Triggering (ED): Ed vent and advice?

[Em0bxy]

so I gained over editedpounds after starving myself for months...I feel guilty and shameful and bad for this...I'm thinking about starving myself again. To the point I'd go to the hospital bad if anybody in my hometown actually found out how bad my thoughts are. I want to kill myself because I gained weight. I want to never eat again...let alone LOOK at food. I know if I starve myself I'll end up back in the hospital again and that's what I'm trying to avoid, I just want to be small...small and happy...whether that means I get an iron deficiency and become anemic or I become skin and bones I want to be fucking small. I want to be skinny. I weigh edited and I'm 5'4, which means my bmi is edited...Why can't I fucking my skinny?!?! Why can't I be small...why can't I have a lower number on the scale...I'm dying to be smaller...you know what? I'm going to fucking starve myself until I'm skin and bones, because it'll make me happier...just to be smaller than this. I would give ANYTHING to be smaller than this.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this.

Do you think your parents would take you to see a dietitian or at the very least your primary care physician to see if you truly are at an unhealthy weight and also give you ways to get to a healthy weight without starvation? They can help develop a diet and exercise plan to get you to a healthy BMI without dropping into unhealthy weight territory.

Remember you can be healthy at any weight, or unhealthy at any weight. Eating healthy and following an exercise plan, as well as things such as getting an appropriate amount of sleep and listening to your body's needs overall are more important than the number on the scale. Being underweight can cause a whole lot of health issues just like being overweight can, and some of those issues can potentially be lifelong or even fatal.

I might come back to this later and add more, but keep your head up!
Dez

[Em0bxy]

I've seen a dietitian before and they said they couldn't do much with the situation at hand. I just don't really feel hungry anymore...it's kind of like there was an off switch and someone hit it. I don't really know when, or how, but they just did.

[Proud90sKid]

You are 12 years old according to your profile. Starving yourself during adolescence could have long term effects on your cognitive development. A lot of cognitive changes happen after 12. It also mentions that you are a trans guy. Starving yourself will reduce the amount of vertical growth in height, while most men want to be tall. Starving yourself also is not a good way to lose weight. It messes up your metabolism and confuses your body into responding like there is a famine. Best of luck, you need to see a professional regarding this. Nobody should have this issue at any age, but you are far far too young. Actually by professional, I really mean more than one. One doctor to help determine why you are supposedly overweight (there can be hormonal factors) and help you lose it properly. There is a drug called ozempic that a lot of overweight people are using, but Im not sure if it is available for children barely old enough to take aspirin. And another professional who is a psychologist who can help address the eating disorder behaviors and body dysmorphia.

As someone who has struggled with weight in the opposite direction(sometimes just forget to eat), I can tell you that it is better to he overweight than underweight for your health and especially your development. Skin and bones is very bad, unhealthy, and also does not look good on a person. You will look and feel sickly. The problems with being overweight typically happen later in life so you have time to wait.

[Em0bxy]

I just can't even do daily activities how shitty I feel because I'm overweight now(not that the overweight is stopping me, but my mind is stopping me)

[Proud90sKid]

Originally Posted by Em0bxy

I just can't even do daily activities how shitty I feel because I'm overweight now(not that the overweight is stopping me, but my mind is stopping me)

It is your mind. You have you whole life to figure this out. Most people
that I know look completely different in their 20s vs teens. They didnt starve themselves. If there is nothing that can be done now, just wait a few years. By that time, there will probably be expansion of various treatments to include <18. Dont starve yourself. These treatments are new and you have literally your whole life. Starving yourself will harm your development. Please dont! Nobody looks at their teenage years as the peak of their life...if they are mentally healthy. Someday you could be sitting down with some people explaining how you had a weight issue as a kid and got over it through healthy means, and for better or worse nobody will care that much. Dont worry!

[Em0bxy]

but i feel like everyone cares... everybody at school has these skinny, unrealistic bodies, and I'm sitting over here, not even trying, but breaking. I'm working out more and trying to eat less, not nothing, but less. I've gotten to a point in my eating disorder where I want to eat NOTHING for like a week straight and see what happens. I've witnessed my friend almost fainting from not eating in a day, but that never happened to me. I only got really bad headaches, but I'm willing to risk headaches for a smaller body, I really am. I want the [COLOR=red"]edited[/color]and edited. I fit into now to be baggy on me. My mind is whirling with violent thoughts