Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Dreams about a rape that may or may not have occured.

[Imaginary]

I've been having dreams about my father raping me. The fuckhead also have the gall to insult me while he was doing it, which is pretty much the only thing I care to really think about right now.

Anyway, my father had abused me on one other occation that I remember (he showed me porn, and then I don't remember much apart from a few minutes of it). I think he may have molested me, that useless prick. He actually thought that he had the right to touch ANYONE, let alone me. I oughta' kick his dick off. I think the following might be related to the abuse, but when I get stressed or upset, I forget things. I've been trying to improve my memory, so this is why the dreams might be showing up now.

Sorry if this is a little disjointed; I'm not feeling very good because of this cockface.

I've always ALWAYS had a fear of being raped, especially anally raped, and from a very young age I had quite a bit of knowledge about sex, even though I don't think I ever had "The Talk". In addition, whenever I think about sex, my mind imediately turns to men raping, even when I think about womin (I'm a lesbian I think).

Grr! This is so confusing. Do you think I was raped? My therapist thinks it's likely that I suffered some abuse, simply because of how I act, but does this sound like anyone else's experience? Don't mean to pry; I just really want to make sure that it's likely before I tell anyone face to face.

I'm not really thinking clearly. Sorry this is so messed up.

[The Kira]

Hey...
I'm sorry about your father... What he did to you was not in ANY way normal parent behavior...
But think about it... What methods have you used to improve your memory? Are they safe? and do they have sideeffects? If yes, then the dreams are most certainly one of them.

If not, then thinking about things like this and dreaming about stuff like that is pretty normal and there is nothing wrong with it, so dont worry.

On the other hand, if you are confident that the dreams are related to the previous abuse you have gone through, I would recomend seeing a phycologist. Or maybe even just have a heart to heart talk with someone you truly trust. Like your mother, a close relative or friend. I think if you let it out you would feel better.

Let me know how things go
Take care
Melody...

[Imaginary]

I've just been doing memory puzzles and meditation, which helps. I think it was also because he sent me some shirts in the mail that smelled like him. I'm scared. I gave them away though. My mom has them. I wish I had my mommy here.

I don't like him. I told my therapist and she's going to talk with me some more later. I like daisies. WAAAH!

I keep hitting my head. It hurts inside, I'm getting all stressed. How do I stop it? Go away.

[The Kira]

Oh, puzzles, i thought you were on a medication or something... You know, do you have a diary? If not, i would strongly advise you to make one. I have mine online because I personaly find it easier just to type and you can actually get more down without your hand getting tiard and you can edit whatever you write if you want.

Anyway, my point is that writing a diary DOES HELP A LOT. After making in entery, you feel a plesant kind of emptiness. Like you spilled your guts to a friend that will never tell your secrets. To make it more enjoyable, I gave my diary a name and adress it directly like a person instead of just writing things that happen. Try, it truly helps. My therapist told me and I didnt belive it but tried anyway. You would be surprised. my-diary.org is where i keep it, ot's simple and I really like it... But there are meny other sites, hundreds. Or just keep it on paper if you prefer...

Take care
Melody

[J.u.s.t.i.n.e.]

I've forgotten a lot of the details of my rape and i forget them even more when I'm stressed or put in a triggering situation. Maybe these dreams are some memories from when you were younger or your brain is trying to piece together what happened to you exactly at that time. Either way there is a possibility that these events did actually happen. And i know that for myself the more I try to remember things about my sexual assult the more I get freaky dreams.