Triggering (Substances): Self Medication

[xeno]

I can't remember that last day that i was completely sober. I've been smoking Marijuana everyday for about 3 months. These past 3 months have been the hardest of my life. I have absolutely nothing to do with my father, I have pushed myself away from my mother, my grandmother died. I've been smoking pot so much because i have no support system in my life. everything just fell through the cracks.

It's like nobody cares what i do anymore or why i do the things i do. I'm coping with the pain of reality by shoving it aside. I know it's not what I "should" do... but what am i supposed to do?

My dad has NEVER been there for me. He has been stoned everyday of my life, all day. My mom lost her job and takes her frustration and stress out on me. My siblings and I have no relationship what-so-ever. The only thing that keeps me going through the day is taking hit after hit. I'm sober most of the day, but i always get high at some point. I used to be afraid of turning into what i am, but this is the only way i make it through the day.

I know I'm addicted. But addiction is easier to deal with then pain and sadness.

[yerstarr]

This is terrible. i know how you feel to an extent. you have to make your life easier and just do your own thing. you can accomplish anything but you have to face the facts first. i am new to this site, but i'm very helpful. most of the people on hear are really nice. i am not saying hand out your phone number, but i'm sure most aree willing to help. this can be your new support system, your new motivation, && your new family. if you ever want to talk then message me.

[Shannon]

Hey, I can understand. It makes sense. I would wake up everyday and I look at my life and I think "I don't want to deal with this" and I would just shut the world out. I used to use drinking and pot and pills for it, anything to alter the world, and eventually I didn't need any of that, I could shut everything out on my own. I thought it was awesome.

But, you know, sometimes the world sucks. It just does. But whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, we're still living in it. And if we give it a chance, it does get better. Things do improve. But you have to give them a chance to.

I'm not gonna jump down your throat with a bunch of rehab talk, but you know, it's probably a good idea. Or a shrink might be. I think the biggest factor is dealing with all the things in your life. Accept the things that are bad so you can try to improve them, and wake up in the morning and want to get up. You deserve to live in the real world, at it's best.