Triggering (ED): Hard time

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I started hiding food from everyone after a family member almost passed away, I started out with a few pieces of candy and then everytime I felt depressed or upset I would grab more and more food, hide it and binge eat and now I can't stop doing this and I hate myself so much after. It feels like I'm never going to be okay. I can't tell anyone about this, it's too much and I don't want them to look at me different.[/size][/color][/font]

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this!

It seems like the near death of a loved one is what triggered this to start. If you ever want to process what you went through, feel free to reach out.

Hiding food to binge later is definitely a common symptom of eating disorders. Your family won't necessarily judge you for doing this, especially if you explain the reasoning behind it and how it is a symptom of something bigger, not greediness or gluttony.

Is there a way you can replace the behavior of hiding food with something else? For example, if you have the urge to binge or hide food, maybe you can try something else such as taking a walk, playing a distracting video game, or watching a movie in the living room where you aren't alone with the food you've stored.

You can even make a type of "kit" of coping mechanisms and things you can do when you are feeling depressed or upset. Some people put candles or room sprays in theirs, lotions, cards to play solitaire or other solo games, fidget toys to use your hands, stuffed animals, a cozy sweater, or similar objects in their kit.

Mindful eating might help. You eat slowly without rushing to eat the next bite or the next piece of food like candy. Chew your food thoroughly and notice the different flavors and sensations. It can help you notice the feeling of being full in a way you might ignore without mindful eating. Also ask yourself are you truly hungry, or is this a reaction to an unpleasant emotion?

[Proud90sKid]

I am sorry for your loss. You need to get this under control with a psychologist. I am more concerned about you developing a starvation-type eating disorder than obesity (which a lot of people are anyways!). That is often what happens with binge eaters who feel a lot of guilt: it can evolve into bulimia and letting that happen isn't the proper way of dealing with this. There are things that you can eat that will fill your stomach and satisfy a food craving for junk food but please don't start counting calories while you are feeling so guilty and depressed about your eating. That is psychologically unhealthy. As is dealing with negative emotions by eating excessively. It is definitely worth talking to someone about this as soon as you can so that you don't develop a more severe eating disorder and the myriad of problems that come with that. A combination of a dietician and a psychologist working together would probably be ideal in your situation. The dietician will help you reduce your intake while the psychologist will help ensure that you are maintaining a healthy relationship with that process, help deal with frustration and negative emotion that is likely to occur while you complete it, and help you learn to process grief in a healthier manner.

An addiction to food isn't as stigmatized as a drug or alcohol addiction. While I don't know anything about you, typically people will be more understanding than you think about such an issue. Even more so if you have a treatment or goal plan in mind that you can discuss. And probably doubly so on top of that if you had a trigger like grief.

Seeing a psychologist isn't that abnormal at all either (you may agree with this more when you call to make your initial appointment, but you eventually will get through to someone who can see you soon unless you are in the middle of nowhere-in which case you can do zoom appointments).You could very likely do it without anyone knowing what the issue is. For dietician, just say you want to get healthier and more fit with good eating habits while you are still young. Or say that either the psychologist or your doctor recommended the dietician. There: nothing disclosed. You can make it all not a lie too, because you are dealing with difficulty processing grief that a psychologist would help with and a psychologist would very likely recommend you to a dietician if you request it. So you'd have a valid and inconspicuous reason to see both.