Female Advice Preferred: Embarrasing!, incest, rape?, emotional abuse, panic attacks, do i need help?

[AlmostHeaven]

Im not sure what to do at all! All weekend iv been having these panic attacks about WHAT HAPPENED that night. It was valintines day 2010, thts probably the most fucked up part about it, i mean valintines day?! Of all days! Why? alright well i probably had a little too much to drink! the thing i i know my limits when im with my friends. I have an extremely low tolerence and my friends find it extremely funny. But to keep it fun and not potentialy dangerous or unhealthy, we all have a "cap" of how much we can drink. My cap is 4 shots/beers. So that way im drunk but not to the point where i cant control myself im just really crazy. So i was with my couzin and no one els was home. We decided it would be cool to steal a little of my aunts alcohol so we did. Well in about 15 mins i had already downed 8 shots. he prob had about 6/7 but im sure he has a higher tolorence then me. Aright so i went intto the bedroom with him where he started to feel me up i even took off my bra for him and his hands made his way into my pants. Sure i never consented to anything but i let it happen! And i HATE mysel for it! Because of what happened my SI has gotton so much worse and there is no way to explain the new scars to my mom! And my ED is triggered everyday and im starting to scare myself. I have panic attacks all the time now and am unsure what to do. I feel like its my fault and i kind of want to kill myself. I feel like i cant tell anybody either b/c its far too embarassing. the worst part is to me that i LET IT HAPPEN! I feel like i need to kill myself in order to forget about it. But i cant do that because... i just cant it would be extremely selfish. Is there a way out of all this fucking giult? Beacause i cant take it anymore...

[TheLittleNinja]

Hey There.

Firstly - note that Even if you say "yes" to sex, if you were drunk while you said it, it is not consent, because you aren't capable of making responsible decisions at that time. I'm pretty sure the same rules would apply for sexual assult or molesting too.

Being drunk often makes people make irrational decisions that they wouldn't normally agree to, it also makes people act more carefree. Obviously, by you taking off your bra, the guy may have took that as you 'accepting' you wanted to have that sort of 'fun'. However, because you were under the influence of alcohol, he did actually take advantage of you.

I'm really sorry that this had to happen to you, and I know the way you feel right now, but you will move on and you will grow stronger from this experience. However, you should get someone/people to support you through this. Your mum wouldn't blame you for what happened, she would do her best to help you over come this. Have you got a therapist you could talk to - they are professionally trained to deal with this tyoe of situation and are friendly and comforting too

You could even talk to a school teacher that you trust, or the school councillor. Do you have anyother female adults that you trust? During this time you really do need to speak to someone about this, as they can help you come to terms with things and to move on.

Make sure you take a look at the resources that can be found on this website; http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...use-resources/

I'm not enitierly sure which country you are from, but these links may also be of interest to you:

http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/...xualabuse.aspx

Also, try useing Google to find support groups in your local area for teenagers

I hope this helps - but definitly talk to your mum if you can I'm always happy to talk too - but your Mum is a must really

Take Care,
Claire x

[AlmostHeaven]

i would talk to my mom but i feel i cant b/c its my cuz! i do have a therapist though but i really cant tell her who and when :P it would be easy to find out

[TheLittleNinja]

Originally Posted by AlmostHeaven

i would talk to my mom but i feel i cant b/c its my cuz! i do have a therapist though but i really cant tell her who and when :P it would be easy to find out

Your mum shouldnt really care that it was your cousin - she wuould understand that you were both drunk. Also, you don't have to give names or details to your therapist - just say the guy was in the family if you want to.

[lostandalone]

Hi Rachel,
Claire cover much of what I was going to say.

I just want to say it was not your fault, he took advantage of the situation. It is unfortunate (and unfair)that the victum of this is the one left to deal with the embarrassment and humiliation. BUT.... you have to understand you need support, it is impossible to deal with it alone..please use Claire's suggestions to deal with that. ( I do know how hard that will be, as I had to deal with it at the time of my attack and again now with the trial)

My counsilor and therapist helped too much to tell, and the support of my mum and my dad ( even tho they are divorced) Please find some support.

You can pm me anytime!

Erika

[**Theresa**]

well

i know it has been said but you need to fine someone you can talk to.

i know how you feel and there is no reason why you should have to feel like this without getting anyhelp

As for the sh i know it can trigger it because you feel like you can talk to anyone but i think you need to because your sh can get out of hand if you dont

Please stay safe pm me if you ever need anything

Theresa

[AlmostHeaven]

thnx guys.... i just dont want to tear my family apart... i dont want to be the one to ruin everything we have! its wierd and i just dont want to have to tell who

[FlyingTrue]

I know it hurts that you were forced into this situation. But, you should try not to make yourself feel guilty about tearing your family apart by reporting what happened to you. You were not at fault, the cousin was for taking advantage of you. It is his action that would be the cause of this. What he did was wrong and he needs to be punished through the legal system.

Part of what you are going through is that you are trying to keep this to yourself, it is a painful internal torment. Once you let it out, some of this should stop, it will be a great reprieve to you. Tell your parents, they will be there for you, not against you. Personally if you don't feel comfortable telling them, I would suggest going to law enforcement and pressing charges. Let them tell your family what happened. Going to police would make you feel a lot better because you know that he will be held responsible for what he did.

Best wishes.