Triggering: Intense anger and emotions

[WhisperingSilence]

I'm like really struggling with my anger and emotions at the moment more than normal. I've got BPD/EUPD and I know that can like make emotions more intense etc but its the fact that when it comes to my anger its intense and even after the angers gone I feel like really shitty and bad inside....I lost my temper badly today during a football match and basically like broke down crying and having a meltdown and temper tantrum, I also have autism and ADHD so Its like alot harder to control my emotions and anger, I have tried to, I've had some short term anger management therapy in the past but it never like got to the route of the problem just this counsellor/therapist like telling me to picture a happy scene, remove myself from the situation and breathe,... I am also finding my DBT emotional regulation skills are not helping like they should be, I've tried listening to podcasts by people who have had anger issues and overcame them, yet its like nothing works, and I dont know what to do.
Then there's all the intense emotions and mood swings... anyone got any different ways I can maybe get some control over my anger and emotions, I can currently feel myself dissociating and I dont know how to stop the dissociation either :/

[Rivière]

I admit, I'm not keen on having people tell me to 'picture a happy scene'. It comes across like they have zero clue as to what you're going through, and it shows. When I'm angry or feeling emotional, the last thing I can get my bran to do is picture some cheerful place. It simply doesn't work like that. At all. Not to mention, sometimes a person can't always easily remove themselves from a bad situation. That would be like telling me not to go to work because it's making me angry. I can't not go to work, I won't earn any money and pay for bills, food, water, everything important.

Anger needs an outlet and acknowledgement, not a distraction or avoidance. We all have different coping strategies to deal with anger, so maybe you can experiment and see what works for you. I know that you have football, but sometimes football isn't going to be enough because you have to physically interact with others and it can make it worse. You may need to have a punching bag for when you're at home and just let everything go on it. Or a client of mine, who has a hairband around her wrist for when she feels like she wants to self-harm, she'll twang and snap at the band. I use blue tac when I get agitated or need something to focus on.

It takes time to find a coping strategy that works, but start somewhere and start crossing off the number of things that do and don't work on a list.

[WhisperingSilence]

Yeah thats thing though, I've had DBT and have learned the emotional regulation skills etc but I am wondering how much of my anger is due to learned behaviours while growing up in a dysfunctional family etc and growing up around anger and violence, I do go to kickboxing,karate and boxing classes too... I could try the elastic band/hair tie for anger that might work like rather than exploding maybe I could twang the band? I know I need some sort of my help with my anger... maybe I could ask for some DBT looking at just the emotional regulation skills..... I mean like if I am at home my main outlet is the xbox and playing video games and just like blowing stuff up but I can't take the xbox to football etc, my coach understands that I do have anger issues and never tells me off for my outbursts and does like allow me to calm down etc and has checked on me today etc by messaging me on my phone etc to like check I am ok and am not feeling bad... so I replied that I am beating myself up over it but also made it clear that it wasn't just because of my outburst yesterday as such its something I always do when I get angry afterwards... its like an earthquake and the days after are like aftershocks of just bad feelings.... I also think because I its that time of the month as such that might be affecting things too like I get angry alot but I dont usually cry etc yesterday I was angry and emotional and like cried in front of my coaches and football team.