In the end, it's statutory rape...

[Ninetienine]

I'm 19.
My boyfriend is 15.

In January I'm going to travel 25 hours to see him.

He's told me he doesn't mind waiting until he's legal before we have sex, but I'm worried. I have a tendency to get pretty... physical, and I've been jerked around and lied to by guys before.

I trust him, I think I love him, but I'm paranoid.

What do I do if I get up there and we do the deed? Do I hand myself in to the police? What if he lied and he doesn't want to wait until April when he's legal? What if we can't work as a couple? What if the strain is too much? What if the sexual tension gets the better of us? And how far can we go before it's rape? Does there have to be penetration? Does oral sex count?

I'm so confused.

[Mittens The Cat]

If you don't want to just say no. From what I can see you have no idea so i just say don't do it.

[Nicolette]

Its your choice how far you two can take it, if you don't feel comfortable with it then that's totally up to you. Either way whatever happens you'll just have to go from there.

[Aphonopelma]

in all honesty, i don't know anyone who has taken notice of the law when in a relationship. couples have a tendency to move on 'naturally' and i'm not sure how strict the laws are, but if its a male that is the underage one, and very nearly 16 anyway, i don't see it being a major problem. Handing yourself into the police would just be, well, weird in a situation like that.

[Music]

I'm not sure which part of Australia you live in, but statutory rape is in place more for the protection of people under the age of consent from older individuals. You're only 4 years apart, that's not a very big difference. If you both want to do it, I would say go for it, if you're unsure then don't, and if you're not sure you wouldn't be able to if you go and you don't want to then don't go. It's as simple as that.

But, if it puts your mind at ease. This is in the Criminal Code Act of 1924 Section 13 Subsection 124(3).

It is a defence to a charge under this section to prove that person was of or above the age of 15 years and the accused person was not more than 5 years older than that person

I think this might only apply in Tasmania, but my point is that the law isn't really made for people who are only 4 years apart. It's more for when people are 10+ years apart.

[twk.]

lol the laws are so lax in certain states here i'm pretty sure the only time that you'll be charged with statutory rape is if the minor's parents go for it, and even then it's not a common occurance.

[Mel14]

If you do it, then you did it. If he agrees to it.....I'm sure you'll be fine....
Best wishes,
Megan

[Christine]

Check the law where you live. I can see where everyone else is coming from in saying that if he agrees, it's okay, but I don't think it's okay to break the law just because it isn't convenient. Believe me, I get it. My boyfriend is 6 years older than me (I'm legal, though). But the reason statutory rape laws exist is because most people don't think someone under the age of 16 (in most jurisdictions) is capable of giving informed consent. Whether he's mature for his age or "agrees" is irrelevant. If 16 is the legal age where you live AND the law isn't overridden, as it is some places, but the whole < 5 year age difference thing, don't do it. It is against the law and there's a reason for the law. Just wait until April.

[LittleMiss]

You should be fine anywhere but Tasmania (I would have thought that having two heads made you MORE mature), even then, because he's a boy and he's nearly 16, you should be fine. If the gender roles were reversed, it'd be impossible.

[Jaguar]

Isn't that awfully dramatic: to say that you would have sex with someone and turn yourself in to the police?

The only thing I would think unusual is a 19 y/o girl wanting to have sex with a 15 y/o boy. Girls usually want someone at least their age, and I would imagine you're going to have trouble finding things to talk about like mutual interests. Maybe you're young for your age and he's mature for his age, but you're still on the outside limit of the customary age difference.

[Jack]

Originally Posted by Ninetienine

What do I do if I get up there and we do the deed? Do I hand myself in to the police? What if he lied and he doesn't want to wait until April when he's legal? What if we can't work as a couple? What if the strain is too much? What if the sexual tension gets the better of us?

If you get there and you have sex then you have sex. Why would you hand yourself into the police if you did it? That would accomplish nothing and would only serve to ruin your life (or at the very least your holiday), if you think you would feel so guilty about having sex with him that you'd seriously consider going to the police then the answer is simple: DON'T have sex with him. Sexual tension can get high but you can still control yourself no matter how high it gets, you have free will and self control.

And how far can we go before it's rape? Does there have to be penetration? Does oral sex count?

Well that all depends on which country you're travelling to. On the off chance that you're travelling to England to see your boyfriend (and for anybody else interested in statutory rape laws) the law in England and Wales is as follows:

Sexual OffencesAct 2003

Section 9: Sexual activity with a child

18. Section 9 makes it an offence for a person (A) aged 18 or over to intentionally engage in sexual touching of a child under 16. Where the child is aged 13 or over but under 16, the prosecution must prove that A did not reasonably believe that he was 16 or over. "Touching" is explained at section 79(8) and covers all forms of physical contact including penetration; "sexual" is defined at section 78. Whether or not the child consented to the activity is irrelevant.

Section 10: Causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity

19. Section 10 makes it an offence for a person (A) aged 18 or over, intentionally to cause or incite a child aged under 16 to engage in sexual activity (as defined at section 78). Where the child is aged 13 or over, but under 16, the prosecution must prove that A did not reasonably believe that he was 16 or over. The sexual activity which is caused or incited may be activity with A (for example, where A causes or incites the child to have sexual intercourse with him), on the child himself (for example, where A causes or incites the child to strip for A's sexual gratification) or with a third person (for example, where A causes or incites the child to have sexual intercourse with A's friend). The incitement constitutes an offence whether or not the activity incited actually takes place. Whether or not the child consented to the activity caused or incited, or to the incitement, is irrelevant.

So in answer to your questions:
1. Any "sexual" touching of him is an offence.
2. No there does not have to be penetration.
3. Yes, oral sex counts.

For extra info "sexual" is defined by English law as:

Section 78: "Sexual"
146. There are two alternative limbs to the definition of "sexual" in section 78. Paragraph (a) covers activity that the reasonable person would always consider to be sexual because of its nature, such as sexual intercourse. Paragraph (b) covers activity that the reasonable person would consider, because of its nature, may or may not be sexual depending on the circumstances or the intentions of the person carrying it out, or both: for example, digital penetration of the vagina may be sexual or may be carried out for a medical reason. Where the activity is, for example, oral sex, it seems likely that the reasonable person would only need to consider the nature of the activity to determine that it is sexual. But where it is digital penetration of the vagina, the reasonable person would need to consider the nature of the activity (it may or may not be sexual), the circumstances in which it is carried out (eg a doctor's surgery) and the purpose of any of the participants (if the doctor's purpose is medical, the activity will not be sexual; if the doctor's purpose is sexual, the activity also is likely to be sexual).

147. If, from looking at the nature of the activity, it would not appear to the reasonable person that the activity might be sexual, the activity does not meet the test in either paragraph (a) or (b), even if a particular individual may obtain sexual gratification from carrying out the activity. The effect of this is that obscure fetishes do not fall within the definition of sexual activity.

[symphony]

From what I can see the only issue woudl arise if, after doing the deed, he went to the police and said you'd had sex with him, against his will - which, with him being your boyfriend, I dont think he'd do...

Other than that, to me, it seems it should be fine if you both wanted it? regardless of the law- with him being 15, it's not like he's a 10 year old who's had his mind swayed by you

Good luck!

[losing touch.]

i think you're worrying about this slightly unnecessarily. you're not gunna land up in jail for having sex with your boyfriend. it's all about personal choice.. if he wants to wait then respect that, if he doesn't then have sex with him.. so long as it's mutual and you're both happy it's fine.. it's not like he's far off the age of consent anyway.

[SingleMom]

I don't know about laws outside of where I live, but in my opinion I wouldn't risk it regardless of his feelings or beliefs if you have doubts. A friend of mine's daughter had sex with an adult when she was 15 and then again when she was 16. She ended up having two kids by this guy who did nothing to help her with them. Anyway, her mother pressed charges against him for statutory rape. According to the law where I live, it doesn't matter if the underage child consents or not because they're not believed to have the ability to make the choice wisely. Do you really feel that this is necessary for your relationship with him to continue? If you feel it is, you may need to reevaluate your relationship and figure out why this is necessary. And what would you do if you became pregnant with this child's child? I have a 15 year old son, so they are still children to me and unable to take care of another life if they are unable to take care of their own. Just a single mom's opinion. Hope it helps!

[chanelxo]

My ex boyfriend was 15 and i was 17 turning 18 it wasn't a big deal because his parents liked me alot but after i thought about it i'm glad i never slept with him not just because of the law but because guys at that age are too immature.So i'd say wait until his 17/18.

[Ryan1]

Actually its not statutory Rape, the law in Canada has a (Close in age limit of five years.) meaning that a 15 year old could infect have sex legally with a 19 year old.

People often times don’t understand the true meaning behind that law. Its not to keep teenagers from having sex its to keep sexual predators at bay. They don’t want people having sex and not being able to seek medical help.

However this law applies for some places in Canada the U.S I’m not sure.

As for your situation I disagree with what your doing. He’s 15 he’s doesn’t look at a relationship as you do. You have to understand that those long distance relationships generally don’t hold up to well unless there’s a great history between the two people.

And in this case a can clearly see there's next to no history between you two. Now before you take the trip think is what your doing right and is it in the best interest for both of you. Not just your self.

If you later find out that its indeed illegal to have sex with him I strongly! Strongly! Advise you not to have sex until he is old enough, because if you did get changed for that it would be with you for life.



I wish you all the best, take care!