I feel like I have a mental disability

[BreathingIn]

( I don't know whether this should go in the Mental Health topic or Family, either way it can be moved if needed )

I'm in my early 20's and a college graduate. I have applied endlessly for jobs, ones I was sure I'd be good at, but I keep getting turned down. I'm beginning to apply for waitress jobs in the meantime until I find something in my field of degree.

But my family set a job up for me stocking groceries. Before going any further, you should know that my family controls my life. They always criticize what I'm doing, where I go, what I wear, etc... They yell at me for how I feel. For example, my mom walks like an elephant and when I tell her to walk quietly she gets very mad and says "You're crazy! You need help!".

When I told them I'm applying for waitress jobs, they put that down and say "You don't want to do that" and list everything that's bad about it.

Basically, everything I think about, they list everything that's wrong and offer their opinions and tell me I need to listen to them for the best.

It has gotten to the point that I feel like I have a mental disability, possibly retardation, because they have made me feel extremely incapable of making decisions for myself. It has gotten extremely bad because I second guess everything I do and end up not doing anything at all. I was very excited to apply for a couple waitress jobs this week, but since they put it down, I'm thinking that I'm stupid and don't know what I'm doing.

I graduated high school and college and did all my work on my own. I've had several internships. But when my family is in the picture, I feel like they treat me as if I have a mental disability and can't do anything for myself. My mom even insists she makes my bed because she says I can't do it right.

Growing up I felt I was retarded because I didn't have many friends. I felt like I was treated in the same manner that a classmate with severe mental retardation had. They ignored her and laughed at her behind her back. They did the same to me. No one wanted to be around me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've talked to a school counselor for a long time and everything points towards that I'm fine. But my family is making me feel like I'm not mentally capable of doing things on my own. I don't know what to do. How do I know if there's something actually wrong with me or if it's my family?

[Celyn]

Hey there,

I moved your thread to Friends and Family because most of what you describe is how your family makes you feel rather than specific issues. This might also help to answer your question of whether it's you or your family.

It's unlikely that you have any learning issues, as you have graduated without any help, and if there were any issues there, it would've been picked up on earlier by teachers. The same goes for mental health issues too, which I'm assuming you would've mentioned in your post, if you thought you had any. What sticks out the most from your post is this:

But when my family is in the picture, I feel like they treat me as if I have a mental disability and can't do anything for myself.

How other people treat you, is a reflection of themselves, not you. You are not stupid at all, and I'm sorry that you are being made to feel this way.

There's a good chance that the put downs have made you feel insecure about your decision making abilities, and you may have low self-esteem because of doubting yourself. I think it might help to remember what you are good at, and all your positive qualities too.

I can see your logic for applying for waitress jobs, whilst waiting for something to come up in your field, and think that if it's something you are still interested in, then you should go for it.

Is it possible to talk to your family about how you feel you are being treated? Sometimes, it becomes a habit to put someone down and they might not realise how much it hurts you. It's good that you have been talking to a school counsellor and hope that it's been of some help to you. You might find it beneficial to continue with counselling as it can provide an emotional outlet for you.

Take care

[L4Y]

It sounds as if the way people have treated you for much of your life has left you with a feeling of very low self-worth. That's perfectly understandable, but try to see yourself as a bright person who is more than capable of running her own life.

If your family is constantly having this toxic effect on your life, perhaps it's time to distance yourself from them, at least to a degree. Or at least explain that you are not comfortable with the amount of control they are attempting to place on your life.

In my opinion, if you feel waitressing is a good job fit for you, then you should absolutely go that route. Do what makes you happy - it is your life, after all. Good luck and best wishes.