"Admitting" you are disabled.

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Sometimes I have a hard time admitting that my conditions could be considered a disability. I had accommodations through the disability center in school, and I am only finally getting to a place where I ask for assistance at work. The only thing I asked for was a fan, though, so obviously it wasn't a big ask. If I needed other accommodations I wouldn't even know how to go about it. like just a doctor's note? Sometimes I have a hard time admitting that yes, my mental health and physical health conditions do impact my everyday life and make functioning more difficult. But I never know what steps to take, LOL.

[Rivière]

Although I have learning disabilities, I don't really see them as a 'disability' More of a challenge to overcome.

I've lived with them for most of my life and thought they were normal. I thought my struggles with understanding analogue clocks was a bit weird but normal. I thought constantly dropping and crashing into things was normal. I thought my poor crappy handwriting was normal. I thought my easily distracted nature was normal. I thought misreading words was normal because it happened every single day.

Turned out these things weren't considered 'normal' and were part of disabilities.

By the time I turned 25 and got a proper assessment, and received a diagnosis, the assessor already noted that I clearly already developed a lot of strategies to overcome my issues. Just that now I'm even more aware they exist, I've adjusted even further.

I think the only time I've struggled is recognising and understanding boundaries. It has been mentioned by my mum that I nearly got checked out for autism, and my closest friend said he wouldn't be surprised if I were somewhere on the spectrum. I think if I ended up getting assessed and it came out that I had some level of autism or Asperger's, I would struggle to accept it.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Dez,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. When you have a disability it can be hard asking for help with you're job or at school or anything you are doing. Sometimes we may not want to let others know about this problem because we do not like having it and we feel that they are going to look at us differently. The truth is, they will look at how amazing you are because, you are always getting you're work done on time. If you want them to know, you can ask to talk to them when other people are not around. Always do what is best for you. If you need help with something you can always ask for help, if you have a hard time opening up about this you can write a email to them and they can read it and then be able to help you out with what you need. I wish you the best with this and hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you to help.

[Celyn]

I thought I was 'normal' up until high school when things started going wrong and I then thought 'something was wrong with me'. I didn't know what, but I didn't fit in, had no friends and got teased. When I was 16, I learned about sexual abuse and blamed that for me struggling (having previously experienced that as a child)- assuming that it was the root of all my problems. I thought that if I put myself in therapy, I could 'get better' and somehow go back to 'normal' and everything would be fine.

I didn't know about autism, not properly until a few years ago. I don't know for sure whether I am autistic or not, but due to the circumstances surrounding how I came to know of autism, in a way, it felt I was forced to realise that I might be autistic. At the start, it didn't seem too bad. I was excited to drop everything, all that I had been, and thought of who I could be and the person I could become if I embraced autism. That didn't quite go to plan as I revisited my life and memories, through the lens of autism and suddenly, everything felt worse. Much worse.

I never knew what support or accommodations I could've done with throughout school or life in general. Whenever someone says the word 'support' it feels like a word that gets thrown around, but no-one really knows exactly, in a concrete way, what it is. But what I have noticed, is that since realising there is a very good chance I might be autistic, I have begun to be a bit gentler with myself. After revisiting my memories, I know that I get really anxious when talking on the phone. Even after the phone call, I'll get anxious later on wondering whether I got things right or did they mean this or that etc. I used to get so anxious that I would get bad dreams and feel ill the day before making/receiving a call. Now, even though I don't have a diagnosis and don't mention autism, I just let people know that I prefer email. I've asked 3 different people from 3 different sectors, and they have all taken my preferences into consideration and have emailed me rather than called. Something simple like that has made a lot of difference because it has cut down on a lot of anxiety, not just anxiety talking on the phone, but also anxiety over miscommunication as well. It's only because of my understanding of autism, combined with my introspection and reflection on my life and memories and struggles that I've started to work with my strengths and ask for accommodations or workarounds for things I struggle with.

I admit, it does feel weird and I do think that maybe I shouldn't make a fuss and just find a way of dealing with anxiety related to phone calls or other things, but I've learnt that when things work for me, I can be happier/more productive as a result, and really, that's all that matters.

When I first read the post, I said to myself that your limitations are not disabilities; but the word "disability" has such a wide range and is a spectrum of differences and limitations from the "normal" human functions — or any animal, for that matter... not just human beings!

The first thing you need to understand is what qualifies as a reasonable accommodation? Be sure you look up details of the American with Disabilities Act; do they cover mental health or other disorder of brain chemistry? Once you've answered those questions then, yes, you should get documentation from a doctor's office or a mental health professional that say "Dez has these disabilities and require the following:" which you would tell them about so they know what to point out in their letter to your place of employment or school.

If looking at the ADA specifications get to be too much, certainly do ask your doctor or mental health professional for guidance!

It sounds like more work than you'd like, but if you want these accommodations then having a licensed physician's official note that you are able to physically (I wouldn't recommend digital) hand in to your employer or professors would be best.

Finally, admitting you have a disability is not the end of the world. Worrying about what other people will think/say and they'll begin to treat you differently is certainly valid and it does happen. Just let them know, "Hey, I'm still me. I just struggle a bit with my mental health. I get tired a lot." (etc) and keep reminding them of this. More likely than not, they'll be supportive and try their best to be mindful of your limitations.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Kate*]

I've had my diagnosis about 8 years now, and I'm still struggling with this. At first it was devastating, then it was empowering (like I told you so, it's real!), and now for the most part, I'm back to it being a pain in the ass it always has been. Technically, nothing changed. As the neuropsych said when I had the testing done "You're the same person you've always been." But, in a lot of ways it doesn't feel like it. I haven't gone a day since diagnosis without thinking about it, whereas before it was just my normal. I still switch between all the terms and language because I haven't settled on an "identity" if that makes sense.

Depending on how your workplace is, I would disclose and then see what their policy is about documentation. Personally, I've disclosed, but I'm so used to working without accommodations that I just power though unless I really need something. And so far, the only thing I've needed is a walkie talkie so I can ask where things are or have someone check inventory. Certain positions get them automatically, mine wasn't one of them, so I just asked for one. And it was really a "common sense" thing rather than an accommodation. The only time I considered having it declared as an official accommodation was when there weren't enough of them and I was always the one who had to give mine up.

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For this job the only one I have needed was a fan so far and thankfully my boss is generally very chill and if it's a reasonable request that we can afford (like a fan) she's willing to help out. What if I do get to a workplace one day though that isn't as willing to help out? Is it something I can take to HR if it ever comes down to it?

[Kate*]

Yes, as long as you can prove you have a diagnosis (They are allowed to ask for documentation), you are entitled by law to reasonable accommodations. I don't think they can legally ask about details, but you can disclose as much or as little as you're comfortable with, or whatever is necessary if they want to fight you on something.

It will depend on the culture and environment of the workplace and what the accommodation is. Some places are relaxed, and if it sounds reasonable or like common sense, they'll do it; others are very much "by the book" and have certain procedures you'd have to follow.

If you ever do have to ask, you can say something (to your supervisor or HR) like "Because I have a disability, I'm struggling with X part of my job and need an accommodation." They should give you specifics from there of how to go about it.