Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Eating disorder relapse gained weight which is unhealthy and could be losing job

[bringmethehorizon♥]

Basically since last week I've gone insane and ate shit tons of shit I just felt so fucking hungry I've gained to much weight which isn't good because my bones all hurt now because I gained weight so fast and I have doctors notes to give to my work but I've only just started and they might Sack me because of my sickness I have doctor's evidence of this so they can see I'm not lying. I feel horrible I gained like [Edited.] in a matter of days I just had a massive binge out Im stick in the cycle of not eating for ages then eating shit tons ill probably not eat tomorrow now or the rest of October which I know isn't good I go to the doctors and stuff but they don't really help

I just don't want to lose my job I feel so worthless and on top of that one of my recovery friends is relapsing oh fuck my life lol

[Coffee.]

Hey Justin,

This is going to be long so bear with me but I want to make sure I cover a lot.

Are you seeing a psychologist/counselor/other mental health professional about your eating disorder? The way that you've framed your recovery, I think you are focused way too much on the physical recovery. Recovery is complex. First, there is the physiological, but there is also behavioral (are you still engaging in disordered eating behaviors), social (is this harming your socializing and social function), cognitive (are you still having ED thoughts) and overall body image and esteem. As of last week, you seem to have reached a phys state that is perceived as healthy by a doctor (which is amazing!) but you are still engaging in behaviors, are still having thoughts, and this is still highly impacting your life. I think you need to see a psychologist so that you can truly address the issues that you are facing.

Next, you need to get a treatment team that is aimed at disordered eating. Your doctor seems to be very focused on numbers, such as rigid weight requirements, calorie counting, etc. Generally, this is not recommended for eating disorders. A dietitian who specializes in disordered eating can give you a better meal plan that helps you learn how to listen to your body for hunger cues and learn how to eat like a healthy person again instead of being bogged down by calories. On that note, your binge episodes seem to be related to your hunger. Instead of binging, make sure you're eating enough throughout the day so that you don't feel the need to binge.

Last, get rid of your scale. Really. Do it. It's okay if you gain weight, and weight fluctuation is normal specifically when you are refeeding. By frequently weighing yourself, you're psyching yourself out and not letting yourself emotionally recover. Also, I doubt any body aches you are having are related to the weight gain. It's okay, you're okay.

Stay strong, we're all cheering you on! I know you want so much to recover, so I would really encourage you to get a care team aimed at your best interest!

Best,
Traci

[bringmethehorizon♥]

It's just so hard I have now lost complete hunger and my brain has decided to start starving again why is this I had a six pack before this massive brigne and I think I know what the aces are it's because I'm rapidly putting on weight and losing weight my bones can't cope I'm to I'll to work I've already left my dream job now I have a small part time job while I re coop and I could be losing that partly because the manager Doesnt like me