Need help getting over childhood rape

[Anonymous1]

I don't know where to start, so let me introduce myself first. I'm 15 years old (bordering 16) and I've been in a stable long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year.

Not two days ago I was talking to her about her past when she decided to confess to me she was raped as a child (8-9 years old), and she's changed ever since. She's 16 now and doesn't think about it anymore, and she tells me she doesn't let it affect her but I'm scared and worried. Now that we decided to talk about it it's hurting us both remembering what happened in her childhood (she got raped, her mother beat and screamed at her, her father divorced and left her, she got bullied at school and had to leave and get homeschooling, she got into substance abuse at an early age but stopped again, the list goes on).

I'm finding it extremely hard to be a supportive boyfriend, because we don't know what to do. She hasn't told anybody else, not even her parents, which is worrying to me because I don't want her bottling up her emotions, but I don't want to force her to telling anyone if she doesn't feel comfortable with it. I wish we could get professional help but she's scared about it. I really don't know where else to turn, the past few days have been really hard on us both.

We're hoping internet resources such as teenhelp.org will help us both get over it and live a normal life again, so that she's no longer tormented by her past. Ever since, she's been overweight, alone, shy, keeping to herself and spends all of her time on the internet.

I'm also worried about how talking about it is making her feel. She feels guilty for telling me (because it's been hurting me a lot too, knowing what she went through), even though I've assured her it's not her fault and it was the right thing to do (telling me), and she's afraid it will affect our relationship.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know where else to turn, I don't know how to get over it, I don't know where to get help.

[SimplyComplex]

Hey,

Welcome to Teen Help and I'm glad you're coming here to at least give us a chance to give you support. Any form of abuse is difficult, not only for the main person affected but the people that love them as well, as I'm sure you're discovering for yourself.

However, I must stress that Teen Help and anything else you can find on the internet is not a replacement for anything professional help can do. I am completely agreeing with giving support to those who need it, and a place to talk about anything. But, you also need to be able to realize when something is merely too big for someone without a professional background. I know how scary it is to confess something like this to anyone. Especially things with this magnitude. I wouldn't suggest forcing her to talk with someone, but explain that she doesn't need to tell her parents why she wants to speak to a professional. She can simply mention she'd like to and that her reasons as to why are something personal. When she goes to see the professional, she can start off slow. She doesn't need to tell more than she's willing to. And she needs to know that the road to healing is a rough one. It's full of hard times and things we can't quite comprehend all at once, but it's possible to get through all of this. It's possible to cope as long as she's willing to do some things that are a little more difficult.

Bring up the idea where you can and not too often that it seems you don't want to listen. As for you, I suggest you vent these emotions your feeling in a healthy way because it's very difficult for you too. Possibly a journal or you might want to consider a professional yourself. Most of all, let her know she's cared for and if all you can do is listen, than that's better than nothing at all. Sometimes she doesn't need advice, she simply needs to know someone else is in this with her. And she isn't alone and neither are you. Remember to take this slow and try not to rule out a professional for either of you yet. Mention the idea of a journal for her as well, as she has many things coming back that she might want to sort out. This was things don't get jumbled together and she can sort through her thoughts and feelings.

Both of you are strong people and you can get through this. Don't forget that and doubt your strengths. Keep pushing and you two can do anything. Stay strong. We're all here for you.

Have hope,
-Melissa

[Beautiful_mind]

Hey i think she is very lucky to have you as her boyfriend. its always hard to face being abused. keep trying to get her to open up to you, i think that once she confronts it and tells her parents or a trusted adult things may look up for you both