Triggering (ED): Well, hello there, eating disorder.

[CrystalJade]

I've been doing so well... I thought I was doing better anyway.

Well, today is the end of that. I started a new job almost half a year ago and at this new job I have to listen to a girl complain about her weight every single day. This girl is the size of one of my thighs... She mentions her exact weight ALL THE TIME and brags about how she doesn't have any stretch marks (she had a baby but it was several months premature) and she thrives off the male attention she gets. I used to get a lot of male attention... But now it's few and far between. I've gained quite a bit of weight this past year... I went up a few pant sizes even.

I can't fit into any of my old clothes, I feel disgusting and fat, I have to listen to this girls b.s every single day, I no longer feel beautiful, and I have so many emotions pouring through... So, tonight I did it. I made myself throw up. Almost a year of not throwing up and I threw it away tonight. And... I. Felt. Powerful. And... Disgusting. Pathetic. Stupid. I also exercised like crazy tonight with a corset on.

I'm done feeling like crap but I know either way I'll feel like it. I would prefer to fit into my old clothes though while feeling like crap.

I'm sorry that you have to keep hearing this girl talk about her weight and everything. Maybe you can try talking to her and tell her she is triggering you and that it would be nice if she could stop.

Relapses are apart of recovery. We all have are bad days. So you slipped up and purged today and exercised like crazy. Tomorrow is a new day. Start fresh take it one day at a time. If you are worried that you are over weight go to a doctor or a nutritionest and they can help you loose weight the right way.

I'm sorry my advice isn't that good tonight. If you ever need to talk to someone that understands and is struggling just like you PM/VM me anytime.