Bipolar… possible trigger for death mention

[Temperance]

What are your red flags that mean you may need to go to the hospital with your bipolar?

I have people saying they see red flags and that they’re worried about me but I don’t see it. I’m insisting I’m fine because I’m not thinking I need more help, but when the crash hits I’m torn between wanting help and wishing either the bipolar or my chronic illness would just let me die.

Should I be listening to the people around me or is it a good time to ignore them and just do what I feel?

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I've never been to the hospital for my bipolar but I came close and basically had to convince my therapist that I didn't need to go, because we made the deal that I'd do IOP instead. I probably should have gone to the hospital but I'm thankful things worked out.

I've learned that sometimes people notice the red flags that things are getting bad before I do. I think the concerning thing you mentioned is the fact that you wish your chronic illness or your bipolar would just let you die. That is a sign that things are going downhill for sure and you may need an extra level of care, whether IOP, PHP, the hospital, or something else. Are you feeling suicidal or like you are going to harm yourself? Those are 100% signs to go to the hospital.

Did the people around you say what the red flags that they noticed are? It may be a good time to think about what they are saying and how it applies to you. I don't think they're lying to you when they say they worried or when they say they've noticed things. Sometimes denial hits us and we don't even realize that we're doing certain things or having certain thought patterns until someone points it out to us.

If you're having a hard time functioning to some degree it may be worth seeking some form of a higher level of care, again whether it's stepping up from just therapy first or going to the hospital.

I've found Bipolar Disorder responds very strongly to both internal and external stimuli. Depending on whether you are diagnosed with type I or type II, there are different things you might want to focus on more than the other, but with both bodily consistency is key: things like good nutrition, good sleep, and regular bodily movement can really help make sure your body is running as optimally as it can.

For me personally, it's a bit complicated because I also have another disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder that mimics Bipolar in many ways, but is a bit different. I usually end up in the hospital for things related more to that, but the times I have been in the hospital usually start when I get into patterns of isolation, avoidance, and either sleeping all the time or sleeping too little.

Eventually I'll potentially notice an increase in negative thoughts about myself and the state of my life that become hard to disengage from, eventually leading to intrusive thoughts of self-harm. I might also notice becoming more wound up, having speeding thoughts or racing thoughts, and being so exuberant it scares the loved ones around me. I'll stop wanting to sleep, because I am "enjoying" life too much to bother with it, which is always a mistake. For me these states usually become "mixed" and that's honestly the most dangerous time, because when they get bad enough there is the desire to hurt myself and also having the energy to do it.

That's my personal experience. Everyone is a little different, but I have noticed things like these are quite common for Bipolar people.

Hope this helps you. Remember, the hospital is a place to regulate and stay safe during a crisis. It's there to help you, even though I know many, many times I've personally hated going because I felt, internally, it was somehow a moral failure, but it's really not. Everyone needs help sometimes. People with physical illnesses sometimes need surgeries or hospitalization, and it's the same for people with mental illness. No shame in that.