Just got a positive pregnancy test after rape... to keep or not keep? How did you decide?

[myfirstnightmare11]

I'm 14. My parents have gotten into some trouble. I for one have been in the United States only 2 years. My dad and my mom are separating. My dad has been struggling with addiction issues. My mom is struggling to work and keep up with the bare minimum bills. I have literally nothing without her. I'm scared she'll say I have to abort. I don't want that. I can't abort. It's against everything I believe... I had a guy I liked from school who is 16. I flirted with him. I thought he was a nice guy I learned otherwise quickly. Well I was at a party with him that he had and he and his friends got me alone and raped me now I'm almost 4 weeks pregnant and scared to tell my mom. I did go to the police and she and dad will know it's from the rape. I am very pro-life and am a devout catholic I would never have an abortion. But I think of adoption and I think isn't it wrong to abandon family. But I don't think I can be a good mom I mentally am having a hard time dealing with the rape alone. I don't think I can have a child right now. How did you decide to parent oppose to adoption? Or vice versa? How did you plan out you'd be a good parent??

[Moxie.]

First of all, I'm sorry that you've had to go through something so traumatic. I've never been faced with such a difficult decision, but I hope I can still offer you some insight. Even though it's tough to think about giving your baby up, you need to think about what will be best for the child in the long run. If you don't think you'll be able to support the baby, it's probably in the best interest of the both of you to put it up for adoption.

There are a few different routes you can take if you do make the decision to put the child up for adoption. If you choose an open adoption, you will be able to have contact with the adoptive parents before and after the child is born. Depending on the attitudes of the adoptive family, you may also be able to see your child from time to time as it grows up. If you choose a closed adoption, you will not have any contact of the child after they have been adopted. Finally, if you choose a semi-open adoption, you will be able to speak to the adoptive parents before the birth of the baby, but contact will be cut off after the baby is adopted. Take a look at this link if you want more information.

Finally, I just want to suggest that you talk this over with your parents. This isn't going to be an easy decision and you shouldn't try to tackle it alone. I'm sure your parents will be supportive of your decision, so include them in the process. They'll be able to help you see the pros and cons of adoption or keeping the baby. Hopefully, they'll also be able to help lead you to the best choice for your life.

Good luck. I hope this helped.

[escape_thereal_world]

Adding to what Sammi has said, if you go with open adoption, you must keep in mind you have no say at all in what happens with your child. You have no legal status of the child. And if you want to see the child for their birthday and the adoptive parents say no, you almost never will win the case. So, you relinquish all rights, even if it is an open adoption.

Now, if you get good adoptive parents, then no worries. One thing to do is see if they wouldn't mind you meeting every few weeks with them for lunch to get to know them before the baby is born. Sometimes open adoptive parents love to have the birth parent(s) around.

Anyways, you don't have to get an abortion if you do not want to. Despite it being unpleasant with your mother, she can no make you have an abortion. Also, if your mother threatens to kick you out (not sure how your mother is, so I am just providing this) she can get in legal trouble. If you are under 18, your parents cannot legally kick you out of the house.

And I do suggest going to Planned Parenthood. They have them all over the US. Mosto f their services are extremely cheap or free. They can provide counseling to you about how to deal with the rape, as well as give you some other resources for help, and help you with your decision on keeping the child, aborting, or giving the child up for adoption.

[Coffee.]

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. You are VERY strong, you can do this!

You have the right to make that decision, not society, not your parents. Abortion is an OPTION, but it's not the option you have to take. Please, I really recommend you speak to a counselor about what is going on, for one, about the rape that has happened, and for two, to help you further this decision making. Maybe this can be a counselor with your church, if your faith would help you as well. Planned Parenthood is also a great option for rape/pregnancy counseling, they are a wonderful foundation, and although they offer abortion services they will not force you or make you feel pressured to get one, they are AMAZING. There are many options, such as adoption, along with raising this child. If this person raped you, obviously they are unfit to be a father, but he's going to need to know. This can be discussed further down the road. For right now, I would find a way to talk to your parents, tell them about the rape, and firmly let them know that you are not aborting.

Good luck, I'm here if you need to talk.