Can't express anger

[ladoglover]

Therapists say its bad to not express your feelings and not good for mental health. But then they turn around and say you can not express anger because once someone shows anger they say its harassment or being rude when its not, ITS ANGER/frustration. The world is getting the same way. You have to talk all nice nice all the time even when your angry. So basically NO ONE lets you express anger because this world is getting so messed up that every one is saying its harassing or rude if some one is showing anger.

I am seriously crying over this. Like it really hurts me that I can not express my anger. It really hurt's that I am supposed to keep it in. It really hurt's that if someone hurts me I'm not allowed to show anger towards them. It just feels if I can't express my anger that the person gets away with hurting me and feels like I am silenced I am not heard. Also it just comes off as fake to me that as an adult we are expected to just walk around all happy and supposed to express anger in a happy nice way when that is not truly showing anger.

BUT THEN THE WORLD DOES NOT WANT US TO SHOW ANGER BUT WHAT ARE WE SUPPSOED TO DO, ANGER IS SUCH A STRONG EMOTION EXPECTING US TO KEEP IT IN IS IMPOSSIBLE THEREOFRE THE ONLY WAY WE CAN IS BE EXPRESSING IT IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAY BECASUE SAYING IT IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAY IS LESS LIKELY TO BE CALLED RUDE AND HARRASSEMENT.

THIS WORLD IS SO MESSED UP IT MAKES NO SENSE. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE IS SUPPOABLY WRONG COGNITIVE DISTORITION BUT ON THE OTHER HAND WE ARE ALSO NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW ANGER SO HOW THEY HELL DO YOU EXPECT us to show anger then if we can not express anger as anger and can not express anger passive aggressively. WHAT ARE WE TO DO?? YOU LEAVE US NO CHOICE TO CHOSE TO EXPRESS IT PASSIVE AGGRESIVELY BECAUSE EXPERESSING IT PASSIVELY AGGRESVIELY IS BETTER THAN NOT AT ALL.

I do not get this messed up world.

[ladoglover]

If a therapist or any one ever gets me to the point where I am extremely angry which is rare you have to EXTREMLY HURT me for me to be EXTREMLY ANGRY. Since I'm not allowed to express it because they cry wolf and say its harassment and rude therefore Ill have to hold in my anger which will be really hard and make me more angry that Ill have to hold it which means I seriously will have to c myself to express my anger and get it out because the therapist or person won't let me express anger and if I do I know I could get in trouble. Im being serious. Im not being manipulative

You really think me c myself when you extremely hurt me is better than expressing my anger to you? Like really?? Wow this world is so messed up. I know I can do other things to express anger like hit a pillow, tear up paper but that won't be enough when I AM EXTEMELY ANGRY. I think the only thing will help is c and taking a benzo to be sleepy instead of expressing my anger.

[Rivière]

Out of personal personal observation, I find that human beings are actually extremely hypocritical in nature, though much of the time we're actually very unaware of this. We ask people to tell us how they feel, and when they do, we end up not wanting to hear/read/talk about it.

Though TeenHelp is a teen support forum, like many other forums I have been affiliated with, it has a certain culture about it. While we're encouraged to express ourselves, there is a limit to how much we can and cannot express because we must remember that this forum is intended for support. Support comes in a variety of ways. We can vent our problems, we can make angry posts about things that have bothered us, we can use HelpLINK, Live Help, or PM members and/or staff for extra assistance. However, with all these methods of support, there is a way in which they should be written. Behind all those recipients is a human being on the other end.

While it's 100% ok to express anger, we must also remember that anger takes many forms. For example:

Expressing anger...

to someone about someone else.
about something to someone.
to someone about them.
about something/someone to yourself.

The ways in which the above expressions of anger have a direction. For example, last night I couldn't sleep because I felt anger over an old manager at work and the way he treated me. This morning I saw my mother and expressed anger to her about him. The dynamic in which anger was expressed, wasn't at her about the old manager, but to her.

When we express anger, whether it be written or verbally, the way in which it is expressed is often the most difficult part. Understanding how to express anger effectively, to get your point across whilst having others understand the direction of that anger is what people find most difficult.

To summarise, it's perfectly ok to express anger. There's no question about it. But it is the way it is expressed that may be your problem.

In the past, a lot of other members and staff have suggested that you start using the Blogs feature this site uses. I think it's a very good idea. Express your anger there. That's exactly what it's for! Again, it's perfectly ok to express anger, but keep in mind what direction you're aiming your anger at. If you're angry at somebody to someone else, think of the way you're being angry and what words you're using. Depending on the way you express and word anger, it can be construed as you being angry at them even if this genuinely isn't the case.

In the event you do feel angry or frustrated, you're more than welcome to leave me a VM or send me a PM. I can't promise I'll respond right away, but I always reply to messages the best I can.

[ladoglover]

Yeah I was talking about that how expressing anger in a nice way feels fake. Expressing anger in a nice way just feels fake to me and makes me feel like I'm not really expressing my anger.

I just have to work on it and hold in my anger because if you think about it expressing anger in a nice way is technically holding it in. Yes, displacement of anger can happen and is a cognitive distortion. Its a human thing that we all do. Letting some one know I'm not angry at you I'm just angry at this or stressed about this and not meaning to take it out on you.

Yes direction is important. Ill try. thanks

[Rivière]

You don't have to hold your anger in at all! There are many ways of channelling anger. Creating a Blog is a good way of channelling anger through writing, providing it meets the site's Code of Conduct. Additionally, there are more physical ways of channelling anger, such as taking up a martial art like boxing for example.

When I was a lot younger, I held on to quite a lot of anger. I wouldn't necessarily say I'd take it out on other people, though sometimes it was perceived as if I were because I'd rant and vent about my problems to people a lot. In many ways it was my way of channelling my anger onto something else. It just happened to be through other people. The issue with this, is that not everyone is capable or willing to accept having anger channelled through them. Knowing who and when to channel anger to is unfortunately a learned behaviour. Each person has their own limit of what is acceptable. Here on Teen Help, given a lot of people are going through a great deal of their own troubles, they may likely be quite sensitive to the idea of being used to channel anger and so dislike it.

To overcome the times when I'd channel my anger through people, I kept a very soft ball in my room. I'd slam it at the wall as hard as I could, because the act of throwing something with such a heavy force actually helped me channel my anger and gave me a lot of relief.

The way each person channels their anger is unique to the individual. It takes time to find a suitable way of channelling anger that's effective and provides a good sense of relief. And after a while, channelling anger can actually be a good thing, providing that anger is a healthy anger.

It's 100% normal to feel angry and want to channel it somewhere, but again, how that anger is channelled is important to.

[ladoglover]

lol cut peoples profile picture out when I'm mad at them and put it on a ball and say your making me mad. I'm going to through you like a ball against the wall. That could work.

[DeletedAccount53]

If I feel angry, which is rare, I wouldn't want to express it, but rather to dissipate it. I'd work out in our home gym. Though last time I crescent-kicked the punch-ball, it got trashed!

Expressing anger can be healthy. Just run up and down the stairs 100 times; you'll feel you'll have really achieved something.

To contain anger could be dangerous. That's why, IMO, it's wise getting rid of it.

[ladoglover]

Good idea. Yes, it is best to not hold it in, I agree