Going to the doctor...pretty much terrified.

[Cather]

Monday I'm going to the doctor to see about the possibility of having MS. I don't know if I'm more afraid of being told that I have it, or of being told that I don't. I've been trying to get my chronic illness diagnosed for years, but every time I go to the doctor I get bloodwork done and it comes back normal so the doctors always say either "come back in a month if it's still bothering you" or "let me review your file and I'll get back to you" [and then they never do].

I seriously do not think I can handle being told that nothing's wrong again. Every time I go to a doctor I can't help but hope they'll figure out something, and then I'm absolutely devastated when they don't.

I'm tired of saying that I'm sick all of the time, but not being able to say what with. My professors are tired of me missing class and their attendance policies kill me. I can't claim disability without a diagnosis.

I mean, I certainly do not want to have a disability or to be sick or to know that it's only going to be downhill from here, but I need to focus on the idea that a diagnosis is the best possible scenario--I can get meds and everything, and maybe my family will finally believe I'm sick.

But what if this doctor doesn't believe me, or labels me as a hypochondriac and dismisses me, or tells me it's all in my head, or only orders bloodwork and won't let me get an MRI.

I'm just so frustrated and afraid and I just want to be better.

[Music]

Being diagnosed with any chronic illness is scary, I know. But like you said it's kind of needed so that we can claim disability and provide proof that we were actually sick and not just sitting at home playing XBox all day.
Do you mind if I ask why you think it's MS though? Like what's going on? My friend has MS and it just seems like something that would be noticed in a couple years on it's own if not right away (if any of your doctors have half a brain that is). Truthfully I know nothing about MS other than what my friend has told me, so I'm just curious.

[Cather]

My main arguments for it are that

1. It doesn't show up in blood testing
2. I have the majority of the symptoms listed on the MS society website
3. My disease has the same behavior--I'll be just about perfectly normal for awhile and then I'll get a flare and be useless and stuck in bed, and then I'll get better again.
4. The symptoms change a bit each time and it's progressively getting worse.


Honestly I thought for awhile that I just got the flu a few times a year and that's what this was. Then I actually got the flu this past year and realized it was different.


To be fair though, I don't really know what other illnesses are out there that don't show up in bloodwork. But that's what the doctor is for.

[Cather]

My main arguments for it are that

1. It doesn't show up in blood testing
2. I have the majority of the symptoms listed on the MS society website
3. My disease has the same behavior--I'll be just about perfectly normal for awhile and then I'll get a flare and be useless and stuck in bed, and then I'll get better again.
4. The symptoms change a bit each time and it's progressively getting worse.


Honestly I thought for awhile that I just got the flu a few times a year and that's what this was. Then I actually got the flu this past year and realized it was different.


To be fair though, I don't really know what other illnesses are out there that don't show up in bloodwork. But that's what the doctor is for.