How your bulimia started ?

[frison1313]

I guess some of you are bulimics here.
If it doesn't bother you, can you tell me how it started, what trigger you?
And how it evolves?
If you have bulimia, I really hope you're getting help and better
Stay strong and believe
Thank you

[Kindred]

I was never formally diagnosed as bulimic, but in the few months before I developed a restrictive eating disorder, I would purge. That started by me leaning over, and discovering that by clenching my muscles I could throw up the contents of my stomach. I then started chewing food, like chocolate, and spitting it out because I didn't want to have the calories. I had no idea at the time this was abnormal behavior, I actually thought myself innovative. Anyway, one day I forgot to spit the food out, and remembered I could make myself throw up with barely any effort, so I did that. Then started doing it more and more frequently.

[Fenzy]

My story is pretty similar to Laura's.
I would "mini binge", which for me was like 2 cookies or a small meal I couldn't weasel out of. I wanted to find a way to be able to eat supper without a fuss so my parents wouldn't suspect anything. I tried for months to throw up and couldn't for a while, then one day I just did it. And then oh boy did it become addicting. I started to eat JUST to throw up because I knew I could. I usually restricted though. Because I restricted, my cravings for crappy food got a billion times worse and sooo hard to control so I would eat crap then purge it.

My doctor explained it this way: My body was really underweight. And our bodies are preeetty smart. It knows that it needs to gain weight and it knows the fastest way to gain weight is through fat, sugar, and all that junk food. Hence the super cravings for that stuff. But when I started to eat better and more often, the cravings weren't as bad.

Anyways, after talking to my ED specialists and counselors, I am scared CRAPLESS of purging. I still think about it and sometimes try to do it.. but honestly after learning all of the stuff that it can do.. I am just so scared to do it.

So that's basically my story. Sorry for the essay but I hope I help somebody!

[Tigerlily.]

Well basically it evolved into Bulimia from an EDNOS. Basically I was trying to restrict and starve and was good for the most part but when I'd slip up, it'd ill me inside. I began abusing laxatives, but that came to an end because my parents began to get suspicious so then I had to turn to something else as a way to purge. I hated the idea of throwing up, and never could muster the courage to do it. Until one day at McDonald's I went into the bathroom and just tensed my stomach muscles in a desperate try and it worked. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and then I slowly got the courage to put my fingers down my throat instead and it just went from there really.

[owlcity:)]

Mine isn't exactly bulimia, I haven't been diagnosed.
More EDNOS. but I started really hating my body I started to restrict a lott and fast. Then goof up and binge. So it was kinda a cycle.. Then I stole some laxatives from the cupboard. and started that. but they kept disappearing and my Mom didn't know what was going on so one day I tried to puke and couldn't then I tried as hard as I could forcing my finger down. That's kinda how it started I guess.

[Kindred]

Quick note to you guys:

Eating after starving yourself is not "messing up", starving is not "good" or "succeeding", it's allowing yourself to be controlled by a mental illness. Eating is a perfectly normal thing everyone needs to do or else they'll die. So, y'know, remember that

I've always been a binger. Always. I can remember being as young as 7 and raiding cupboards looking for cookies and other things to binge on. But, it was never a great concern for me as I was a ball of energy and subsequently worked off all the calories I consumed. Being able to eat a lot of food and maintain my trim figure became a source of pride for me from a young age, due to the emphasis that my family put on it. They would often comment on my weight, saying how they envied it and wished they could eat that much and remain thin. I reveled in the attention.

I continued to binge until one day, when I was 13, I discovered that my binging was causing me to gain weight. I panicked and decided to join a gym and start eating right. I would go and work out, only to be unable to resist the urge to binge later. I was always highly impulsive and binging had just become part of my routine. But I was more scared of gaining weight. To deal with this in high school, I would try to restrict my food intake during the day, only to come home so famished that I would inevitably binge. As my weight fluctuated, the more and more hopeless I felt. I decided to make myself throw up as a way to "have my cake and eat it too." However, throwing up has never been my favorite thing in the world, and so I turned to laxatives. I abused laxatives all throughout high school and sometimes still have slip-ups, although I'm in recovery now.

It's a lot more complicated than that, of course, but that's basically how my bulimia developed.