TeenHelp - Triggering (SH): ...why cant I just be normal..?

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- - Triggering (SH): ...why cant I just be normal..? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t162998-why-cant-i-just-normal/)

...why cant I just be normal..?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi i need to vent a bit...
I've been sh ing for a few months, since like december of last year. I dont remember what started it, but that ive been thinking about doing it ever since I was around 10-11..
my mom also did it when she was younger, and she had a harder upbringing than I did.
I've been through a few things, most of which i dont think are valid since they happened so long ago or didn't happen directly to me. She told me one time in an argument that my cuts weren't real or valid because I didn't do it deep enough. In her words, "People who don't sh for attention don't just skim the surface."
I dont know why but this caused me to relapse, and I havent really been able to get clean besides when I dont have access to sharp objects.
Ive tried the alternatives; ice, rubber bands, drawing on my arms, but none of them seemed to work. I think it's more the concept of knowing im destroying myself by doing it. And seeing the blood..
Everyone I know has had a harder life than me. My sisters, my parents, my friends, and yet I'M the one who does this. But it's like I can't stop. I feel invalidated when my scars fade. I feel invalidated if there's not blood.

I think something's wrong with me.
I know I'm hurting everyone around me, and yet I still do it.

But I can't stop hating myself.[/size][/color][/font]

Re: ...why cant I just be normal..?

Hello,

Thank you so much for coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and I hope that you will be okay soon.

Everyone self harms for a different reasons. It can be hard to stop by yourself. It's always a good idea to ask for help when we are going through something. Do you have any friends or family or if you are still in school right now and have a favorite teacher or the school counselor or someone else that is at the school that you trust to talk to them about this and let them know that you are having a hard time and need some help with this.

When you have the feeling to self harm try to find something to help you get your mind off of this for a while until you feel okay or a little bit better. Going for a walk around your house or reading a book for a while or drawing or painting or writing in a journal or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or something else that you enjoy doing. I hope you will be okay soon.