Triggering (Abuse): school.....

[Em0bxy]

I was sexually abused when I was 10, I'm 12 now, almost 13, this happened to two different people within less than a year. I'm so scared to go back to school after being gone for so long. I've been gone for 18 days. If I could go back in time I would tell the younger me he was divine and he could push through the SAs. But I can't. I. Me. I can't. My body is hating me. My PTSD is causing so much wrong with me. I can't deal with blindfolds after the first SA, after the second I can barely be in the music wing without panicking. I was touched, kissed, and raped by my best friend and a staff member at my school.... no one got arrested, even though we went to the cops. (The staff didn't rape me but my best friend did). I wish that I could go back in time and change it, btu I can't, so what do I do to ground myself or try and remove the triggers from my life when one of the people is my neighbor and the other doesn't live that far from me in general. During the summer I found out where the staff lived, how old he was(64???? NASTY BRO), phone number, how long he has been working at my school(17.75 years!?), etc. I wasn't his first victim, I know that from a friend, but what I don't know is how to get any evidence after 3 years. Any advice???

[Moxie.]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Please remember that you are incredibly strong! As difficult as it may feel, you will get through this.

It's completely understandable that you're concerned about going back to school, especially when one of your abusers works at the school. Triggers may start to decrease over time, but removing them entirely is a challenging process...and one I haven't quite figured out myself. Perhaps you could talk to a trusted adult in your life, such as a favorite teacher or counselor, about what you're experiencing. While they may not be able to change the circumstances, having their support can be massively helpful. If possible, I also recommend keeping your distance from your former best friend and the school staff member as much as you can.

Grounding yourself is a great action to take when dealing with triggers. Personally, I like to engage with my senses to help ground myself. This could look like identifying things that you can see, touch, smell, hear, etc. Doing so can help bring you back to the present moment if you start to have flashbacks about what occurred. I personally also always keep headphones on me, as I find music to be a great grounding tool.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to offer in terms of gathering evidence after that amount of time. You may want to consider reaching out to local law enforcement or doing some research into your state laws to determine what your next steps should be. Both avenues should provide you with some information about what you can do.

I know this is an incredibly challenging time, but I know you'll get through it.

Take care,
Sam

[Em0bxy]

Hey Sam,
I've tried reaching out to local law enforcement and unfortunately they denied the case. State laws say DCF HAS to be sent. But it wasn't in my school.