Am I developing an eating disorder?

[Marli Mint]

I'm not really sure if i'm developing some form of Anorexia. I apologize to anyone that does have one. I don't mean for this to offend anyone.

Last year, my self-esteem, confidence, and self image all took a hit at once and I started having minor depression. Around January that year I started worrying about my body and the slumps I have on my stomach on legs. Eventually, I had started dropping meals and snacks. I got to about 1.5 meals a day until I looked at my weight and stopped knowing I was underweight. I had only done it for about 2 weeks so it wasn't serious then.
This year my self-esteem, confidence, and self image all got way worse. I'm struggling with depression problems. (which you can read about in a thread I posted.) About February, I got really worried again about the way I looked. I saw my naturally chubby cheeks and my stomach flab and went insane. I stopped eating completely, and I would go for about 3 days with 2 snacks. I counted my calorie intake and wrote down the calories of all the things I used to eat normally figuring out what I could and couldn't eat.
Then it got serious. I started obsessively watching youtube videos on anorexia telling myself "You can look like that" and viewing Pro-Ana websites on a daily basis.
Now, I ditched the pro-Ana sites because I found them worthless. I still check youtube for new anorexia videos after watching near all of them often. I've been running on a YooHoo (XXX Calories) and one meal a day if I don't absolutely lose it. When I do lose it, it's only part of a cheez-it mini box and 2 or 3 yoohoos. The most i've ever eaten in a day the past 3 or 4 months were a fast food meal (My parents don't know so they take me out to fast food places sometimes) and a soda plus the yoohoo and a snack.
Whenever I tell myself I need to stop, i'll try and try. I'll eat a meal and afterwards I will get insanely guilty and proceed to a treadmill.
About a week ago, I decided I NEEDED to stop regardless of what I gained. I'm at (Really Low) on my BMI, and I weighed (Not Allowed To Say) pounds. (Yes, I'm short so it's not as much as you think) I stepped on our scale a few days ago and threw a fit. Since I started eating more I had went up to (Not Allowed to Post) pounds and I was angry and teary at the same time. I feel like i'm never going to get rid of this even if I want to be able to eat again. I'm back down to (Not Allowed to Post)pounds now.

Is this Anorexia? Whenever I read about anorexia, it's always way worse than this.
I'm not asking to be diagnosed, i'm asking if these are signs of development.

[BlessSpecies]

Definitely.
I'm no expert by any means on this, but I wanted to make sure you got a response. I never struggled with anorexia (mostly because I LOVE to eat), but I did with bulimia.

My best advice to you would be this: look deep within yourself and find the true reason for why you feel so self conscious about your weight. For me, it was that I didn't feel pretty enough because I kept getting rejected by guys. Then I realized they weren't worth it and found myself in new company. I'm now with a guy that loves me for who I am; I'm on a healthy diet now.

I wish you the best, and if there is anything else I can do to help you... feel free to PM me =)

[eunoia]

Hey there, Miyuki.

It sounds like, no matter what anyone says (that you do or do not have an eating disorder) that you have been struggling a lot lately. I'm no doctor, of course, but it seems pretty clear to me that you have an unhealthy relationship with food and your body image. Does that mean you are living with anorexia? I don't know. A doctor would, though, and I think that maybe you should consider seeing your doctor soon.

What I do know is that it is so, so important to share your feelings with someone, including these. Have you tried talking to your parents about all of this?

If you asked most people, they will tell you that counting calories in a very precise way, as well as restricting your intake, is unusual and unhealthy. Most of the people who tell you otherwise likely have unhealthy relationships with food. Restricting your food intake can be very damaging to your body and leave you dealing with serious, sometimes life-threatening complications. You deserve better than that, Miyuki.

You seem to want out of this, and that is a wonderful step in the right direction. Take that desire to live a safe and healthy life, grab a hold of it and take a risk; reach out for help.

[SilentConfessions]

Usually there is another reason behind all of this. What is the reason which is causing you to concentrate on your body image and eating? Like BlessSpecies said look insdie you for the real reason which you are doing this. Usually working through that reason stops your worrying about your body image.

Becoming obsessed with your body image is a cover up for something deeper. You say you have posted another post elsewhere about other problems. I think you should concentrate on solving the other problems that you have and you should find that this one will eventually stop along with the them.

Hey there,

This sounds serious and I think you should talk to someone about it. I know it might be scary right now but I think with the proper help and support you can make it through this.

Angel is right about there being underlying reasons behind it; do you think you could try to figure it out? You mentioned that your self-esteem plummeted but do you know why?

If you can't seem to figure it out off the top of your head, which is definitely hard, do you think you could start keeping a journal about your day and the things that happened in it? This might help you figure out why your self-esteem has lowered and why you are feeling the need to not eat in general. Journaling is also a great way to get your feelings out positively.

Hang in there and please talk to someone.

If you need someone to chat with my pm box is always open.

[andrea87]

Hey there!

The best way to know if you have an eating disorder or not would be to go see an specialist or your doctor. And believe me, I know how hard that can be.
I've been living with Bulimia and some periods of Anorexia for the past 7 years and I can tell you that seeing a certain number on the scale will not make the problems fade away... An eating disorder combined with other issues makes the main problem, whatever that may be, a lot bigger and sometimes there is not way back.
Talk to your parents, ask for help but don't let the food and everything else that it implicates control your life.

Just PM me whenever you need, ok?

Take care!!

Andy

[Marli Mint]

Thanks for responding everyone. I've lightened down a bit after writing that.
I read over it and the responses many times, and ended up going into panic mode. I've been forcing myself to eat a bit more. I feel sort-of pathetic because it only took that for something that was so bad in little time. Thanks, again <3