How many therapists did you meet before you found one that worked for you?

[Rika]

I see so many options in my town for therapy here, and I'm super glad for that. I have been looking out of curiosity mainly.

How many therapists did you meet with before you found the one who you felt connected with you? What should I and others look for in a therapist? I never have seen one as an adult, but did seen psychiatrists as a child who'd prescribe medications. I think, anyway. I was young and didn't pay attention much!

I hope this is an alright subject/topic to discuss and get some advice and support on. I've been meaning to make this topic.

[Starseeker]

I've had 5 therapists in the past. Now I go to the 6th one and I like working with her best. As for psychiatrists... Well, I do take medications, but I've been to 4 different psychiatrists over the years and none of them gave me the impression of truly caring about my health/what happens to me.

[Rika]

My parents felt that way too about them, Sue. As if none of them gave them the impression of truly caring about my health or even what happens to me. My parents took my school home interventionist to a psychiatrist I seen a lot then she suggested that they switch right away. Looking back now, I think she was actually a counselor too?

After that I only recall seeing one other, then a final one in high school or junior high. It was then my parents dropped the psychiatrist and medication completely. As I was a minor at the time, I honestly felt I was powerless to decide. I didn't really understand much back then as a child, let alone as a teenager. I just took the prescribed pills till my parents finally said "forget about it". That was back then. Nowadays being an adult I honestly feel more in control with my choices and treatment plan(s) with any health choices etc.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I've seen a lot of therapists in my life. The first one was in 8th grade and was a red flag, the second one was in 10th grade and she was only pediatric but retired anyway and I do miss her, the third one was also in 10th or 11th and she sucked and our insurance stopped covering the place, then another in 10th or 11th that was pretty good but through the school-based health center so I couldn't see her upon graduating high school, the fifth was in the college counselling center but was pretty meh. I only saw her because I wasn't able to go anywhere else. The sixth was a walking red flag. Then I met my seventh therapist, who I see currently! This is not counting clinicians in group therapy, IOP/DBT programs, or med providers. I've only had two med providers, one through the college counselling program and then the one that I have now, who is amazing (although she always runs late for meetings which I've been told is a little unethical. I deal tho.).
I think I connected with the ones I did based on the way they built rapport with me. Of course they wanted to know why I wanted to be in therapy and what I wanted to get out of it but they didn't make me dump my deepest, darkest secrets in the first session or anything like that. Their personalities seemed to click with mine as well. They told me like it is but weren't rude about it, and we were able to talk about good things sometimes too instead of just the bad things. They encouraged my safety and dealt with my willfulness pretty well.
I did notice some red flags with two of my old therapists. One I only saw for like two sessions and my mom yote her because she was useless, but the other one I had as an adult. Her response to my self harm was basically "don't do that," which...useful isn't it? She would go over with other patients and therefore run late getting to my session. I took Medicaid transport to see her, so I was on a strict time schedule and sometimes would only have half an hour sessions instead of a full hour because of it. She also answered texts from other patients in the middle of my session, which I get that they could be having issues too but it's my session now, please pay attention to me. She also ate cereal at least once when we went virtual. So, maybe go for someone who doesn't do those types of things.

[Kate*]

I'm on my 5th therapist total, 3 worked well and two didn't. The first one, it was my first time ever, I got assigned randomly and I just couldn't talk to him. I'm not sure why, but we literally just sat there and stared at each other. My second one worked pretty well for me, but she left the practice and the person she suggested was HORRIBLE. I lasted one session with her that I almost walked out of. I was with my most recent one off and on for about 3 years before Covid hit, and she retired. I just saw a new one yesterday, and I think she'll work fine. No glaring red flags at least, a couple of off-hand comments that missed the mark slightly, but nothing unforgivable. I think we clicked based on personality, and their lack of judgement. The conversation flowed naturally, I was able to vent to them and get my story out without being intimidated or afraid of what they would say.

[Rika]

I am happy to hear you found a therapist that worked out for you, Katie. I am hoping for the best and that you will continue to have success with therapy! I was looking for myself in the off chance I'd ever need it. I think it'd be nice to talk to a therapist about some subjects/topics which I'd need to label as CW/TW, so would probably need to do a new thread.

As for everyone else, you can come to me in PMs on Discord or TH to discuss any issues. I can try my best to help!

[hocus pocus]

This is over the span of 10+ years.

I saw two in my early teens, but I didn't work well with either one of them. I don't place blame entirely on them, but I was unaware of my issues at the time so they could not help me. One did say some unnecessary things to me, however. We moved shortly afterwards.

#3 has been best for me. I stayed with them for about 18 months before they relocated. I do virtual sessions which thankfully are more accepted now due to the pandemic, but they were not when we originally started them. #3 is long term due to my conditions and what they entail.

I wanted to keep someone in person as well, which is #4. I stayed with them for six or seven years because I didn't want to start again with someone else. During this time, I had met several other therapists in my area (3+) who couldn't take me as a client or who didn't fit. I live in a rural area with a shortage of therapists and medical professionals and an increase in them is very slow. #4 did not take an active role in my treatment. Conversations were very one sided and I needed more involvement than they could provide. It was the stereotypical armchair therapist kind of thing. I cancelled an appointment and did not return.

I currently see #5. This one works very well with me and there are a lot of overall positives - they are an active therapist with a similar belief/treatment system that I like. I find that important. However, it has recently come to light that #5 may not be able to handle the severity of my symptoms and I will likely begin my search again for an in-person therapist within the next few months. I am not yet sure how I want to proceed as I have been with #5 just shy of 18 months and starting yet again is daunting.

So I guess my answer would be 3, but I like to keep a second therapist, so I have an in-person connection as well.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I lied, I have had eight therapists. I forgot one. Guess she wasn't memorable.

[Moxie.]

If memory serves, I've seen 7 different therapists over the years. Part of that is due to the fact that I utilized the counseling center at the university that I attended and the majority of therapists there were working towards licensure. So, once they became licensed, they moved on to other opportunities. For the most part, my therapists have been pretty decent (some better than others), but I'll share a little bit more about the four that really stick out to me in case it helps someone else.

I'll start with the bad one so we can end on a good note. My 4th therapist was absolutely awful. I think I lasted about 2 months with her before I put in a request for a new therapist. I probably should have stopped seeing her sooner, but I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. At the time, I was stuck in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and was healing from a few other traumas. Because of all of that, I was in a place where I was having a really hard time trusting people and opening up to people, even therapists. The biggest red flag with her was the fact that she would talk over me anytime I was trying to share something. On top of that, she was extremely patronizing with the input that she gave and it often felt like she was talking down to me or judging me for some of the things that had happened in my life. Whether or not that was the case, getting that vibe from my therapist just...wasn't great.

My 5th and 7th therapists were both incredible. During my time with my 5th therapist, I really started to recognize what I needed in a therapist. She also broke down several of the walls that I had up because she was willing to shift her demeanor to fit my personality. For example, I'm a very sarcastic person by nature and I tend to talk about serious things with a very lighthearted tone. I'm not sure why, but that's how I cope. She adapted herself to that and would talk to me about things in a way that felt comfortable for me. My 7th therapist was very similar to that, although the way sessions looked was quite a bit different because we were working on EMDR, rather than talk therapy.

My 6th therapist though? She was easily the best therapist I've ever had and is the gold standard that I hold therapists to now. Of all the therapists that I've had, she was by far the one that I made the most progress with. We did have very similar personalities, which helped me feel comfortable with her quickly. She was also the one therapist I had that wouldn't put up with any of my nonsense. She gave me a lot of tough love, which was something that worked really well for me. She was also willing to try different avenues with me and often adapted her suggestions if I gave them a try and didn't work. The best thing about her was the way it felt like she actually wanted to find things that would be successful for ME, rather than expecting me to just find success with the first thing she thought of. Of all the therapists I've had, I made the most progress with her. If she hadn't moved, I honestly don't think I would have stopped seeing her.

[Dawn.]

When I was struggling with OCD and depression, I was extremely lucky to have my first one to have worked. I was assigned with a mental health nurse and a psychiatrist and they were both amazing.