Going to the doctor's with scars and cuts...

[iRide Eventing]

To be honest, I'm quite terrified. I went to the doctor's two days ago, and they were so close to seeing. Now I have to go to a knee specialist and might have surgery again. If I have surgery again there's no way they won't see it, my thigh is just lined with hella scars, and I don't want ANYONE to find out. Ever. Tbh, I'm a bit paranoid of just putting it on here because I'm scared it'll somehow bite me in the ass... yay for paranoia.

Anyway, make-up won't hide it. You can tell it's been covered and it'll be quite obvious. If they do see it, do they have to tell my parents? I honestly don't want anyone knowing. I have three very good friends that know, and I regret telling two of them. One does understand but the other two just kinda made everything worse... I wish I could take it all back.

I'm just nervous that someone will find out and it will ruin my plans of going into the Air Force and FBI when I'm older. Though that might already be ruined. I don't know what my doctor saw but she put me on anti-depressants and I have to go to counseling now... which also scares me. I don't wanna go to counseling, because it'll probably ruin my future. I don't wanna be on these anti-depressants, because it'll probably ruin my future.

Just, ugh.

Seems like my whole world is falling apart. ):

[Discontinuity]

Whoa, okay. I caught a lot of 'ruining my future' in that post, so let's examine that. Getting counselling and being put on antidepressants is actually a positive things. I'm not sure if you're willing to begin recovery yet, but even if you aren't, this could be a sign. The tools you need to get better and stop cutting are there--all you need to do is take advantage of them. If your doctor knows about your cutting and has prescribed you medication to help with your mood, then I'm guessing the scars on your leg will be a non-issue. Try not to be super paranoid, TH is a pretty safe place. Going through counselling and starting on antidepressants is a positive thing and I doubt it will ruin your future. If anything, it'll make your future possible. The feelings you're having don't go away on their own, and it'll be pretty hard to pursue a career in the air force or FBI dealing with a self harm addiction. You gotta just take this and run with it. If you need a chat, msg me xoxo

[Discontinuity]

double post oopsies