alcohol is the least dangerous method right now, but in the long term it can be very dangerous, it can affect your kidneys and you liver which could cause organ failure and in extreme cases death So, short term it's not bad, but long term it is.

Okay, there was a study done that says that drinking throughout the week is healthier than binging on the weekend...I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying it's better to consume a bottle of wine throughout the week than a whole bottle and then some on the weekend. So while you're cutting down I suggest doing it in the best way you can I am in no way encouraging you to drink, I'm just suggesting ways to help reduce the risk of damage to yourself.

Cutting back can be difficult, especially when you think it's the only thing keeping you sane, but you have to set limits for yourself everyday. Like say...buy one bottle of whatever and then say you won't go out for the next two days or whatever. Or, do something similar to the butterfly project, the alternative for self harm? You could create something like that to help cut back your drinking. You could also set goals for yourself, like say you won't drink for so much time and then when that amount of time is done promise yourself you'll stop drinking for another say...day or whatever your goal was

Good luck, I'm always here to talk so feel free to PM me, stay strong.
Anna

[Ella.x]

Thankyou for taking the time to answer. Recently I have been trying to space it out so that I don't drink loads in one go. I think I'm actually scared of having to face things without alcohol. I've had 2 cans of lager tonight and I don't want to drink anymore, so I've switched to fruit juice, but the urge is overwhelming and now I want to self harm too. I've put my favourite film on, and I'm wrapped up in my duvet trying so hard to focus on it, but it is not working.
Now my mums just phoned me because I told her about the panic attacks I've been having and she was so nice. I honestly cannot stop crying. I hate it when people are nice to me. I really don't deserve it. I want a drink so badly, but I want to be able to cope without alcohol. I hate that I've let things get this bad.

[ForeverAnna]

You're welcome, it's not a bother really, I like to help

It's fantastic that you've been trying to stop on your own already, have you considered talking to your mum about it? If she was so supportive about your anxiety attacks then she'll be supportive of your drinking issues. If you don't want to tell her right now then you could just ask to stay with her for a little while, visit her. This might help you to fight the urge to drink because you don't want to look bad or different And she's yout mother, she cares because she loves you, you do deserve to be cared for, everyone does. It's not your fault that you've made some mistakes, everyone does, what you have to do now is just keep fighting and become stronger.

What you're doing is a great idea, once you've reached a limit or goal you've set yourself then switch what you're drinking. This suggestion may sound a little weird but one of my friends tried it and said it worked, but could you maybe try non-acoholic beer, or once you've drank a bottle of beer, refill the bottle with juice or something non alchoholic so you can trick your mind?


Take care
Anna

[Ella.x]

That actually sounds like a good idea! I've never seen the point in non alcoholic beers/wines before, but maybe it will trick me into feeling like I'm drinking, but not having all the bad side effects.
My mum is really nice and she said I could always go and stay with her if I need to, but she really only knows the bare minimum. She doesn't know I self harm, she doesn't know how much I drink, she doesn't know I'm suicidal. I try to avoid letting her know too much because I feel guilty about making her worry about me. I feel so awkward showing any sort of negative emotions around her because growing up, if I was upset/angry/crying I had to go to my room and stay quiet so that I didn't upset my little brother (he has autism and gets really agitated when people are upset/angry), so I guess I never really had that sort of emotional support from my mum before. Don't get me wrong, it's not her fault and she wasn't doing it to be mean, but I'm pretty sure this was one of the contributing factors to the problems I'm having right now. I'm terrified of actually having to experience my emotions properly. Damn, I must remember to tell my therapist that stuff.

[ForeverAnna]

Hey,

I'm not saying that you should tell your mum everything but maybe a little bit at a time so she gets used to one thing, rather than telling her all at once because that may stress her out and cause her to overload a little. But if she's dealt with your brother's autism for a long time, she'll be able to cope with your depression and anxiety, she'll deal with it the way she dealt with your brother; with love and care and tenderness.

I'm exactly the same with my mother, I find it so awkward to talk to her about anything because she has her own mental problems and works with special needs children at young ages so she's really busy. However, if you start with something small it will gradually get easier to tell her things and believe me, when you do tell someone you love, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You don't have to deal with this alone, your mother loves you and nothing you could say would make her love you any less.

Stay strong,
Anna