Got me worked up

[NeuroBeautiful]

I don't know why but during the last therapy session after I shared my art piece over video my therapist said something that got me really worked up after. As a way to ask me how sharing the art piece made me feel she worded it as "did it make you feel uncomfy? Was it cathartic? Was it neither...something else?" I got really upset at the word "uncomfy"

I also got upset at her when sometimes I come into video session, giggling because I'm nervous and she says "you're really smiley today".

And a 3rd thing is when in the beginning I was having a hard time opening up and then I started to talk more and the first few sessions that I was more verbal, she said "whewwww, we talked a lot today!"

Obviously these things are really minor which makes me feel embarrassed that it is even bothering me. It sounds like these are just phrases uses to communicate. I wish I didn't scrutinize her speech like that.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Violet,

I am so sorry about all of this that happened to you and I hope that you will be okay soon. When we are drawing something we are having fun doing this and when someone keeps asking us different questions about it, it is not a good feeling to have and it can make us feel upset. I'm sorry she made you feel like this. If you are going to show her another drawing, maybe try saying how you we're feeling when you we're drawing this or what you we're thinking about and maybe she will see it that way and not ask a lot of questions. Before she comes up to talk, try to take a few big deep breaths to help relax yourself or if you have a fidget spinner or something else with you like a notebook to draw in or a stuffed animal or anything else that can help calm you down so that you are not nervous. You can talk as much or as little as you need to and that's not very nice of her to say how much you are talking. Would you be able to try looking for a new person? I hope that you will be okay soon.

[Celyn]

I don't think it's minor if it's bothered you. I think sometimes we might think that the way that others communicate may give us an indication about how they perceive us.

For example, using the word 'uncomfy' is informal (as opposed to uncomfortable) and saying that you are 'really smiley' (when it was actually nervous laughter) and then the comment about you talking a lot (when you previously found it difficult to open up) could come across as perhaps a bit infantilising? It might not be meant that way...it might just be that your therapist is just trying to be friendly while misreading your communication, perhaps leading you to feel like you aren't being taken seriously?

How is the relationship with your therapist in general? It's nothing to be embarrassed about as it can help you to figure out why the things your therapist has said has bothered you and perhaps how you can either approach it differently (by thinking that maybe she doesn't realise how she is coming across) or talk with your therapist and let her know that these things are bothering you for her to be more mindful of what she says towards you.

Hope this helps a bit!

[Stacey]

I think your feelings are totally valid. Some of the things you mentioned like the use of "uncomfy" and "being really smiley" can come across as infantilizing as they are informal especially they are typically very formal in their comments to you.

It's possible as you previously had trouble opening up, that they are trying to be a bit more informal because they think it may help you feel more comfortable, but since it is doing the opposite, I'd recommend mentioning it to them. A good therapist is open to criticism and willing to change their approach to suit their clients and this is a common and normal part of therapy.

If your relationship with your therapist isn't what you'd like to be overall, then it may mean that they are just not the right fit for you, and if possible, you could seek out another therapist that may be a better fit for what you need.

[NeuroBeautiful]

Hi everyone,
Thank you for getting back to me. I think that for now I will stick with her. I think I can get over those minor comments as long as I continue to remind myself that she does not mean it as condescending.

I think that after being in therapy for as long as I have (9.5 years now) I just wanted to have a therapist that can figure me out without me having to tell her but the truth is 1x a week for 50 minutes and online and 8 months in so far, just isn't going to do that. It really does take time for someone to get to know me. That's just how it is. I did tell her last week that a particular thing was helpful and that I wouldn't outright lie about something like that. I said, "In Susan language saying 'I don't know' can sometimes mean I really do know but I am too uncomfortable to say it and I don't want to outright lie. But if I say something straight up, I am usually saying the truth" so I think I need to start translating a little more often to her.

[NeuroBeautiful]

this thread can be closed please.

[Celyn]

Thread closed as requested by the OP.

Feel free to PM me if you would like the thread to be re-opened.