Triggering: Depression, Anorexia,SH,etc.. Let.Me.Die.

[lelala]

-my mom is in the hospital with an infection and a fever and they don't know why.

-she had her two kidneys removed.

-goes to dialysis three times a week to replace the kidneys and keep her alive.

-she had breast cancer when i was in 5th grade. 4 years ago. thats when everything went to hell.

-she had lupus since she was 14 which has prevented her to be on a special diet and prevented her from doing things (roller coasters,outside activities,etc...)

-i've been physically and verbally abused since 4th grade

-physically- hit by "best friend" a few times. pushed against lockers, tripped to the ground to the point where i was bleeding, kicked in the stomach, almost raped, pushed into poles and walls to the point where my face was scratched up.

-verbally-told that "you should have never been born and that people are happy you were adopted because no one wants you just like your birthparents"

-i was adopted at birth because of an alcoholic 16 yr old birthmother, who had my half brother with his birth dad, broke up with him, got together with my birth dad, had me, then got back with the first guy who said he didn't want anyone else's child but his own so he forced to give me away. and she didn't tell her parents about me either.

-i'm only 5" which is another reason that i get abused

-i used to SH and smoke.

-i have a boyfriend who has anger issues and gets mad at me ALOT

-i was forced to move and transfer schools in january and parents got divorced(all happened in one week)

-RECENTLY=i was supposed to go to my friends house this weekend. and her mom read her txts cause she wasn't supposed to be awake or texting, and saw our conversation cause my friend was asking questions about smoking and asking me to get some and where we would get it,etc. and told my friend to tell me that the mom is going to call my parents, and i feel guilty as it is with all the stuff going on already. my mom knows about my smoking past and we already had a talk. and i was crying hysterically already and she said she wasn't going to ground me or anything. but i feel bad about my dad finding out and i hate that i cant see my friend this weekend.

ive been through way more but thats most of it

the current to add is last
ive been thru more than most 14 yr olds would have to go through in 4 yrs
oh and ive been becoming anorexic recently and trying to overdose on my antidepressants

[Darrenboy!]

thats a WHOLE LOT MORE than what a lot of other people are dealing with. i can tell you that it will only get better .

when things hit the lowest of the low, the only way left is up .

Thats something that a lot of people hold on to, and i believe and i KNOW it is true. and remember that no matter what other people say to you, the only fact that will still hold true is the fact that you're a really wonderful person and special person.. you've been through so much, and you probably understands how it feels to suffer( which you DO NOT DESERVE to go through at all ) . and i respect you for being so strong.. it will only get better from here. and remember that no matter what, you' are always welcome to talk to all of us.. including and especially me

because i hope that this will make you feel better. and the thing is we are all going to be behind you, supporting you because we understand, we care and we want to help. and we are going to

ready to help and listen anytime.

[MissJessicaAnne]

Hey LeLaLa,
That So much that you've gone through, and you truely dont diserve so much pain, if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always Pm Me, i'll always listen if someone needs somehelp or just someone to listen.

xx Jess

[Moyshi]

Hey Ariella,
I'm glad you posted this. It takes alot of courage to let someone else know what's going on in your life, so you should be proud that you were able to get it out.

I'm sorry about your mom, I really hope they find out what's wrong and that she recovers quickly. It's difficult to have a parent who's sick, just be sure to support her and let her know you're there for her, I'm sure that she'd appreciate that.

Ariella, your best friend should not be treating you like that. You don't deserve to be physically abused by anyone. Remember that, okay? I suggest you take a break from hanging out with them because you're risking your health and life around them.

Your boyfriend should also be treating you with respect. If he has anger issues, he should not be taking them out on you. He needs to work on controlling it around others. I suggest you talk to him about it because maybe he just doesn't realize how upsetting it is to you.

Eating disorders are just another way to cause harm to your body, and they will create so many problems to your physical and mental health. You don't deserve to treat your body like this, and depriving it of food isn't going to help anything. I'm glad you've stopped your SH, and we have a useful thread (Alternatives to Self Harm) in case you ever have urges.

You've been through a whole lot, Ariella, and you're a very strong individual. Is there anyone you can talk to about what you're dealing with and have dealt with in the past? You don't have to do this alone, and asking for help or support will help you. Approach one of your parents, a trustworthy friend, a teacher, or a guidance counselor. Hot lines are also useful when you need someone to talk to. You're not alone in this, I hope you will reach out for support. Take care. :]

[Mixtape91]

Hey,
It will get better. I know things probably seem crappy now but things cant stay like that forever. And the fact that you've endured so much already just proves how strong you are. You should be proud of that and acknowledge it. You can't stop fighting, theirs so much more out their. And most of it GOOD. You just have to try to stay positive and take care of yourself. It sounds like your coping by starving and hurting yourself. Their are other solutions. Their are other and better and more useful alternatives. You just got to have a little hope and faith. If their is anything i can help you with let me know. I'm here for you, pm anytime

take care and keep strong

- Hannah

[Staceyanne]

Hey,
I'm sorry to hear about all this going on. But I'm glad that you've posted this, it takes a lot of courage, so that's a good step forward
You shouldn't be abused, no one should, it's a horrible thing, stop being friends with them, and tell someone near you maybe that this has been happening? And your boyfriend's not really nice either to be honest, no one AT ALL should be laying a finger on you.
I'm glad you've stopped SH, that's a great thing, and your winning the battle. I know all about that, so your doing well, trust me. And ED, they're tough too, I know about them aswell.... You shouldn't be putting yourself through this, I know it's hard due to the circumstances, but your a great person, who doesn't deserve this.
Overall, I believe you are a strong person, and can over come anything. If you ever have any issues, please dont hessitate about PM'ing me. I'm here for you.
Take care
x