bulimia nervosa and self harm

[rosey1228]

I have been in hospital for over 2 years in which i found out i had bulimia nervosa, i have been tubed because i refused to eat and keep anything down. i have recently moved from an adolescent ward to an adult ward, and they do not understand me at all, i have no one who get the problem, there is no one else who suffers from this there, so they seem to lack understanding of it. i feel like a total faker because somedays i eat everything and others nothing. they dont let me throw up at all, and pace around they even have restrained me to stop me moving! latley i have put on loads of weight i weigh around [Edited] where i was [Edited]. ive been binging so much latley and havent been able to throw up or take laxatives, so i guess that why i have put weight on. but as a punishment i have been self harming to punish myself for eating too much and putting on weight. i just feel disgusting all the time, so fat and ugly. i can literally feel the fat on my body. im scared to not eat or i might get tubed, and im scared to eat i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant talk to anyone at the unit they just dont get it. how can i make this better and gain control i want to be thinner and skinnier i want to be [Edited]. help!

Hey there,

I think it's good that you are in a unit that helps you deal with these types of things because they will be able to help keep you safe. Have you talked to them about going to a treatment center that specializes in eating disorders? If they don't get your eating disorder it might help to go somewhere that does. I know that you said you can't talk to the people in your unit but it helps combat eating disorder urges if you have people who you can turn to for support and advice. So, I think you should try to start reaching out to the people in your unit. It might seem as though they don't understand but if you give them a chance you might end up finding someone who does. I was in numerous psychiatric hospitals and I met some people who were understanding and some people who were not. It just took some time to find the right people.

As for the self harm I suggest you look at the Alternatives to Self Harm. These will help you work on overcoming the urges that you might be getting. You have to realize that you do not deserve to be punished for eating. You need the nutrients to help keep your body going. I know your eating disorder is telling you otherwise but you need to remember that food is something that keeps you stabilized and nourished.

Something else that might help with the urges to self harm is journaling. When you feel the urge to punish yourself you can journal about it instead and that might help you vent about that feeling without harming yourself.

I really hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I agree with what .:BreakingBeautifully:. has said. It is a really good thing that you are in a unit that helps you onto the path of recovery. Have you tried talking to them about going to a treatment center that specializes in treating people with eating disorders? If not, I highly suggest that you do as it may help you out tremendously in the long run.

I know you mentioned that you don't like talking to people in your unit about your eating disorder, but why is that? Why do you not like talking to them about your eating disorder? Is it because you are afraid that they would not understand you? Won't believe you? Another reason I didn't list? I know talking to people about our problems can seem like a daunting task/thing to do, but it really isn't as daunting as it seems. Having a support system is extremely important for everyone. The support system is here to help us whenever we may need help or in trouble or anything.

Have you tried distracting yourself when you get these ED triggers? If not, I highly suggest that you do try to distract yourself whenever you feel yourself getting triggered. So, you should definitely check out the link of alternatives that .:BreakingBeautifully:. has provided for you.

I hope this helps you out some. Please stay strong and never give up hope.