outgrowing my therapist, help!!

[NeuroBeautiful]

I am sometimes confused whether I have Complex, Chronic or Acute PTSD, or perhaps a hybrid of all 3 interlayed. I've been watching videos on YouTube this morning on how to heal from ptsd. There were 2 main sides, one says talking in a safe trusting space about the traumatic event and making sense of and honoring your story abd then integrating it in a way that feels right whwther writing a memoir or going into a helping profession or starting a group etc is how one heals. This resonates strongly with me. Though I'm not at the final stage of integrating it, I noticed my self trying to make sense of things. Anyway, the other side says talking retraumatizing, and because the body keeps the score (often a reference to the book) that EMDR, yoga, meditation, and reiki are better options. In my experience, art making is acceptable in the minds of these professionals as long as it is treated as a hobby or it does not get too heavy.

My therapist who is supposedly a trauma therapist often pushes for the latter. I am expressive and write and make art without prompting. She doesn't discourage me from art making or writing but she doesn't know how to nurture it in the way I need nor does she make space for processing memories if I need it. We have done internal family system/Part work but only twice out of a year and a half long working with her, we semi touched on memory through Parts work. But even then both were not continued even though I emailed her asking to please not give up on me just because I had a strong reaction.

I WANT to process through expressing. I need guidance and writing or art prompts that help me reflect. Instead she gives me prompts to imagine I'm a creature in the sky/water/earth or something imaginative and I'm sure can be fun but not at all what I'm looking for.

I'm often told I put too much pressure on myself and I'm questioned why wanting to work on something is important to me. I told her I am trying to get to the next step in recovery and she her response is "who said recovery has steps?" This makes me feel she isn't equipped to help me because she can't see the end and I can't either so I need her to help me see the future.

Similarly, I tell her about my emotional deregulation, uncontrollable crying spells, shaking, panic, poor sleep. Her response is to focus on the fact that I managed to self soothe. She asks how I felt after and I tell her alone and isolated because there was no one there to talk to. She disregards that part and says good job to the self soothing part. I again try to make known that I can barely hang on any longer. I tell ger there are 2 forces. One is to go go go and function and the other is caught up in heavy dark and deep pain. She rambles about pain and functioning coexisting then apologizes for rambling.

I am frustrated. I am tired. I don't know what my next step is. Besides looking for a new therapist yet again. What if I outgrow every therapist before them being able to help me?

[hocus pocus]

Hi Violet,

It seems like your therapist isn't very attentive to your needs as opposed to you outgrowing her. You said you've tried talking to her, but maybe you can try again, except more specifically this time? For instance, when she asked "who said recovery has steps" you could mention that, for you, recovery has steps, even if it is seen differently for others. You can even tell her what you said here (or print your writing for her to read) : that you're not sure if she can help you because she cannot see an endpoint.

You might be able to let her know that you want to process through expressing, and you could benefit from some different prompts than the ones she has been giving you. You can write down a list of your needs and then make them known to her before looking for another therapist. If you don't feel much improvement after making sure your needs are known, you could always reassess and start looking for someone else.

A search for a new therapist can be a challenge, so it might help to talk to this one a little more before moving on. Keep me updated.

[NeuroBeautiful]

Thank you so much, this was helpful. I have been told by a couple of people that it sounds like it is best to give it one more shot before deciding to change therapists. Someone suggested I let her know what's going on for me and then ask her what she thinks about inviting her supervisor to weigh in on it (this suggestion evolved from another suggestion of speaking to her supervisor directly bit I felt this was too invasive and going behind her back sort of thing) I am going to include what you suggested as well. I hope this time I will get the clarity I need. Thank you again!

[ladoglover]

I was taught that recovery is a life long process so maybe thats what she meant by there are no steps.

[ladoglover]

I was taught that a therapist should point out the positives to the client and not dwell on the negatives. So when she said great job for self soothing she was trying to focus on what you did positive therefore she was not dismissing your feelings or not acknowledge them by saying that. What did you want to the therapist to do, dwell on the negative that yeah your sad that sucks? The therapists job is to help the client get better and one way of doing that is getting the client out of that negative loop they have by pointing out the positives. So then the client can be like oh you know what things are not black and white. I may feel horrible but there can still be some good at the same time . Like I was able to self soothe even though I felt really depressed. I do agree thought that the counselor needs to first acknowledge the clients feelings first then point out the positives.

[NeuroBeautiful]

Originally Posted by ladoglover

I was taught that recovery is a life long process so maybe thats what she meant by there are no steps.

Originally Posted by ladoglover

I was taught that a therapist should point out the positives to the client and not dwell on the negatives. So when she said great job for self soothing she was trying to focus on what you did positive therefore she was not dismissing your feelings or not acknowledge them by saying that. What did you want to the therapist to do, dwell on the negative that yeah your sad that sucks? The therapists job is to help the client get better and one way of doing that is getting the client out of that negative loop they have by pointing out the positives. So then the client can be like oh you know what things are not black and white. I may feel horrible but there can still be some good at the same time . Like I was able to self soothe even though I felt really depressed. I do agree thought that the counselor needs to first acknowledge the clients feelings first then point out the positives.

I appreciate the reply to my post. It happens to be that it is not really accurate to my situation. In general, it would be wise to not comment on someone else's post by telling them that their feelings were not being dismissed. This post is *about* my feelings being dismissed so I am not asking you whether you think my feelings were being dismissed or not. It is simply not a question.

It is fine now. It is over. I don't see this therapist anymore. It wasn't working anymore, I was not feeling like the sessions were helping me and I moved on.

This thread can be closed please.

[ladoglover]

I was just trying to help you see that the therapist was not intentionally dismissing your feelings or therefore not at all and she was actually using the techniques she was taught to use. I am sorry you did not like those techniques she used. But its pretty common for therapists to point out the positives to a client as there not going to let a client dwell on the negative.

I hope you feel better. I am sorry to hear it did not work out. Its stressful and annoying having to keep switching therapist and to have to start over a lot. I have been through that its no fun. You are strong. Keep advocating for yourself and what you need. Take care

Closing at the OP's request.