Am having seizures

[Proud90sKid]

I have been having these weird episodes since january 2019. It is always the same or similar.

January 2019- all of a sudden had the most intense back pain you can imagine but didnt remember its onset. My first thought was that I threw my back out.

December 2019: went on a walk and next thing I know I cant walk due to back pain that I had no memory of onset. It hurt for a month and I kept trying to figure out what it was. I thought it may have been acute pancreatitis, which Ive had multiple times before (but only once prior to this date).

April 2020- after grading calculus exams all day, I went to my apartment and laid down. The next thing I know I have same back pain and my bed covered in vomit.

April 2023: i was in bed with severe back pain and I again didnt remember the cause. I noticed by pillow was covered in blood and had no idea why. I went to the bathroom to get a drink of water or something and noticed that the shower had so much blood it was like a murder scene. I thought it may have been me having a grand mal seizure in the bathroom and falling and hitting my head super hard on the faucet. Had just enough doubt though to convince myself maybe it was all in my head

April 2025: last night, I got home from a bar. A few hours later at around 6am, my mom(had to move home again recently after job loss) hears me screaming (caused by air being forced out of your lungs due to involuntary muscle contraction- it's called the ictal cry) and walked into my room and saw me unconscious having a full blown seizure. I thought I was just in my room and had the familiar bitten tongue and back pain and was hoping my parents wouldnt find out. Apparently they were there the entire time and I just had no memory because while I was laying there, the paramedics came. I refused transport to the hospital and just told myself that it would be ok. Didnt want to be diagnosed with epilepsy and lose my drivers license, i also apparently told my mom that I hate myself over and over again which I didnt have the vaguest recollection until she told me today. I also threw up again from this seizure( never had any form of incontinence from a seizure, but uncontrollable vomiting is how my body reacts apparently). So now I am all of a sudden realizing that Ive had not one, not two, but SIX seizures in the past 6 and a half years. Or on average, about once annually. Im still sort of not all the way back mentally after this one. I can barely remember what I did last night or yesterday. There is blood on the walls and dipping tobacco on the floor that I have only barely been able to clean it all up because I can barely walk from the pain.

Six seizures means that I am undiagnosed epileptic. The definition of epilepsy is two unprovoked seizures in a lifetime. I also dont want to take medication when it will just cause side effects over 99.75 percent of the time when I have a seizure less than 0.25 percent of days. So Im epileptic, but a mild case. I dont want to lose my license or take medication but I also dont want this to happen while I am driving or riding a bicycle. I literally went 3 full years without one from 2020-2023 and another 2 years after that and I was unmedicated(except this last time...have been on klonopin daily and apparently that has potent anti seizure effects(is used to stop clusters of seizures), but it happened anyways).

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I’d definitely talk to a doctor. I know you don’t want to lose your license but seizures can be dangerous and there’s nothing saying they won’t get worse without treatment. Also, if you lose your license it’s not your fault but it’s for safety. If things do get worse there’s a chance of getting into an accident and hurting/killing some one else and I’m sure you don’t want that on your conscience.