Hi,
I hope that today you are doing better. Now that it has been about a day later and maybe you are doing better, I am wondering if you can make an observation between your original post and the comment you made after.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladoglover
I bet your all having a fun time in chat without me  I bet your all happy I'm not in chat.
Hurts you all care in chat but it's fake because once some one is baned from the chat you shun them stop speaking to them, don't check up on them and don't care how they are.
I have visitor messaged people and no replies from some of you. I get it because I take sometimes a week to get back to people. It's been like 2 to 4 weeks.
I know your all happy I'm not in chat. IT HURTS AND NOT FAIR you all get to chat and I do not. No one cares how I am. If you add me as your friend on discord we can private message on discord.
Mental health might be okay or may not. |
You are clearly in a lot of pain, no doubt. If you take the fact that it was you who had written this out of the post and looked at it as if a stranger wrote this, what would be your impression?
I personally think it is demanding, harsh, accusatory. It turns people away
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladoglover
Hi everyone. Good morning. What's every one doing in chat? Any good recipes for Christmas?
|
And this, is like a complete switch. You start with greeting, a good morning. Polite and respectful. Asking for recipes. Appropriately socially engaging.
I am pointing this out because I do understand. You must be feeling so frustrated and rejected and like you mentioned hurt. This is your way of asking for help. This is your begging for someone to care. People beg when they're so deprived and my heart goes out to you. It really does. And
yet, this is not appropriate at all. It is simply not. I can see where you are coming from AND I am not going to enable this behavior.
You see, if I were to reply to this in a way that you hoped for, it may be satisfying in the moment but ultimately it won't do you any good. Because next time you feel your needs are not being met, how do you think you are going to ask for something?
You may not realize how your words come across as demanding. It sounds really demanding and that is enough to turn people who care away from you. That is not fair to them and not even fair to yourself. In continuing this behavior you are unfortunately turning people away. But it also sounds like this is a habit for you and understandably, we repeat what is familiar to us even when it does not get the desired results. Maybe it gets some results. Like last time, you might've gotten some satisfying answers.
I would say increase what you wrote in the comment and decrease what you wrote in the original post. I am telling you this from a deeply compassionate place. I am letting you know what works and what doesn't because I care and because I understand what it is like to struggle with feeling abandoned and loneliness and unsupported.
No one is
*obligated* to reply to you. Keeping this in mind might save you some disappointment in the future.
I have been on this site for almost a decade. I have seen patterns of this from various members. The community usually responds similarly each time. People do not like it. I personally do not like being spoken to this way. Ironically, I do not think you would like someone else speaking to you this way either. You mentioned in another post that you are studying clinical mental health counseling. Try using that perspective. I do that all the time, using my educator brain which is similar to "wise mind" in DBT.
And like the inner educator in me would say, let's try again. Let's try rephrasing the original post. Give yourself an opportunity to learn from this and do better!
I can even give you a hint by bolding what I think needs especially rephrasing
I bet your all having a fun time in chat without me
I bet your all happy I'm not in chat.
Hurts
you all care in chat but it's fake because once some one is baned from the chat
you shun them stop speaking to them, don't check up on them and don't care how they are.
I have visitor messaged people and no replies from some of you. I get it because I take sometimes a week to get back to people. It's been like 2 to 4 weeks.
I know your all happy I'm not in chat. IT HURTS AND NOT FAIR you all get to chat and I do not.
No one cares how I am. If you add me as your friend on discord we can private message on discord.
Mental health might be okay or may not.
P.S: I do not know how you are going to react to this and it may be upsetting to you to be given negative feedback. However, this is my way of not ignoring you and also not enabling this behavior. I want to let you know that I care while also showing you a better way. It is like if you had something stuck between your teeth, you would want your friend to tell you. You wouldn't want your friend to ignore you and you also wouldn't want a friend pretend that there is nothing there. You would want a friend to tell you honestly and kindly the truth. This is my attempt to do so.
My hope is that you can take what I said swiftly and with ease rather than shame! I know it is easy to feel attacked or embarrassed. This is my sincere desire for you to get the most support from this community as you can.
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