Partner came out about their sexual assault

[Nikkkkki]

Yesterday my partner told me that she had been assaulted in the past. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said we will talk today. Today i asked her about it but she just said i should forget she ever said anything and that it is to late for help anyway. I really dont know how to help. I am very scared of pushing her to hard and trying to get answers from her, but just forgetting about it doesnt feel right. Any advice would be very appreciated.

[Rivière]

I'm really sorry this hasn't yet received a response!

Speaking about sexual assault is very hard for a person. There are a lot of emotions surrounding it. These often being shame, anger, and embarrassment. Sexual assault can cause mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. While your partner may want to discuss it with you, she may be having second thoughts because of what happened or because of how she feels about it. She may be one of those people that feels they just need to 'get over it' and try and move on. However, in doing so, she may just be making it worse.

She needs to be ready on her own terms to discuss what happened with you. You can continue to encourage her to talk about it, perhaps through a hand-written letter or via email rather than talking face to face. She may find it easier to tell you if it's written down rather than speak about it verbally. This is a route a lot of people often prefer to take, because the emotions behind what happened are so raw, it can cause the person to get tongue-tied and struggle to express themselves, whereas writing it down eliminates this problem.

If she isn't sure where to start, you could let her know that it's ok no matter what she writes, and to just write exactly how she feels rather than worry about the way in which she's trying to word the letter/email. She needs to be able to get it off her chest in a way that works for her.

You can encourage her to contact a rape and abuse hotline. We have a number of them here. We also have an article with an anonymous user who has been through sexual assault on more than one occasion, which you can find here. You could try and get her to read it and let her know she's not alone. There are many other users of TeenHelp who are in a similar situation or have been through sexual assault at one point or another in their lives. If she's made aware that she's not alone, and others can relate, she may be more willing to express herself and open up to you.

With all of that said, bear in mind that you can't force her to open up to you. Give her some resources to help show that you're ready to support her, but allow her to open up to you in her own time, and when she feels ready. Sexual assault is a very difficult thing for many to discuss. Until then, just continue to support her and be there for her.

[Astro04]

Oh, that's really something bad.
Report it absolutely!

[charlengifford]

I would just recommend to wait till she will be ready to talk about it, and don't assault her with questions.