Non-PG13: I think my girlfriend was raped

[MWF]

Two days ago, my girlfriend told me she cheated on me with her friend at a party. My brain froze up basically and I didnt talk to her for two days. Since then, she provided more context for what happened and it really sounds like it might be sexual assault or rape.
She was at a party with a close friend of hers and she got blackout drunk- it sounds like more than 10 drinks, mostly hard liquor, and she rarely has more than one. He wasn't anywhere near as drunk, being sober enough to drive. She only remembers bits and pieces at certain points, but she doesn't remember going to the car. He made out with her and received oral sex in the car. She came to and drove home late in the morning, still feeling drunk. Since then he told her that he didnt cut her off on purpose and that he'd been planning to seduce her.
She's been apologizing up and down to me and I just assumed this was her fault because she said she cheated. I was prepared to break up with her, and now I feel like a total asshole for not hearing her out and being critical. This is sexual assault, right? And because there was penetration, thats rape? I need to know this so I can prosecute if need be.
I've been feeling like shit the last few days. That said, I know thats nothing to how she feels.

Hey Robert. Thanks for reaching out. I hope we can help.

Yes, it sounds like your girlfriend was sexually assaulted and/or raped. I don't know which country you're from , but the United States Department of Justice defines rape as “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” So, if you are in the United States, yes, your girlfriend's experience falls within the definition of rape.

Your girlfriend could legally not consent to any sex acts if she was drunk. Alcohol negates consent. Given the fact that her friend later said he intentionally meant to get her drunk and planned to "seduce" her makes it very apparently sexual assault.

I am glad you were willing to listen to your girlfriend open up and give more details about what happened. While one can't know exactly what she's feeling, victims of sexual assault and rape often feel confused, scared, worthless, and like what happened is their fault. I hope you will be there to support her going forward. She may want to seek therapy, or, if she's religious, guidance from a spiritual figure. I hope you support her, if that's something she decides.

I do want to say that, though I imagine you have many feelings about what happened, please do not push her to prosecute her friend, or report him to the authorities. You might want to suggest those are options, and if she chooses to go forward, support and aid her in that, but this kind of experience is very, very hard to go through. Reliving it for the authorities can be traumatizing all over again, and unfortunately, these crimes often don't really get prosecuted. Very few rapists actually experience legal consequences. So I know you might want to prosecute, but remember, that's her decision. The best thing you can do is to be there, listen, and show her you still care about her, because often these experiences make people think they are worthless and unlovable.

I hope this helped. PM me if you need anything, okay? Take care of yourself, and your girlfriend.

[Dawn.]

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear what you and your girlfriend have been through. It certainly sounds like you're both having a difficult time at the moment. It does sound like your girlfriend was sexually assaulted due to the fact that your girlfriend was drunk, could not give consent to what was happening and this person admitted to seducing her. I agree with Garyl in regards to being there and supporting to your girlfriend as much as you can. If you ever need anything, feel free to message me.