Triggering: I want an eating disorder..?

[BlueEyesLifeLies]

I know this is absolutely disgusting but I can't help it. I feel for the longest time I've wanted an eating disorder.. maybe? I know how bad it is but I can't bring myself to eat and its working on losing weight. I don't know what to do..

I know how you feel, I used to want one too until I actually started developing one. Trust me, it's not something you want. Starving yourself is only going to slow your metabolism and make you gain weight anyway but if you do it enough, you will lose weight and get extremely sick. I mean, you could seriously die from this. My mom knows someone who died from anorexia which is why she was so worried about me when I started going down that path. You're very likely to end up in hospital because of this, one of my friends did and it hurts so much to see her obsessing over her weight when she's a mere edited at 17 years old.

If you want to lose weight, you need to eat healthy and exercise regularly. Note, that's regularly not excessively. You only need exercise 30 minutes per day maximum, three to five times per week. Eat when you're hungry, don't starve yourself but try not to eat just because you're bored or to overeat. In my experience, it's okay to treat yourself every now and again (I've done it and lost weight) but don't make a habit out of it. Eat more protein too, that's always good. But make sure your weight loss goal is healthy. Being underweight is more detrimental than being overweight, IMO. I'd rather be a little chubby than fighting for my life. And please, please stay away from pro-ana/pro-mia sites. I got trapped into their forums a while ago and they're awful people. They will feed you lies and constantly attack your self-esteem, trying to normalize diseases with cutesy names, telling you anorexia and bulimia are your "friends." But they're wrong. If you're dedicated to your diet and exercise, you will lose weight but it takes time. If you're already underweight, you need to stop and talk to someone (i.e. a counselor or parent). Breaking out of the cycle will be almost impossible on your own. I've tried it but I'm always overwhelmed by negative thoughts. You need someone supportive on your side.