Title IX Investigation?

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]TW: Sexual assault, gaslighting

Hello! I am just looking for some advice on how to support someone in my life.

One of my close friends was sexually assaulted at a party a couple of years ago by a member of a fraternity that our organization has a close affiliation with. When it happened, a lot of people blamed her and just felt that she was not a credible source and dismissed her or blamed her for what had happened. Only within the last year or so has it come to light that this guy is a serial rapist and several other women from multiple schools (across multiple states) have come forward with their stories and they all follow the same pattern. This has added to the credibility of my friend's story (though unfortunate that this was how it had to be) and the Title IX office from the school that this guy is from recently reached out to my friend asking if she wanted to proceed with opening a Title IX investigation.

My friend is currently considering opening the investigation, but at the same time has several concerns. She is also aware of another survivor who wanted to open the Title IX investigation but cannot because the state she is from has a statute of limitations of 12 months whereas the state we live in has 15 years. My friend was told the only way the perpetrator will face any kind of ramifications (ie revoking of awards granted by the school) or legal consequences is if there is an investigation either by Title IX or law enforcement (which she is not willing to do, nor does she believe this option will provide any kind of justice or healing for herself.) So Title IX is really the only option -- please do not suggest police interaction in this thread.

She is hesitant for multiple reasons:

1. She isn't confident in the system at all; Title IX has changed too much recently in a way that gives the alleged perpetrator more power than previously. She is also worried that her case wouldn't stand up well for whatever reason, and that his legal counsel will be too strong (he is in the military and I guess they tend to give their people good lawyers? I am not totally sure on this one) compared to hers which would probably be free/whatever legal counsel and advocate she can find through either our school or local community agencies.
2. She doesn't want to involve other people (ie witnesses, anyone who would be subject to cross-examination during the investigation) and survivors who may not be ready to come forward with their stories. I told her, while this is valid, the other survivors don't need to get involved with the investigation. While I am sure their stories would be beneficial to building her case, if they do not want to be involved with it there is no one forcing them to be.

I have offered her my personal support as well as resources to provide free legal counsel but also I feel like she is already giving up before even trying all the options. While I don't want to push her to do something she is not ready for, I do think it would still be beneficial to her own healing and to helping other survivors as well. What would you do in this situation and what else can I do to support my friend no matter what choice she ends up making?[/size]

First of all, I think it's great you're supporting your friend in this way. So many people who go through this don't have any support, let alone someone as involved as you. I am glad she has someone who is dedicated and compassionate and wants to see her succeed and heal.

Reporting sexual assault is very, very hard and very, very scary, especially when the perpetrator is someone in a position of wealth and power, or at least protected by wealth and power. Very few perps are ever charged and even fewer are ever incarcerated for their actions, especially if, once again, they are in a position of power, and the military is a great position of power. It's very understandable why she'd be hesitant to come forward.

In addition, rape victims, when they do come forward, are usually raked through the coals. They have to tell their story again and again to people who often are not compassionate and maybe don't even believe her. The toll it takes on a person is very taxing. It's understandable why she'd be scared of that.

I know you see it as her "giving up" but it's probably more a matter of self preservation. These things break you and you are never the same again. Reliving it can break you all over again. I hope you can forgive her for not wanting to go through that.

I would follow her lead. You've given her resources and now the ball is in her court. It may be frustrating but it's her choice, in the end, to heal in her own way, and that may be by never revisiting the incident again. You can bring up that it's helpful to other survivors and that may be the case, but it's still her journey and her path to healing. She has to make the choice for herself. All you can do now is show her you still care and support her no matter what she chooses.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything.

[hocus pocus]

Eli has given some really good advice! I wanted to add that reporting isn't necessary for healing. It is important to some people and they go through the process as part of their healing and moving forward, but others prefer not to report.

Some survivors also feel as if they have a responsibility to report so they can keep the abuser from harming other people. However, it's not their responsibility. Whether the abuser harms other people is out of their control. Reporting is an important choice to have because survivors have control and choice taken away from them when they are abused.

Since the area your friend is from has a 15 year statue of limitations, she does have time to think about it. She could decide not to report for now, and then choose to later, or never choose to report. Like Eli said, it is up to your friend. She'll need support regardless of what she chooses to do.