Bulimia/Anorexic urges.

[Lil-x]

I'm a victim of sexual abuse, just been through a miscarriage, addicted to SH, and now Bulimia and Anorexia.

Everything I've been through, a few months back I wasn't eating anything. Then with encouragement and help I put on some weight. I also stopped self harming back then. But now...I've started everything again, I've un-done all of my hard work and I feel so guilty. I really need help. I'm constantly cutting, making myself throw up basically nothing, because I haven't eaten anything. How can I get help for this. I don't know how I did it before. I feel so disgusting and horrible. This isn't particularily about my body, I am doing this to hurt myself because I deserve it. Please help me. And if you can help on my posts in Rape & Abuse, SH and Childcare. I need someone, I can't do this alone. It's too much to deal with, that is why I result to all of this.

[Fictional]

I think the first thing you need to do is realise that you don't deserve any of this, nobody does. What is it specificly that makes you want to purge? Is it eating certain foods, eaitng in front of people, eating in general? Then try to figure out a way around that. I'd also recomend - if it's available at your school - getting an appointment with one of the CHAT team. I've done it before, an it really helped boost my self esteem, as well as getting you out of a boring lesson.

With the self harm, try some of the alternatives to self harm, listed in a thread in the Self Harm board, try hanging out with friends that make you feel special, and get rid of whatever you use to cut. If that doesn't work, then just remember, cutting doesn't make you a bad person at all.

As for your sexual abuse and miscarrige, I think the best thing to do would probably be to try to get counceling.

I hope this helps =)
xx

[Lil-x]

It's just the thought of eating, the actual food, I don't like my body that much but it's not about fat. I just don't think I deserve happiness and because I'm always upset I don't get hungry, you generally don't if your kind of depressed. I can't see a councellor for 2-3 weeks. Sorry but, it's just impossbile not to cut or anything for tha long. I need help before then. I'm not sure people actually realise how I'm feeling or how hard this is hitting me. I have looked at some of those alternatives on the SH board, but I just can't quit my cutting. It's so damn addictive. I just need to talk about it, but talking about those men and what they did to me is my worst trigger. That's what got me back on the cutting, putting about what happened in the Rape forum. But I just can't eat, and if I do, I just want to throw it up again, and that's exactly what I do. Just eating in general I think. I just feel like a bad person because I must have done something to deserve this. I feel guilty about it, because I tried so hard to get out of this before, and I did. Now I've gone back. Thanks for helping xx

[Fictional]

s it actually chewing food and swallowing it you can't stand? maybe you should try eating soups for a while, of eating super-low calorie foods for a bit? If it's available at your school, CHAT are very similar to councelling.

[Lil-x]

No, I just dont like eating. I hate the feel of food in me, and I can't stand it because I get ill from crying anyway, it helps to throw up. I feel ill if I eat anything. I just, I don't even know what it is I just can't eat or if I very rarely do, I want to puke it up again.

[Lil-x]

Ok, right, this is getting so bad. I can't stomach anything, even looking at food makes me feel like purging. I don't want to eat. I really do have an ED. Ok...looking back, what have I eaten in the last 3 days? Half an avocado and 2 squares of melon. I have managed not to purge but I'm not eating anything, my bulimia is just anorexia at the moment. I'm confused what exactly do I have? Help me, I'm hungry, but I can't make myself eat!

I'm also getting really dizzy and feel so weak. Oh yeah...I fainted a couple of times. is this because I'm not eating?

[libra baby]

Yeah, the fainting/weakness/dizziness is prolly cuz you're not eating properly.

[eunoia]

Hey there,

If you are experiencing symptoms like dizziness, weakness, and fainting you really should contact your doctor immediately. We're not doctors, you know? So we can give you emotional support and encourage you to take good care of yourself, but we cannot help you if you are physically sick. We want to see you well, so hopefully you will consider calling your doc?

[Lil-x]

I can't really call my doctor. But, I feel so guilty if I eat anything, like I'm so damn hungry but I ate like 2 slices of peach this afternoon and I was like F*** what am I doing? I'm so hungry, but I can't eat. I don't want to eat. At least thats what I automatically keep telling myself.

Ok, Ugh, I have managed to avoid mealtimes for several days and have been trying to take small steps at eating. That isn't working. My family don't know about this and I am now being made to sit down and eat a whole meal. I won't be able to stop myself from purging. I know it this time. HELP!

[Lil-x]

Please can anybody help me? I posted a thread before talking about what exactly was wrong and my bulimia/anorexia. But my friends are so worried about my health; collapsing, weakness etc. They are getting really extreme, my best mate has started off this new idea earlier, saying whatever I eat she'll eat.

Except well, I don't eat, anything. For long amounts of time. I have a ED. She has ED past, I will not let her go back to this, I can't just suddenly start eating, she is trying to help.

But it's just annoying and worrying me. I don't want to be physically force fed. How can I talk her out of this stupid idea. I don't want anybody else to get hurt or starve. I wan't to do this my own way, even if that means leraning the hard way. Help me, what should I say, she wont listen to me when I discourage her. They don't understand. I cannot eat.

[eunoia]

Hey there,

Your friends are worried about you because, it seems, they have reason to be. Your friend is taking a somewhat drastic action probably because she is concerned for your health and safety, and maybe even your life.

Now is the time to reach out to someone who can help you. If not today, when? You can say that you will do it tomorrow, but what if you say that again and again? Help yourself; you deserve that.

[Unicorn.]

Hey x
Your friend sees you hurting, and that's going to hurt her too. She's probably doesn't hace a clue what to say, or do, and if she's taking measures this drastic, maybe it's time for you to think about helping yourself. Let yourself get the support you need, because it really sounds like you need it.

You haven't done anything to deserve this though- you need to understand you don't have to punish yourself for anything x

We're all here, but you should really think about seeing a counsellor. You could talk to a teacher, or adult you trust, even your local GP.
You don't have to go through this alone.

Hope this helps, PM me anytime you need to.
-Jess x