Eating Disorder?? Help!

[Saria]

So I'm pretty sure I most likely have an eating disorder but I haven't actually been diagnosed with one. I haven't really been to see a doctor to talk about it either though so there hasn't been the opportunity to be diagnosed with one though either.

Anyway I'm pretty sure that thinngs are getting worse and I am really starting to fustrate myself.

There is a lot going on in my life and a lot of reason that probably contribute to my eating disorder/habits. At first I didn't eat a lot because I quite often feel sick in the stomach from being stressed and anxious and the thought of food makes me feel sicker and so I used to just skip meals. Now its getting more then that though and has been getting progressively worse for probably close to 3 months now.

Over this period I have been eating just very little and not as normal meals and generally people haven't known that I have been eating.

It seems that now I constantly think about food and think about how I shouldn't eat and part of me feels like I want to have a serious eating disorder. I feel like I just want to starve myself until I disappear. I know this won't happen but I might get very ill and end up in hospital but there are times when I feel like this would be better then living at home.
I constantly tell myself and think that I shouldn't eat if I want to lose weight and I feel so fat even though I know inside of me somewhere that I'm not fat. Despite this though I feel really fat and just feel as though no matter what I weigh its not going to be enough. At the moment my weight is just on the boarderline of healthy and underweight but I really want to be underweight.

I don't weigh myself all that much though probably more then I should, probably about once a week, sometimes more sometimes less. Anyway I know that despite the fact I haven't been eating properly I haven't been losing any weight either.

I sort of have to eat my dinner because we sit down as a family at the table to eat, but a lot of the time I'll eat half of my dinner and make up all these excuses so my parents don't make me eat but they don't suspect anything and normally I get away with it and mum just thinks I don't like her cooking.

Throughout the day though I don't eat much. I skip breakfast pretty much everyday and don't eat my lunch during breaks at school. This is probably because I've been spending a lot of time in the deputy principals office during classes and break times because she is one of my support people. I don't like to eat in front of her because she knows that I don't eat and has said to me before that she thinks I probably have an eating disorder. I also don't eat in front of her because I feel like if she sees my eating she is going to think that I am ok and that I don't need her support and she is going to stop caring about me.

So I quite often will eat some of my lunch at the end of the school day before I ride my bike home because I feel as though it doesn't count as eating because I am about to burn it off on the ride home.

Everytime I do eat though I always feel so guilty and feel like I am fat and just regret eating and feel like I am not strong enough to refuse to eat. My thoughts drive me insane and I really fustrate myself when I eat because I don't want to eat and yet I still do it.

I hate feeling full and knowing I have food in my stomach and quite often I will deliberately go for a run after eating.

Pretty much all the time I am thinking about food and when I eat I try to only eat little amounts but there are times when I will sort of just binge out on food as well. I don't know if that really is the best way to describe it though because its like I binge out on junk food or anything. It normally is healthy food that is part of a balanced diet I will just eat a lot of it in a short amount of time, which then leaves me feeling bloated and sick because my bodies not used to it.

Its really starting to affect my physical health too because when I haven't been eating or if I have been hungry and haven't eaten then I feel sick in the stomach and like I am going to vomit not that I ever do. Also quite often when I have been sitting for an amount of time when I go to stand up or move I experience dizzy spells and feel light headed and like I am going to faint. It also seems that I constantly feel lathargic and have no energy whatsoever and am so fatigue and exhausted.

So I guess thats everything. Its probably seems like just a rant. I guess I want advice though. I don't know what to do. A huge part of me feels like I don't really have an eating disorder because I have full control over it and I do eat but at the same time I feel like I do. I am just so confused about it though and don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should try talking to my deputy principal about it more or if I should see a doctor about it or what to do. I just feel so lost and feel like I am making a big deal out of a really small thing. I don't know. Do I have an eating disorder or not? The things I do and the thoughts I have surely can't be normal, right? Please help.

[Stargazed.]

We can't diagnose you here, only a doctor can. The thoughts are scary, I know they are. But you need to talk to a medical professional so you can get help. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. Take care.

[Coffee.]

Brittany is right, we cannot diagnose you, and self diagnosis is not the best, if not dangerous. I would see a doctor. If you are worried about your weight, you can go to a nutritionist and get a healthy weight loss plan to be able to reach your goals. But psychologically, getting help so that you can be able to feel good about yourself is the best option.
Message me if you need to talk, I'm here.

[Saria]

I realise that I shouldn't diagnose and I realise that no one on here is a professional and cannot diagnose me either. That isn't what I wanted to achieve by posting what I did. I really just wanted on advice on whether I should talk to someone about it or not. Although I was wondering and I realise no one will probably be able to answer it either, but I was wondering if anyone knew if a psychologist can diagnose someone with an eating disorder?? I only ask because I am seeing a psychologist about other issues and was wondering if they could diagnose me with an eating disorder if I had one and help me with it?

[Just Peachy.]

Hey there,

Sorry for the late reply. I've been super busy lately, but I've definitely been thinking of ya and what I could say!

First of all, I think you've got an eating issue. I would definitely consider seeing a doctor, and this can progress to be a more serious issue, resulting in mass amounts of health problems. You already have health problems from this, as you mentioned it in your post. When thing start affecting your health, it's about time you fix it, or change what's been causing your health to fail. It's like an infection. You have to treat it for it to go away, otherwise it just grows bigger and bigger, and pretty soon you're on your death bed. Not trying to scare you, just trying to let you know how fatal eating disorders can be. And also how they need to be taken seriously.

The reason why you're not losing weight is because well, starving yourself doesn't work. What tends to happen is if you don't eat, your body may think you're starving, and stores anything you digest as fat. And if you don't eat anything at all, your body again, thinks it's starving and will eat away at your muscle. Not even eating away a fat. There is nothing for you to gain by you not eating. You are a lot better off eating healthy, watching your portions, and exercising. You've got more to gain from doing this. You'll lose weight the healthy weight, gain some muscle, and feel loads better health wise. It's all around a better idea to go the healthy route.

Lastly, I really feel as though you'd benefit from talking to people about this. I know you talk to the deputy principle, and that's a good thing. Talking to people can really make you feel better. If you hold everything inside of you, then what you're going through is only going to get worse. Is it possible for you to talk to your parents about this? They can get you into counseling. I was afraid to tell my mom, but when I did, she was so supportive. I didn't think she was going to be. Parents can surprise you sometimes. They can get you the best help, and put you on a road towards recovery. They're your parents, and you would do right by bringing them into this, as they love you and want the best for you.

I hope this helped a little!
-Lyndsee