Re: They found out

[socoquettealii]

my mom found out about 2 weeks ago, i had been doing it for 1 year then. i was at my aunts house and i did something with my left arm, which is the only wrist i self-harm on due to the fact that i think it has no purpose since im a right-handed person.

my sister asked what was on my arm, and i said "it's just scratches, when i get anxious i scratch myself." and she didnt buy it. she said that she wasnt stupid and that she knew what that was.

when we got home with my mom that day, she told my mom and my mom was shocked, it came into this big conversation, she took my phone away thinking that was the purpose of my self-harm. she didnt let me speak. i felt so powerless, so weak. i dont have a phone now, which i probably won't ever get again. she was the reason, though, for my self-harm. she always made me feel like i had to be like my siblings, i tried to please her for everything. yet nothing worked.

i need advice, what should i do?

[Ennui.]

I’m so sorry this happened! My mom took my phone away for a while when she found out I was self harming too.

I’d try to sit down with your mom one last time, but make sure she is in a decent mood when you do it. I wouldn’t directly blame her by saying “you did this” but instead use “I statements” like “I feel like I have to be exactly like my siblings and that makes me feel (emotion),” or “I felt powerless when my phone was taken away. Here’s more information on what it means to self harm (share information such as that it’s a coping mechanism that can turn into an addiction).” Alternatively you can write her a letter where you get everything out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way.

Is there anyone you trust who you can get support from such as another family member, doctor, religious leader, or another trusted adult? It can help to have someone on your side who you can talk to about what’s going on without judgement.

Also try and find things to do to replace self harm. My favorite thing to use is ice on my neck and forehead. The ice packs provide a reset to your body, and also gives you another sensation that may help you feel better.