Triggering (Abuse): abuse (?) questions

[BoyNextDoor]

hi! going anon on this one. is there a guide or smth regarding what docs can or can't do during examinations? i had something happen to me 2 weeks ago and idk if he took some liberties he shouldn't have or not. i called where i went and they said even though it's not common procedure it sometimes happen on a case by case basis and that the doctor followed protocol. out of curiosity i decided to call another clinic in a different state and they told me they have absolutely no grounds to conduct such tests during basic routine check ups. and tbh i dunno who to believe. they were both very credible to me (even the doc where i had my yearly check up said stuff that made a lot of sense)

[Mallika]

Hi Drew,

Thank you for reaching out. While I am not too familiar with the protocols that doctors follow during examinations, or how these vary by country, I would think that they certainly have do's and don't's to abide by.

What strikes me as important is that you felt uncomfortable during this examination conducted by the doctor, and hence you have a sound reason to bring it up to the clinic. I'm glad that you advocated for yourself by reaching out to the clinic and even cross-verified what they said by calling another clinic. Remember that organisations might try to protect their employee, so the clinic you first called (where you had the examination done) might be covering up for their doctor. You might want to write an email to the clinic's patient care team or management team if you would like to raise this matter.

It is terrible for doctors to take advantage of their medical practice and do things that make their patients uncomfortable. I believe others will have some valid points to share too, but personally I'm of the opinion that you are justified to seek clarification on the doctor's actions from the clinic's higher management team.

Hope you're taking care of yourself - feel free to reach out if you have anything you'd like to chat about!

[BoyNextDoor]

ah frick nonononono!!!! it was supposed to be anonymous welp…
yeah they must have do’s and dont’s, at least smth dictating what’s allowed and what’s not.
i felt uncomfortable bcuz i really don’t like being touched to begin with and those check up aren’t situations where u have the most privacy lollll let’s say the doctor is in the wrong why would the clinic try to protect him? that’s messed up fr…
i’ll try and email them (or his professional organization or smth). thing is he didn’t say any of those creepy things we hear like “don’t tell ur parents” or “it’s gonna be our secret hurr hurr” *winkwink* so tbh it strikes me as genuine and i might be making a big deal out of smth trivial


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So there's a few things that are going on here, as my understanding from someone also from the United States. Because I don't know the details, I can give vague answers, but they apply to the best of my knowledge.

In cases in which you suspect you have been abused or hurt, there is a difference in the procedure and what happens to different people related to a number of factors, like who you seek first (law enforcement or medical personnel). However, generally speaking, when it comes to reporting, the laws vary state by state, because prosecution occurs at a state level in most of these cases. Exceptions apply, but very, very rarely, generally speaking. This means all guidelines related to these crimes are dictated by state, and that *does* affect how medical personnel handle these cases state by state, too. Hence you hearing two different things from two different clinics in two different states, or if you were to do internet research without really having any familiarity with how such things work. You did nothing wrong, it's just difficult to sift through such nuances and proceedings, especially when you are the person who feels something that happened wasn't right and are already probably unsure about a lot of things, emotionally even, at the very least.

I do need to make you aware, however, that because you are a minor and if you specifically asked for the exam to be around suspicions of abuse or mentioned to your doctor in any way you feel you might be being abused, or if your doctor finds evidence of abuse even without you mentioning there are suspicions of abuse of any nature, they are required by law across ALL states to report this to authorities.

I am glad you talked to your doctor, and it was very brave of you to ask for help. It's a step many are afraid to take, and some never do. Whether someone else feels you were or weren't abused, ultimately, is not what decides whether you are or not okay internally. Abuse is ultimately on an internal emotional and biological level, about feeling a boundary was violated. Legal nuances, laws, or outcomes of any proceedings absolutely do not change or affect what it did to you on the inside. It sounds like some healing needs to happen, and I hope you have someone you feel you can talk to about this who may be able to support you. If you can think of no one in your life, or even just don't feel safe enough to do it in person, that's completely understandable and okay. You asking here is wonderful, and this is a supportive place to seek help without anyone having to know YOU personally; that's why this place exists!

Regardless, I hope you remember two main things: first, whatever happened, was not your fault in any way. In addition, while kindness to yourself is important, always, for everyone, sometimes extra kindness, and paying attention to be kinder to yourself, is especially important, and this is one of those cases. Please take care of yourself physically and be sure to do more of the things you love to bring you some joy, because you need it right now.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk or have questions. We're all here for you.

[BoyNextDoor]

hi subversive! ty for ur answer. in fact i went there for my yearly routine check up and that’s when i think he took some liberties.


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Originally Posted by BoyNextDoor

hi subversive! ty for ur answer. in fact i went there for my yearly routine check up and that’s when i think he took some liberties.


Sent from my iPhone 13 Pro Max using Tapatalk

Thank you for clarifying. I think I can help more.

If this is a doctor you have seen before, it's unlikely he just randomly took liberties. More than likely it has to do with your age. Abuse is just more likely to start during the young teenage years and it looks like you are in that age range. I am glad to see that now, they ask kids, instead of waiting on them to self-report.

If it was a new doctor, it wasn't liberties, either. It was simply you were seeing a new physician and that's a question they are literally required to ask.

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Subversive

Thank you for clarifying. I think I can help more.

If this is a doctor you have seen before, it's unlikely he just randomly took liberties. More than likely it has to do with your age. Abuse is just more likely to start during the young teenage years and it looks like you are in that age range. I am glad to see that now, they ask kids, instead of waiting on them to self-report.

If it was a new doctor, it wasn't liberties, either. It was simply you were seeing a new physician and that's a question they are literally required to ask.

it's my foster parents' doctor so i've been seeing him for like 4 years now. and yeah i'm 13 so definitely in that age range xD that's relieving to hear fr! i'm glad i got that out of the way