Would you consider this to be rape?

[wasiteva]

I don't want anyone to judge me for this story, I would just like to hear other people's opinions on what happened. I also apologise for the length but I really need help with this and don't want to leave anything out.

At the end of last summer, my friend and I decided that we wanted to go out since it was my last weekend in town (I moved away for my second year of college) and I had just ended a relationship. We drank quite a bit before we went to the bar and arrived drunk but still completely in control of ourselves and I can remember every detail up until my friend saw someone that she knew at the bar and he offered to buy us drinks. I only remember having one drink at the bar (but apparently we had several) and the rest of the night was blacked out. I eventually ended up leaving with him (which is completely out of the ordinary for me as I have NEVER left the bar with someone I didn't know before, no matter how drunk I was). We went back to his house and the rest of the story is based off of what he told my friend. The only reason that I would think I'd leave with him is because he knew my friend and I did lose her and I didn't have my cell phone with me, so he probably offered to call her from his house. When we went back to his house he said that I was completely gone, I fell down the stairs and was talking to myself and running around the house saying that there was someone there when really nobody ever was. Never in my life have I ever been so drunk that I saw people that weren't there. He also never had one drink, as he doesn't drink and was driving that night. I woke up naked in bed to him telling me to get out of his house. I was still really groggy in the morning and barely remember how I even got out of his house. I haven't slept with many people and I've always made sure to only sleep with people who I have had relationships with. The whole circumstances of the night is really shady (I even saw the messages that he had sent to my friend were actually sent to my phone..) and if he knew that I was that messed up he shouldn't of done what he did. I know we had sex because he told my friend that, and I also woke up naked, but I don't even remember it happening. It could have been consenual for all I know, but I wasn't in the right state of mind for that and he was sober. Anyway, I'd like to hear others opinions on if this is rape or not, and what it would be classified as if not.

[Tigerlily.]

Yes by all means this can most certainly be classified as rape. Since you were drunk, especially considering you were THAT drunk, you could not legally give consent. Regardless of whether you said yes or not, in that state, you can't legally agree to having sex and especially since he was completely sober. It doesn't matter what you said at the time. The law states that if a person is clearly inebriated by a substance such as alcohol, they cannot legally give consent to have sex. I'm sorry that this happened to you and you honestly didn't deserve it. It's up to you if you want to get the authorities involved but legally you most certainly can.

[leavemealone]

it sounds like you were drugged to me, especially if you only remember drinking one glass. if you've gotten drunk before, and this is different from how you normally react to it, either someone slipped you something or you had a bad reaction to whatever it is you drank. though it probably wont get far in court, it is very suspicious how he stayed sober the entire night, even though he went to a bar. unless he went there with a friend to watch out for them, my thoughts cant help but go toward rape. i would definitely tell someone about this.

[Ghost On The Highway]

Hmm, it seems like he doesn't regard it as rape, since he told your friend and all. Strange that he would do that, though. I guess I would classify it as sexual assault maybe. In any case, seems like a mistake at best, misdemeanor at worst. Not something that warrants felony charges imo.

[Beautiful Disaster]

Hi there,

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. In my opinion, and the opinion of the law in the UK (I don't know where you're from), it is rape. You were not in a position where you could consent whilst thinking clearly, as you were drunk. Therefore anything he did, meant he was taking advantage of you in that state. Like Cheye said, it doesn't matter if you said yes at the time, you weren't thinking straight. It isn't your fault, please please don't believe that. Honestly it isn't.

I have been in a position similar to this before, if you ever want to talk about it then feel free to shoot me a message. Also, no-one here judges you at all, we are here to help as best we can. Unfortunately these things happen, they can happen to anyone, but that doesn't reduce the impact it can have on us.

I hope you are okay, take care.
Anna