Developing an Eating Disorder or not???

[Saria]

So... I've always I've always been pretty skinny and have never been one to eat alot and the food I eat generally is healthy but now I think I'm developing an eating disorder.

Its not that I don't eat at all... its just that I eat very infrequently and when I do eat I eat very little. When I eat when its not breakfast, lunch or dinner I just feel so guilty and feel so fat. Deep down I know that my BMI classifies me as just underweight but I still feel fat.

Whenever I eat I am so self conscious about it and count the bites I eat. I won't even eat in front of my older brother who sexually abused me when I was younger now. I even am starting to keep track of calories and won't eat anything classified as 'unhealthy'. I constantly feel lathargic and exhausted. It seems that alot of the time now I feel ill in the stomach and I never have an appetite to eat anything and the sight of food makes me want to be sick. Every morning now I weigh myself and when I see that I haven't lost or gained any weight this fustrates me and I skip breakfast and eat very little throughout the day.

One of my teachers said to me that I'm already skinny and that the things I go through at home are affecting me and I really need to look after myself and speak out but I just want to fade away. At the same time though I'm starting to think that this has gone to far and maybe I am developing an eating disorder but I don't know! I'm so confused

[emma01]

I can't actually diagnose you with an ED, but from what you are telling me, you could very well end up with anorexia. You know yourself what you are doing isn't right, or you wouldn't have posted. But I am glad you did, because I really feel that you need some help.

One thing - we need to eat, everyone does. Now I had this told me so many times, did it make a blind bit of difference? no! And I doubt it will change you either!
The thing is, I can only tell you this and that, and urge you to stop now before you really do get yourself trapped in an eating disorder, and the best way to prevent this is to actually tell someone so you can have some physical support, someone who you can talk to throughout the day, maybe a parent, sibling (possibly not your brother), maybe a close friend, teacher, or even a counselor. These people will be able to help you out!

You can't win with an eating disorder. Because if you do lose lots of weight, you will be found out, and possibly sent to inpatient treatment, if you still refuse to eat you will be tube fed (I have had this - it sucks) and you will gain weight - and you may possibly end up larger than you ever have been, if you have always been classified as underweight. It would be better to do this healthily, stay at the right weight for you and have control over your life, as opposed to be forced to eat etc.

Anorexia sucks, it really is a terrible thing, and you lose so much more than weight. You lose happiness, self control, friends, family, trust, energy, and even love....you lose everything. Don't be another statistic! You have the power to change this right now!

Take Care!

By the way - I was in the Gold Coast in January! I love it so much! You are so lucky! I love the theme parks!

[Saria]

Thanks Emma,

I think I have realised now that I do need help I just don't have the courage to ask for it and I am too scared of being judged. I just feel so helpless. I really want to tell my teacher because she keeps trying to find out if there is something I should be telling her but I just don't know how to bring it up....

[Maloo]

I've said it many times, and I'll say it again - If you have to ask, the answer is most likely yes.

[Sarahh9]

Im not a doctor, but youre developing really bad behaviors. Sweetie, youre not fat, you are beautiful. You need to eat to survive to fight another day. You can try to fix it yourself, but it already seems like youre too far in. Is there anyone you can reach out to? I know it might sees unrealistic to talk to your parents, but you can probably talk to one of your friends. Tell her what youre going through, and she/he could be able to give you the support you need to stop this monster before it gets too late.

Eating disorders are not glamorous. You might lose weight at first (though it doesnt seem like you have much to lose) but you will gain it all, plus more, back. And that sucks, trust me.

You are not as fat as you think you are. I promise

[Saria]

I don't know if I want to talk to anyone about it though... That would make it real....

[Just Peachy.]

Saria, is this something that you want help for? Or just want to know if it's an ED or not? It sounds to me like it's ED behavior. But really, none of us are doctors. So, the best person to answer you question is a doctor. Your situation IS real, so talking about it won't make it any more real then it already is. Talking about it is going to get you the help that you need and deserve.

[Saria]

I want help for it... I'm pretty sure your right and it probably is an ED. I realise that I really need to see a doctor about it but that would mean me parents having to arrange it and they wouldn't care. I just want to be able to talk to someone in my 'real' life about it but I just don't know how to bring it up???

[Just Peachy.]

Can you see a guidance counselor at school to help you with this? Or even a teacher.
If they can talk to your parents about it, your parents might be more apt to be believe it you know? Saying the first few words are never easy. Would writing about it help? It might help to organize your thoughts a bit better and you can either give the letter to someone, or read it to them?

[Saria]

I don't think writing it down will work... I've tried that numerous times before for different things and it never works. As for seeing the guidance counsellor, I really don't feel comfortable talking to her as I've had to talk to her before about different things and it never works; I always end up clamming up and not saying anything. However, I do have a teacher that I really trust and confide in and I've talk to her about so many different things before I have a voice inside my head saying that if I talk to her about this as well its going to be one of many of my other problems shes helped me through and I just keep thinking that shes done enough and I shouldn't be bothering her.......

[Just Peachy.]

Talking about it is going to be uncomfortable. No doubt. But you have to be willing to try anything if you want to get better. I know how hard it is, trust me. Don't feel like you're bothering someone who tries to help. Keep trying to get the help that you deserve. How out of control do you think this behavior is for you?

[Saria]

I think its starting to get pretty out of hand... I think the last time I ate something of a decent amount was like 4 or 5 days ago when I had to eat dinner with my parents. Since then my parents have been out every night and its sort of been 'get something to eat for dinenr yourself when your hungry' thing so I've managed to skip dinner since then. I've eaten the odd piece of fruit and all I had yesterday was a glass of milk and this morning I feel so ill in the stomach and have no energy but when ever I try to eat some cereal, my stomach doesn't even want it.....

So I think its definately becoming a problem that needs addressing.

[Just Peachy.]

That deifinitely is not healthy, and you know that. So, I'm wondering, how far are you willing to go to get the help you need?

[Saria]

I don't know.... I just.... I don't want to let this get any worse but at the same time I'm on school holidays, am stuck at home, have no one to talk to and no one to ask for help til I go back to school.

[Just Peachy.]

I really think that you need to open up to your parents.
You think that they might not believe you, but you need to make them believe you.
You never know. Parents could surprise you. <3
Do you think you would be able to control this a bit yourself?

[Saria]

If my parents found out I would be abused even more then I am now... Therefore I don't really want them finding out because the way I am treated makes me feel how I do about myself and is probably contributing to my actions in relation to food.

[Just Peachy.]

Your parents abuse would be a contributing factor towards an ED.
I highly encourage that you tell someone about the abuse. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this.

This is something that you're going to need to try and stop yourself, then.
Can you make a food plan, and do some research on healthy food ideas?
That might make you a bit more comfortable with eating.
Because, truthfully, something has to give, dear.

[Fabrication]

Saria,
I wouldnt diagnose you with ED yet, but you really need to tell a parent about your behaviors. These symptoms could eventually lead to ED but I will tell you one thing - You are not fat. Especially since you are underweight. Eventually, this could lead to you being anorexic. Which is never good. Feeling that you are fat, is kinda normal because I get these moments where I feel fat. But I know that Im really not. Always keep this in mind (it might help you) "The more you stop eating meals, the more you come closer to being anorexic" It might now be the best thing to think about, but it might help you eat regular meals. Eating in between meals (especially between lunch and dinner" is perfectly fine. I do the same thing. But just stuffing yourself silly is bad. Having a small amount of lets say peanuts or chips is fine.
Try in between snacks, just small amounts. But skipping breakfast is a definite no. Eating breakfast is the most important meal of that day (even though you might of heard this millions of times) it really is. It gives you the energy that you need for the day. Try just eating like an apple or a muffin for breakfast. Nothing like a huge buffet though. Just something simple.
Really I seriously hope this helped you because I dont want you becoming an anorexic. None of us do. If you ever need someone to talk to about this, please PM at any time of the day♥♥