Was it sex or was I raped?

[cassandralombardi]

So a couple of years ago (I was 13 going on 14) I was hanging out in town with my friends. There was a big group of us, sort of just spread out all around. Anyways, I met this guy, who I will refer to as "J". J was extremely nice to me, and seemed to be interested in me. As my boyfriend (of 1 year) and I had just broken up, I was definitely feeling very self-conscious and very down. I was definitely not in the best place in my life. J and I were talking a bit, and he seemed pretty okay. He quickly told me a story about how his mom had kicked him out, and he had nowhere to stay for the night. Being the kind of person who always wants to help and protect others, I proceeded to tell him that I would help him find a place to stay at the end of the day. People started leaving, and I told him I would help him find a motel and even pay for him (as he claimed he had no money). We wandered around for a bit, until we found a motel. He asked me if I wanted to come upstairs, and even though I was hesitant, I was extremely naive and agreed to come with him. It never crossed my mind that anything remotely sexual would happen (hindsight, I should have obviously never agreed to come with him). When we were in the room, he was sitting on the bed, and I was sitting on the chair. I was trying to tell him about myself, and he did not seem interested at all. He asked me to come and join him, but I said no. I started to feel uncomfortable and made my way to the bathroom, trying to think of what to do. When I came back outside, he had moved from the bed and was closer to the bathroom, he started trying to kiss me and take my clothes off. I told him that I didn't want to, and I did definitely not want to have sex. However he got his way, and we did end up having sex, even though I distinctly told him no several times.
Now, my question is; was this rape? I mean the sex was not consensual, I did not want to do it, I said no multiple times, I felt afraid, and I felt threatened. I definitely felt that he was forcing me to do something I did not want to do, especially because when I tried to stop it, he merely pinned my arms down to the bed.

[Taylah]

Yeah.
You said no he did it anyway.

[Rivière]

From my perspective it most definitely is. You stated several times you didn't want to do anything with him and yet ended up doing so only out of fear. It's entirely up to you how you proceed but don't allow what happened to let slide. Unless you genuinely feel like you're able to move past what happened, I strongly suggest you speak to someone about what can be done. Rape can have unwanted negative effects, particularly mentally.

It doesn't matter how naive you were, or weren't. He knew what he was doing and he doesn't deserve to get away with purposely luring you into a situation you clearly stated you wanted no part in.

[Celyn]

Hey there,

I agree with the above response. You said no, you didn’t give consent, and you felt afraid, but he carried on anyway. As Sarah said, if it affects your life and you can’t move on, I suggest you talk to someone about it.

Take care

[hocus pocus]

Welcome to TeenHelp!

Sex without consent is rape. Like others have said, what you experienced was rape.

If you feel comfortable talking about your feelings I think you should tell someone about this so you can get the help that you need. It's important for you to talk about what you went through and your surrounding feelings when you are ready so you can begin to heal. If you're not ready to talk to someone in your personal life, here is a list of hotlines.

Feel free to send me a message if you need anything.

[Invisible...]

Hello!

I would have to agree with the others, what you experienced was rape.I am sorry that this has happened to you. I understand how you feel and how you did feel at the time. I have had a similar experience. You are not alone. We are here for you, especially me. This place is a great place for support. I am here if you want to talk about anything. It's going to be alright.

Hey there,

The others have mirrored my thoughts.

The only thing I wanted to add was that I think it would be good for you to talk to someone about this so that you can work on moving on from what occurred. Is this causing a negative impact on your life? Are you having trouble moving on from it? A counselor will be able to help you work on healing from what you have been through and start to work on getting to a better place.

You did absolutely nothing wrong, either. You were being kind to this person and he took that kindness and took advantage of it.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to message me.

[TheGuyinCanada]

Yes, it is considered rape. You told him no but he forced sex on you anyway.