Do I have an eating disorder?

[BreakingBecci]

I can't stop eating. I eat constantly. I don't even want the food, and I'm not hungry, but I'll eat anyway. I very rarely feel full, and even when I do I don't stop eating. Everytime I do stop, I feel really guilty. I hate myself. I want to lose weight, but I still eat junk food all the time. Food is practically all I think about. I'll spend ridiculous amounts of money on food every day. I rush my food.
When I lived at home, I even hid it from my parents. I used to get home from school, go straight to the cupboards before they got home from work, take slices of bread, biscuits, chocolate, crisps, cheese - anything - and I'd take it to my room, put it in a drawer and eat it whenever I got the chance.
I don't want to keep eating all the time, and I don't even get any pleasure from it. I just feel guilty and hate myself even more every single time I eat something.

Is there something really wrong with me?

[gymnastxxLeah]

it could be binge eating disorder ( thats what it sounds like to me ) but i cant diagnose you.

dont hate yourself. its the worst resort. i know its hard to see sometimes, but you really do have good qualities. everyone does. the guilt and self-hatred could lead to SERIOUS problems(depression, self-harm, and possibly eventually suicide) and its NOT good.

this is gonna be a little hypocritical of me, but i do think you should talk to someone. i KNOW how hard this can be... i myself never had the guts to get help. but you CANT get better without professional help. dont find out the hard way. i know it sucka and its terrible, but if theres no one you trust, try a school counselor. theyre there for that! and at least for me, its easier to talk to someone who i barely know. because they dont know me enough to judge me. she'll tell your parents, maybe reffer you to a specialist. you could see a nutritionist... find out how to keep your mind off of food, and eat the right things for your body ...

you shouldnt have to do this alone, and you dont! i know its tough to talk... but its the only thing that can help you. i myself am walking into school tomorrow, going straight to a counselor, and saying "i purge. can you help me?" and although i'll probably be terrified and trembling, its what i've gotta do . i need to do ehats best for me, just as you need to do whats best for you. it wont "just go away"

i'm so sorry you have to go through this. please please PLEASE work on getting healthy. you can do it. please. i really do care... because i know what its like to hate yourself. and have no control over your eating habits .

it sucks right now, i know . PM me anytime for support. i believe in you !
*BIIIIGG hugs !*

good luck

[BreakingBecci]

i know it sucka and its terrible, but if theres no one you trust, try a school counselor. theyre there for that! and at least for me, its easier to talk to someone who i barely know. because they dont know me enough to judge me.

I would, only I don't have one. My college is actually about 1.5 hours drive away from where my course is based. If I had a car, I could get there, but there are no buses or anything so I can't get there. I have no one I can trust. I feel so disgusting.

I've been trying to get over it for years. I even went to slimming world for a while. And that worked. Until I moved away from home. Then I had no one checking my weight or anything. I can't afford £5 a week to go. I can't afford a counselor or anything.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

[gymnastxxLeah]

. i'm sorry. it seems crazy that your college doesnt have a counselor . do you live with anyone? maybe you could "accidently" leave your computer on this post . an eating disorder, no matter what type, is dangerous and is nothing to be ashamed of. its a disease! you can't help it if this monster has taken control of you.

you shouldn't have to do this alone, and everyone here at teenhelp will support you, but we also advise you to talk to someone. maybe a teacher? it doesnt have to be in person. it could be a note or anything... also, check online for a eating disorders hotline. call them, and they'll help you. check and see if theres a support group close to you...

i'm sorry you have to go through this. eating disorders are complete hell, but you can beat it.

[BreakingBecci]

I live in a student flat with five boys, and none of them EVER go in my room. If they did, I'd hurt them. I've looked for support groups, but unfortunately they're for anorexia and bulimia only. I'm awful at talking on the phone, and would never be able to get it all out. I just don't know what to do.

i have a binge eating disorder along with others and it sucks but I can't diagnose you and I know that there isn't much help out there for binge eating. If you ever need to talk let me know. I've gain a lot of weight in one year and that is unhealthy. so i understand

[Kindred]

Becci, it sounds like you've been getting brilliant advice, so I'm just mainly going to address your last concern about the support groups.

Eating Disorders, regardless of what category they fit into, are serious. A lot of support groups out there ARE for Anorexia and Bulimia, but only because they are the most "well known" if you like. A lot of the traits of BED are actually found in Bulimics, the two conditions are similar apart from bulimics purge. Any support site that works on the basis of "You have to be anorexic or bulimic to visit or we aren't giving you support" has the completely wrong idea. You aren't alone in suffering from this, no way. I'm going to send you a link to the BEAT website. It's a website designed to provide information and support for those suffering from any types of Eating Disorder.

A quick note on who you can tell- anyone you really trust. Maybe one day when you're at collage, have a quick chat with a trusted teacher? You've mentioned the school councilor isn't an option, but what about going to the doctors and being referred to a therapist? If you're in the UK like me (which I think you are) you should be entitled to free health care, and therefore shouldn't have to pay anything for this service.

Good Luck Becci. You aren't ever alone. I know you can beat this. You can win. I'm always here if you ever need anyone to talk to, and I'm sending big hugs your way

- Laura

[emma01]

Just because you don't have anorexia or bulimia, you still have very disordered eating. I am unsure of the disgnostic criteria for binge eating disorder but unfortunately the way you describe how you feel about food kind of fits what the name implies. Just because you won't get dreadfully thin, and you won't damage your oesophagus by vomiting, there are still huge consequences to this and you really do need to get help.
You can use support sites of course but I really do think that a professional will be the best option!

Good luck!