OCD and handwashing

I've struggled with some form of OCD most of my life. The first type had to do with preoccupation with germs and hand washing. I was young at the time, maybe ten, and would wash my hands until they were cracked and bleeding. The fear was I would touch something contaminated and I would get sick or die if I didn't wash my hands thoroughly. It eventually got better but I still wash my hands WAY more than a normal person.

In the last few months this type of OCD has come back and I am washing my hands too frequently again. My therapist asked why and I told her I don't know but I do. My life is finally coming together all nicely, primarily because I'm transitioning, but also just because things are better than they have been in years. I am TERRIFIED I am going to get sick and die before I can transition as much as I want to/before I can live openly as myself. Maybe that's silly, I don't know, but it's a big fear of mine and it's one I don't feel like I can tell people.

Over the years I have never been able to find a way to combat the thoughts that surround my OCD and hand washing. It seems to just come and go, much like my other OCD. My hands are starting to get dry again though and it's only a matter of time before they start cracking. I do use lotion regularly and while it does help somewhat it doesn't really do enough to keep from dryness. Does anyone have any solutions as to help me deal with this?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. When we are younger we see something that makes us want to do something or we feel the need to do this. Washing your hands is good because we have clean hands to eat something or to touch something that we have like sunglasses or ect. When we wash our hands too much and they are hurting us, that is when we have to see how we can help ourselves and I am sorry that you are going through this.

When you wash your hands, try to go so long before you do this again. If you have been eating or touching something at the grocery store, wash your hands but have a while go by before you do this again. I know that it can be hard to go so long before you are washing your hands again, try to get your mind off of this for a while so you are not thinking about it so much. Try reading a book or drawing or putting on a funny movie or TV show or something else that you enjoy doing. Sometimes it helps to keep your hands busy by writing or playing a game, then you are not thinking about washing your hands so much. Try to get some lotion for your hands so that they will not hurt so much. I hope you will be okay soon and sending you Hugs to help.

[Mallika]

Hi Eli,

Thanks for reaching out regarding this. As someone who has lived with intrusive thoughts OCD, occurring on and off, right from when I was 15, I can definitely give you some pointers.

OCD comes in different types. One kind is the kind associated with a fear of germs and contamination, intertwined with a ritualistic behaviour such as washing hands continuously to avert that fear (seems like what you have). Another kind is the uncontrollable influx of really disturbing thoughts that give the sufferer very strange anxiety, though the sufferer doesn't have a compulsive behaviour to "combat" those thoughts, and in fact can lead a decent, even successful life, but live with having to battle this internal debilitating turmoil day in and out (what I have). There are more types of OCD too, such as those associated with an intense obsession with scruples and religiosity, etc.

Regardless of the type of OCD we experience, the way we deal with them is pretty similar. The first thing is to recognise is that we are not our OCD. Our OCD tendencies and thoughts don't define us. They really don't. I think of it this way - OCD makes us do or feel certain things. It likes to make us its victim. So the best way to counter it is in not doing those things it wants us to do. This is easier said than done, of course, and requires some perseverance.

Let me give you an example. Your OCD is telling you that you might get a severe infectious disease if you don't wash your hands 5-10 times after using the bathroom. It is natural for us, as people with OCD, to "listen" to that thought and do what it is telling us to do i.e. wash hands 5-10 times after using the bathroom. Now, what we don't realise is that in doing so, we are letting the OCD take charge of our life. But really, we have to now take OCD in our hands. So, everytime you get this thought, tell yourself, "It's my OCD that's telling me to do that. I'm not listening to my OCD. I'm just gonna wash my hands once." And just wash your hands once and walk away. You'll feel an intense level of anxiety for not having listened to your OCD, but that is EXACTLY what we want to do if we want to overcome our OCD. The anxiety will peak and eventually wear off. Over a period of time, you'll notice that you're no longer bothered by the OCD thoughts and they will subside eventually. Essentially, you are not allowing yourself to become a puppet of your OCD, which is incredibly liberating. This is called Response & Escape Prevention (ERP) and is usually done in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I discovered ERP in 2014, a year after having had my first intrusive thoughts, and whatever I learned about ERP have helped me tremendously over the years in keeping a balance despite my OCD. Now, OCD doesn't really bother me that much anymore. You might want to look up ERP self-help guides or meet a therapist that specialises in ERP/CBT to overcome OCD. I'm attaching a PDF of the ERP/CBT self-help book that helped me back in 2014 here, as well as a few other useful links:
https://sunnybrook.ca/uploads/1/depa...guide-2015.pdf
https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/ex...-directed-erp/
https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.papsy.org/...py_for_OCD.pdf
https://www.get.gg/docs/OCDselfhelp.pdf

Another thing I have learned recently is that many mental health conditions have a biochemical basis. What I mean by this is that we have some excess or deficiency in a certain biological molecule in our body that is causing our mental disorders. It sounds uncanny, but the more I read about this, the more it makes sense. In fact, there are so many recovery stories of patients who have followed this sort of treatment. For example, it has been well-documented that vitamin D deficiency plays a big role in depression. I recently learned that having high levels of histamine can be responsible for the kind of OCD I have and now I'm trying to find ways to decrease my histamine levels (e.g. by having more vitamin C in my diet). You might want to look into this. Pfeiffer Medical Center and Walsh Research Institute have specialised in this sort of psychiatric treatment for decades and you might want to get in touch with them. They treat a variety of mental disorders, not just OCD. There are people who had gone everywhere and got all sorts of treatment (pills, therapy, etc.), all of which didn't help, until they chanced upon these specialists and had their mental disorders vanish in no time. Sounds too good to be true, right? I couldn't believe it myself. So it's definitely worth reaching out to them and see if they can help. After all, you've tried everything. It doesn't hurt to reach out further:
http://www.hriptc.org/content/about.php
https://www.walshinstitute.org

I really wish you the very best. OCD might annoy the hell out of us and try to crush us, but something that instills anxiety and fear (i.e. OCD) can never be the winner. I'm also really happy to know that you're in a much better place now overall, and so it is definitely possible to overcome this. You can do this!