What to do? Is he sorry? What about the pregnancy? Raped by ex-boyfriend.? Advice please...

[OneSecond23]

My boyfriend an I broke up because he cheated on me. He was in the showers as last after his training (was a drunk) when his ex-girlfriend (whose not over him) seduced him. She offered to gave him what I did not gave him. Sex. I was a virgin and wanted to wait. Before he could react it she was giving him a *******. He pushed her away, but only when he realized it was wrong. He was sorry, but we broke up.

He still loved me and I still loved him, but I wanted a break.

About a month later there was a party, he was there and I was there. He was drunk and high. The ex-girlfriend did some sort of drugs in his drink (she said that after she got to many alcohol inside of her) and was making him angry. Saying I was making out with a guy and stuff. She hoped that he would beat me so I never wanted to see him again. But he dragged me into the bushes and raped me, he hit me one time so I would shut up. He did his deed then paniced a bit and ran away. My 3 friends finded me and got me to my friend E.'s uncle (he used to be a nurse)(I was bleeding in my private area and in my face, he is very strong and did never know his own power). the uncle said to go to a hospital or the police, but I didn't want to go I got a warm bath and he fixed my face. He said that I must go to a docter for a bloodtest and a Sexual Disease test. He called my parents in the morning and E. told me about being forced by her boyfriend to sex, and that she got pregnant before she moved to here (she was then 15 the same age as me, she is now 18). This helped me, I did not know her that well she was more of a friends friend. I stayed with E. for about 3 weeks or so I didn't want to go home. I then did a bloodtest and was told I'm pregnant.

I'm now more than 1 month pregnant and I don't know what to do. My ex came to me to tell that he was sorry and that I should go to the police, but I don't want to. And if I go will he be locked up? And I don't know what to do about my pregnancy, he still doesn't know...And is he really sorry?

Does someone have advice or me? E. can't really help me she is against abortion and wasn't raped, but only a bit forced. So she isn't a big help....

Sorry for my bad english, it's not my first or second language.

[longgone]

I'm very sorry to read this story, its not okay that your ex-boyfriend not only hit you but he also raped you. If you do go to the police most likely he will be put in a corrections facility and will most likely be registered as a sex offender depending on where you live; only because you are 15 years old and that in I believe all states now is too young to have sex.

Now about the pregnancy, you have to decide what you want to do,which could either be raise the child yourself, put the child up for adoption, or abortion. It does cost a lot of money to raise a child and a lot of time and effort. I'm not too familiar with putting children up for adoption but in my state you can bring the child within a week of birth and hand it over to authorities no questions asked and they will put your child in a foster home. If you want to seek information about abortions talk to your health care provider as they can assist you through the transition and also give you information regarding the risks and cost of abortions.

Your parents could also press charges on their own being that you engaged in sexual intercourse and you are probably under the states legal age limit.

From what I have read of the situation, I think you should go to the police even though you don't want to, the simple thing is that he put you in danger, raped you at the risk of getting an std, and got you pregnant. I believe if you don't do something now, he could just go and do this all over again to you or someone else.

I hope this helps even a little and feel free to pm me if you have any other information or need help with anything else.

[purplemask]

I agree, you need to tell the police. Even if your friend is against abortion, this is your body and your choice. If you want to complete your pregnancy, do so. If you do not, you do not have to. Even if he apologized, rape culture is a dangerous thing, and he could do this again to another woman. It is NOT ok EVER and rapists often do it more than once, ESPECIALLY if they are not reported! Do not make excuses for him!
I am so sorry you are going through this, but be strong, and know that there are people who can help. Decide for yourself if you are going to carry out this pregnancy. Tell the authorites what he did, action really does need to be taken against him. It will ultimately be up to you whether or not you think he should know you are pregnant. He might get violent, he might offer to pay child support or help pay for an abortion. If he wants you to have an abortion and you don't want one, or if you want one and he doesn't want you to do it, remember he never had your CONSENT, and you don't need his for that decision.

[Delicious Chaos]

Hey sorry to hear about what happened to you. How old is your ex? I agree about what has been said before, you should go to the police. Because he might hurt you or someone else.
As of what to do with your baby, taking care of a baby isn't easy to do. You could either put the baby up for adoption or abort the baby. If you aren't able to lose your baby to adoption or abortion you could ask your parents or another trusted adult to help you raise the chile because I am sure you aren't able to take care of a baby at this age.
Good Luck

[OneSecond23]

Originally Posted by adm994

I'm very sorry to read this story, its not okay that your ex-boyfriend not only hit you but he also raped you. If you do go to the police most likely he will be put in a corrections facility and will most likely be registered as a sex offender depending on where you live; only because you are 15 years old and that in I believe all states now is too young to have sex.

Now about the pregnancy, you have to decide what you want to do,which could either be raise the child yourself, put the child up for adoption, or abortion. It does cost a lot of money to raise a child and a lot of time and effort. I'm not too familiar with putting children up for adoption but in my state you can bring the child within a week of birth and hand it over to authorities no questions asked and they will put your child in a foster home. If you want to seek information about abortions talk to your health care provider as they can assist you through the transition and also give you information regarding the risks and cost of abortions.

Your parents could also press charges on their own being that you engaged in sexual intercourse and you are probably under the states legal age limit.

From what I have read of the situation, I think you should go to the police even though you don't want to, the simple thing is that he put you in danger, raped you at the risk of getting an std, and got you pregnant. I believe if you don't do something now, he could just go and do this all over again to you or someone else.

I hope this helps even a little and feel free to pm me if you have any other information or need help with anything else.

Originally Posted by purplemask

I agree, you need to tell the police. Even if your friend is against abortion, this is your body and your choice. If you want to complete your pregnancy, do so. If you do not, you do not have to. Even if he apologized, rape culture is a dangerous thing, and he could do this again to another woman. It is NOT ok EVER and rapists often do it more than once, ESPECIALLY if they are not reported! Do not make excuses for him!
I am so sorry you are going through this, but be strong, and know that there are people who can help. Decide for yourself if you are going to carry out this pregnancy. Tell the authorites what he did, action really does need to be taken against him. It will ultimately be up to you whether or not you think he should know you are pregnant. He might get violent, he might offer to pay child support or help pay for an abortion. If he wants you to have an abortion and you don't want one, or if you want one and he doesn't want you to do it, remember he never had your CONSENT, and you don't need his for that decision.

Originally Posted by Katz

Hey sorry to hear about what happened to you. How old is your ex? I agree about what has been said before, you should go to the police. Because he might hurt you or someone else.
As of what to do with your baby, taking care of a baby isn't easy to do. You could either put the baby up for adoption or abort the baby. If you aren't able to lose your baby to adoption or abortion you could ask your parents or another trusted adult to help you raise the chile because I am sure you aren't able to take care of a baby at this age.
Good Luck

-My ex will turn 17 this month and I will turn 16 this month.


-Plus you guys make it sound that he will rape again. I know my ex since we were little, he can be a jerk some times, but I doubt that he will do it again. He was too drunk and high to realize what he did.


-And does anyone know if it's you can give your baby away, but that you still can visit it and get it back when you have a home, job,...?
Or am I just hoping for something that does not exict?



Anyway thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it!

[Tigerlily.]

Technically according to your age, your parents may be able to press charges if they want, but in any case, it is up to you and/or your parents if you want to press charges. As for the baby, you may want to look into open adoption, but no there is nothing really matching what you're talking about. The closest thing is open adoption, but there's really no option where you can have another person care for the baby then take it back when you are older. You're options are pretty much as follows:

Keeping the baby- You'll be able to see the child grow up, and as long as you take care of it and provide for it, you will always have custody over this child. However, at 15, you are most likely not financially independent, and therefore your parents will be paying for this child, and it may make family life hard in general.

Abortion- You will not have to worry about the money situation other than the initial cost for the abortion, and be able to generally continue life as any other teenager. However you will have the emotional aspect that quite a lot of women do have in the fact that you were pregnant, and now no longer have that connection to a child, even though you know it was probably the best option for you (assuming you agree with that in this case).

Closed Adoption- You carry the baby until it is born, then see it go off with a family who you know can give that child a good life and a financially stable life, as well as give a couple a child they may not otherwise get to have or care for. However you've carried this baby for 9 months inside of you and you will not get to see it, and chances are, it will not know you unless they decide to look for you, and in that case, may never get to contact you until they are 18.

Open Adoption- You carry the child until birth, hand it off to a loving family who can care for it, and (depending on the agreement with the family), get to see him or her grow up, and they may get to know that you are their birth mother, you may be allowed to give presents for the birthday and other gift giving times, as well as maybe get pictures and letters from the child. However, you will not be raising them and will have essentially no say in how the child is raised, you will not have custody and if the adoptive parents so wish, may not be able to actually see the child, just send and receive letters.

Those are pretty much the very simple pros and cons to each option, but there are many more pros and cons to all of them, I highly suggest you do some research online or speak to a women's clinic counselor so they can help educate you on your options for this baby and you can decide what is best for you.