I Have Urges To Start Purging With My Anorexia

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

Hey y'all, since my family has been forcing me to eat, I have been toying with th idea of finding another way of losing weight like purging the food that I eat because then I won't gain weight. I know it sounds stupid probably but, I can't help it. Especially where my Anorexia has come to a point where I'm obsessive about losing weight and starving myself. And I have been trying to stop it's just that I'm not strong enough to do it and I can't go to an intreatment program because I have only 2 and a half days left of school for this year and I can't miss any school because if I do, I'll fail 2 of my classes for sure. And even though my health is important, I can't miss school because I already missed at least a week and a half of school because of my Anorexia. I was getting treatent for the acid stomach I got from my stavation. I'm supposed to be expected to get an ulcer if I continue starving myself. And that still doesn'tstop me and I HATE myself for what I do. I just can't do it. Like I said before, my obsession with losing weight is too strong for me to keep under control by myself.

[ForeverAutumn*]

Alisha,

Another way of losing weight.. is to do it the healthy way, if you need to lose weight at all. You know that purging and starving isn't the best way to go, it's addicting and it can cause serious health risks like what's happened to your stomach. It's going to keep affecting you, physically and mentally, if you keep in this cycle and don't try to break it or if you don't try. Telling yourself you aren't strong enough to stop this, well, that's not going to make stopping any easier, you know? If you tell yourself that enough times, you'll begin to believe it and when that happens, fighting's just going to be near impossible. Tell yourself that you can do this. Build yourself up, instead of tearing yourself down. Write little notes to yourself and put them where you'll see them often - your locker, besides your bed, a mirror, etc. Put positive things about yourself and words to encourage yourself and keep you motivated. At the very least, doing this can really boost your morale and keep you going on those days you feel fighting isn't getting you anywhere.

If there are only a couple of school days left, can you go to a treatment center when school is finished? While getting help sooner is better than later, getting help later is better than not getting help at all. Seriously consider looking for an inpatient program once school is up or start looking into it now, sometimes there isn't always a spot available and there's a bit of a wait. Otherwise, think about an out-patient program at a treatment center. You might be able to go in the afternoons etc, work something out.

You know where to find me if you'd like to talk about anything, take care of yourself. <3

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

Hey y'all, I've decided to force myself to eat. Mostly because my mom's makin me eat at least a small plate of the homemade New York fries that she made. And anyways, I this is my only meal that I've had today. I ended up eating a tiny, tiny piece of cinnamon bun and a par of a large slurpee my friend and I shared. And guess what? I'm eating more than what I have to. I'm eating 2 plates of fod instead of 1 AND, I'm not going to purge no matter how much I want to because if I start now, I know I'll be hooked on it. So, I figure, why start right?

[Casey.]

Good for you Alisha! It's good to hear the you realized that you don't need to start purging, good for you. You are strong. Strong enough to get out of this cycle, you can do it.

The fact that you are eating more, that's great. Keep going. Baby steps. But you can do it. Two meals today, maybe two meals and a snack tomorrow... You made me smile, hearing that you are fighting this, it made me smile. Keep fighting.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

I'm going crazy! All I think about is the next way I'm going to loose weight fast. Or how much weight I want to loose. Or how any calories something has and whether or not I am able to eat it. Also every time I go online I'm obsessed with finding ways to loose weight or something like that. And I'm sick of it. I want to think about something else but my thoughts always drift over to loosing weight again. And then I feel bad about myself again. What do I do?

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

I've gone to 2 doctors and they refuse to help me with my Anorexia. I'm probably not skinny enough for them so they think I'm looking for attention. But, I'm not. In fact, I hate to have attention on me especially about this. Sometimes I wish that I didn't tell anyone about my eating disorder because nobody will help me it seems like until I get super skinny and I'll never know when that is because to me I'm always fat. Like the time when I lost xxxlbs everyone around me was saying how great I looked when I was thinking all the time "Where? I can't tell. in fact, I didn't even notice that I lost weight."
And now that I want help, nobody wants to help me even with the fat that I'll get an ulcer if I continue what I'm doing. They still don't care. They told my mom when I wasn't there to just make me eat or let me starve to death because they won't do nothing to help me. How pathetic is that?

[ForeverAutumn*]

Alisha,

Hmm.. what about blocking certain websites on your computer? So you can't access them? Websites to block would be those with unhealthy weight loss information, calorie numbers etc. Find ways to distract yourself when you start thinking about calorie numbers - think about a book, a movie, a song, count doubles in your head [2, 4, 8, 16, 32 etc].. anything that keeps your thoughts away from calorie numbers.

It's extremely, extremely unprofessional for those doctors to turn you away. You don't have to be severely underweight to have an eating disorder, and they never should have told you this. If they won't help, that doesn't mean to give up. You have to keep going, keep looking for help. Look into counseling, treatment centers, other doctors.. just don't give up. No matter how long it takes to find someone, you can't give up because giving up won't get you anywhere.

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn.

Alisha,

Hmm.. what about blocking certain websites on your computer? So you can't access them? Websites to block would be those with unhealthy weight loss information, calorie numbers etc. Find ways to distract yourself when you start thinking about calorie numbers - think about a book, a movie, a song, count doubles in your head [2, 4, 8, 16, 32 etc].. anything that keeps your thoughts away from calorie numbers.

It's extremely, extremely unprofessional for those doctors to turn you away. You don't have to be severely underweight to have an eating disorder, and they never should have told you this. If they won't help, that doesn't mean to give up. You have to keep going, keep looking for help. Look into counseling, treatment centers, other doctors.. just don't give up. No matter how long it takes to find someone, you can't give up because giving up won't get you anywhere.

You know what you're right. I can't give up because if I do, I'll just get worse and worse and worse. And that's not what I want.

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

I started my period on the 6th this month and instead of ending 7 days later(on the 12th) it basiclly ended on the 9th except for occasional spotting. Does that make my situation more dangerous or not? What I mean by that is, does that raise the priority level to get treatment?