Bulimia

[Max_99]

Well, I'm pretty sure I may be falling into an eating disorder: bulimia. I find myself obsessively watching my weight, looking at my body in the mirror or anywhere I can see the reflection. I eat regular or slightly larger meals, but then I feel horrible about myself; so then I fast and won't eat meals. I exercise to make sure I don't gain weight, often to a point that my body aches. I hate myself for my looks, particularly my weight.
Also, I've been having some odd side-effects. I'm constantly cold, shivering, depression and anxiety have increased, psychotic, mood swings, and my hair has gotten really thin on my head while my arm and leg hair has increased. I sweat a lot and get a lot of headaches, but medication just doesn't seem to help.

If anyone could tell me more and get me in the loop, help me understand if I may be falling into an eating disorder, please feel free I want this done before it gets serious.

[gymnastxxLeah]

Those side-effects aren't just side effects. It's you're body telling you to stop. I know you can't post weights on here, which is understandable... But do you know if you're underweight? Because I got all of those when I was VERY underweight... You're not getting enough nutrients.. Have you tried stopping? If you can, maybe try doing it on your own. If not, I would hope you have someone to talk to. Maybe get some help? It really does help. It makes you look at the eating disorder in ways you've never done so before.

[Max_99]

Well, I've looked at BMI (I've heard this isn't always accurate), and it says I'm normal. I'm not skinny or thin, but not overweight either.

Right now it's 70 degrees and HOT outside, most are in shorts and tank tops, but it feels like no matter what, I'm still cold. My hands, especially, have been so cold lately, like ice. I have on a sweatshirt, two tank tops under that, sweatpants, knee-high fuzzy socks, gloves, and a hoodie but I'm still so cold. That's been the biggest things I've noticed, along with the mood changes. But the other physical change was every time I brush my hair (which is thick) a ton falls out. I've been really worried about it.

I don't feel unhealthy or underweight, I don't feel like I'm not getting all the nutrients I need, I'm just seeing all this happen and wondering if it may be bulimia or another type of eating disorder. It's been affecting me since a young age, I've always had self-esteem issues, but the self hatred has increased a lot. I always feel guilty, upset, and angry at myself when I do eat, and then I feel like I have to intensely exercise constantly. It feels like I'm always analyzing myself, constantly, and that this may be getting slightly out of hand.

[Max_99]

Oh, and I've tried to get it under control. I try to make myself eat meals, even just small snacks, but I feel so horrible afterward. Once I feel horrible, I get self-harm urges. So then I go downstairs and I binge eat, force myself to do some sort of exercise, and then I get depressed, eat again, feel worse, and the cycle continues. It doesn't FEEL out of control, but eh, IDK.


Also, something I just noticed, my hands are an orange-brown tone, but they're getting kind of purple blotching and my fingers are dark with purple knuckles.

[Michy_Blackrose]

Bulimia, apart from the debilitating psychology behind the actions which are fuelled by thoughts or distorted views about your body, is characterised by binge episodes after not eating or severely restricting your diet, then 'purging', in a continuous circle. Youre clearly worried, and your body is showing signs of increasing malnutrition. Everything you describe is typical when your body is deprived of nutrition or not receiving the proper diet, losing body mass and experiencing hormonal imbalances.

[Michy_Blackrose]

I would strongly advise that you seek advice from a trusted source, such as a doctor or nutritionist. The good thing is that youve recognised some signs which are alerting you to the severity of the problem youre facing, the next step is to get more information on it and reach out to try and make things easier and improve them. You can get through it, i know how awful it must be because i have had problems with bulimic tendencies in the past and anorexia through substance abuse (not mentally). Here for you!

[Kindred]

Hey,

Just really to add on what everyone else has said

First of all, BMI charts aren't accurate. Everyone is different, and so the only way to find out if you're at an unhealthy weight is by visiting your doctor.

Speaking of, a doctor wouldn't be a bad idea. Cold hands are your body not having enough energy to warm them up, and also all your blood staying close to your vital organs in order to keep them alive. Hair on your arms and legs if your body attempting to keep itself warm, because you aren't giving it enough energy to keep them warm internally. All the other effects you're experiencing are common of eating disorders.

It's really important you speak to a doctor about this, before you fall any further down this path.Eating disorders are sheer hell, and you need to get out of this. It really isn't worth going to bed not knowing if you'll wake up, or whether your heart will just stop without warning. As for the self harm urges, I'm going to link you to the Alternatives thread. Pick a few, and try them out when you feel the urge to hurt yourself.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but I want you to know that I'm always here if you need anyone to speak to, okay? I know this is difficult, but I really believe you can beat this with help.

Laura