Is Blackout Drunk Sex Rape?

[Allybaby785]

I was at a wedding rehearsal drinking wine and sitting next to a guy in the wedding who I know I was flirting with. After that, I remember nothing except being so ill the next morning I thought I was dying.

There are now TWO guys claiming to have hooked up with me. I was also told I was drinking Maker's Mark straight from the bottle. I don't recall ANY of this. My mind from the evening is completely erased. Could this be due to trauma??

I remember nothing of the night and don't know anyone well-enough to ask what happened and expect a truthful answer. I do know that I can be extremely flirtatious when I drink ---it is possible I was consensual but it's also possible I was not. I don't have the faintest memory of the evening!!

I wonder also if I was drugged? It has now been 2 months so I guess it is past the time when I could find out for certain?

Is this rape or is there no way to know since my memory is completely blank from that evening?

I don't have anyone to talk to since I can't affirm or deny anything. I feel worthless and hate myself.

What am I to do?

[CorrieUSMC]

If a person is intoxicated from alcohol; YOU CAN NOT CONSENT.

You are impaired, if someone "Hooked up" with you, while you where impaired of judgement, It does count as rape. You need to talk to someone about it, isn't there a trusted friend you can talk to try and get some answers?

If not, you can still report it. On the account of if you where drugged, it can be difficult to tell because, its been a couple months.

Also, welcome to the Community of TeenHelp, and always remember you can ask many of us questions either here on the forums, The LiveHelp button on top if it says "Online", HelpLINK will submit a ticket, and Operators can reply. Or also the Chat room you can go into the "Support & Advice" room and ask away. Feel free to PM me if you need anything else.

[hocus pocus]

Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp!

As Corrie said, if you are under the influence of alcohol you cannot give consent. Therefore it is considered rape.

Lack of memory could be from the alcohol you consumed but it also could be from dissociation, or a combination of both. Often times during a traumatic experience in which you can't physically flee, you will flee mentally and that is known as dissociation. Some people who struggle with it describe it as going numb or blacking out. We can't tell you for sure if you struggle with dissociation but it may be something worth looking into.

If by chance you did dissociate, memories of what happened can come back on their own when your body feels as though you are ready to deal with it.

I think you should talk to a professional so you can work through the negative feelings that you're dealing with.

[ElsatheDepressionSlayer]

If those guys did indeed take advantage of you while you were blackout drunk, IT IS RAPE. You were too impaired to give consent.

I'm very sorry about what happened to you, and not knowing must be rough. I'd recommend you talk to a counselor to sort out your feelings.

[Allybaby785]

Thanks so much everyone for the reply. I am not sure how I "acted" in that state however or even if the guy(s) themselves were intoxicated. I am so confused and ashamed because I have no idea if I acted as if I wanted to have sex in those moments or did not ---my memory is just blank. I may have even consented?? I'll never know so I am not sure how I could accuse anyone. It really scares me to think I may have been raped but I really don't know how this works since my memory vanished.

[hocus pocus]

I don't think that giving consent while intoxicated counts. You were under the influence and you definitely weren't in the right frame of mind to consent to sex. I know the uncertainty can really be bothersome and I think if you see a professional who specializes in trauma, their perspective and help they have to offer can be beneficial.

[Celyn]

Even if you had given consent, it wouldn’t count because you were under the influence of alcohol and therefore you weren’t in the right frame of mind to give consent, regardless of how you ‘acted’.

There are many reasons why you might not be able to remember what happened, like the amount of alcohol in your system, whether your drink had been spiked, whether you dissociated during the rape etc.

As Cassie said, if you see a professional who is specialised in trauma, they will be able to help deal with all these confusing feelings you have.

Lastly, I want to remind you that whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault at all.

[TheGuyinCanada]

I think they may be lying. If you were drunk then maybe you may have forgot. If you were not drunk then may be not.