Anorexia voices.

[Bibliophile]

I was diagnosed with anorexia a couple of years back. I've finally (barely) got myself up to a healthy weight. Only, now I'm here I feel SO disgusting. It's been an incredibly long time since my weight was this high and I really cannot handle it. I want to tear myself apart. I'm managing to eat although I've found myself returning to purging. The feeling of a 'full' stomach makes me furious at myself, it feels as though I'm a failure. I don't feel as though I'll ever be good enough.

I don't honestly know what to do, because I've gained this weight I'm scared to be honest with my counsellor about how badly I'm struggling as I should be better now. I don't think I can recover from this. In my head I'm undeserving of help, how do I even go about 'asking' for help when I feel like this?

[escape♥]

Hey there Hollie. Sorry to hear your struggling
I suggest trying to write a letter, I think you wouldn't be as anxious, it won't be as akward, and you can write what you want to say. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know you need help. So try and think about what to say for a few days, so it won't take long to write, that way the voices won't be as loud.
I hope I helped.
PM or VM me anytime you need anything or wanna talk. I'm always here for you. <3

[Coffee.]

Hey Holly,

First of all, you have been so strong throughout this whole process. Whether or not you realize, just because you have been slipping does not mean that you did not have process on the way there. Think of your feelings a couple of years back, and think about all you've succeeded at. You're been doing GREAT.

Second, eating disorders are complicated. It takes years to get as sick as eating disorders let us get, from the years of the thoughts, the dieting, the way the dieting gets out of control, and of course, the realization that you are at rock bottom. It does not take overnight to get back up to the top, and get healthy again, it is a process, and it's going to take longer than you may like. In two years, you're physically been able to regain a lot you have lost, but you still have work to do about accepting your body the way it is supposed to be.

Your counselor will know this is true, and know that it'll take longer to make you completely "better" and they will understand and give you ways to help you! Let them know exactly your feelings, exactly where the habits are going, and get the help you deserve. You've gotten this far, back up to a healthy weight, and you can be happy again!

Good luck!